Okay here we go, something I've been waiting for but hoping that it wouldn't happen. The talk with my dad. It finally happened after about 10 days with him. Although, it was nothing like I expected. It was way worse than I expected. Way worse. This is what happened.
We went out for dinner as a family before my parents leave for Europe tomorrow, and it went quite well. The food was great, and it was fun. Then me and my dad went to the liquor store, and bought a 15 pack of MGD and a 4 pack of Guinness. I was quite surprised by that because my dad is actually buying me load of booze?? That's new. Then when we got home, my mom called the 'family meeting.' Okay here we go, I knew what was coming. And it was exactly what I expected right at the get go. First thing my dad said was 'how is school going?' and I said, 'not so good.' His reaction to this? Not so good. What he told me afterward just killed me. He told me to give up school after this semester, and go back to Korea and serve in the army. If you didn't know, if you are Korean, and a male, and over the age of 19 (I think), you HAVE to serve at least 22 months in the army. It is the law. As for me, I'm 19, male, and still unfortunately Korean. I'm currently hold a permanent resident for Canada, not a citizenship. Honestly, I don't want to go to the army for a lot of reason. 1) It's a big waste of time. Almost 2 years of nothing but rolling in the mud and not get paid?? Ya it's a big waste of fucking time. 2) I finally decided what I want to do after a long fight with my mom and a lot of thinking, and just like that, my dad barge into my life again and start controlling it. 3) I have lived in Canada for so long that I'm pretty much attach to this country. I love everything about it. This is the heaven in my dictionary. 4) I'm tired of moving to different places all the time. It's not like I have before, but I know what it's like to move to places to places. It's kind of hard to get used to and I already made a lot of friends here and I'm not planning on losing them anytime soon. 5) Coming back after 2 years and going back to U of A? Um okay. Let's see how that one turns out. I guarantee you it ain't going to be pretty. I'll probably see a lot of Fs and I don't want that. 6) What about money? I don't care if my parents will give me money. I don't want them to. I'm not being nice, I just don't like it when people lend me money. It makes me feel like one of those fucking unemployed people. They were the one who told me not to beg for financial aids and yet, they are offering me to do that. Fuck no. 7) I'm not 12 anymore. I think I have the right to do shits I want to do. They ain't paying for shits for me now. I am. I get that they are my parents but they can't control my life forever. Just fucking let me handle this myself. I'm not a fucking kid anymore. I'm almost 20. I think I know what I'm doing. 8) Honestly, I guess, deep down, maybe I'm a little scared to go. It's been 7 years and I don't know if I'm ready for another change. I don't know what's still the same, or what's been changed. I just don't know what to expect when I go there. I mean, how would people treat me? What if I say something to someone and they get mad at me? What if I don't make friends? I don't want any of this. I don't need any of this.
I don't think my dad really knows me. What I mean by that is that I don't think he understands what's been going through my head, and why I've been doing so bad at school. He told me, or reminded me tonight what we talked about months ago. He told me that if I get a really good GPA, he'd let me do anything I want to do next year. Well, apparently I forgot about that until now. This was kind of unfair to me right at the get go because first of all, apparently, that was a 'promise.' I didn't really wanted to be a promise, but what choice did I have? Even if I told him that, it still wouldn't matter, because he does whatever he wants. My opinions don't matter. Secondly, if he didn't brainwash me with the whole engineering thing, I would've chose something different to do right at the start. The only reason I got into Science was because he forced me. I didn't want to do it but at the same time I didn't want to tell him that, because I didn't want to disappoint him, and like I said, it wouldn't have mattered to him. I don't got no choice with anything. They stopped me from being what I wanted to be, and what I wanted to do, and how the fuck do you expect me to do well? This isn't 1932 anymore. It's 2011. Things change as time goes on. I don't know what it was like when they were young but those days are over. They were the one who told me to go forward, not backward. That's what I'm trying to do, and they are kind of interfering with it. But anyways, that being said, it's not like I didn't try at all. I'll admit, it definitely wasn't my best effort, but I did try. I mean, I went to school during exam time, and I studied for hours for days, but the result didn't help me out at all. I pretty much just wasted my time. That's something he doesn't know. That, something he doesn't understand.
At the end of the talk, my parents always ask me to say something I want to say. I do have shit load of stuff to say to them but I never do tell them, because I know nothing what I tell them mean anything to them so I find it it's better to just save my breath and not say anything. That's exactly what I did, except, I was so mad that I got up and just peaced it. My dad got super pissed at me because it was very rude and disrespectful. I'm actually going to agree with that. The anger just kind of took over me and controlled me. I'll admit, that was my bad. So I went to my room, and just kind of chilled out for a bit, checking Facebook, email, and etc. then my dad wanted me to come talk to him again. And what do I do? I just didn't give a fuck anymore. I already lost everything, so what do I got to lose? So I went back downstairs, and well, he tossed me a can of Guinness, and said 'have a beer.' My dad is a really interesting man. He'd get mad at one point, then he'd be totally fine like a minute after. His mood changes like nothing. Anyways, so I just like downed that Guinness, and watched the Flames game. That actually made me feel a lot better. Beer and hockey, except that Flames' loss kind of made me mad haha. And now I'm just in my bed, trying to calm myself, and writing up this post haha.
So what's my plan? Is it going to change at all? Fuck no. I'm going to do whatever I want. I finally found something I want to do, and I'm really serious about it, and I'm not going to give up on it just like that. No one is going to stop me. I'm going to be what I want to be. I'm going to do what I want to do. I've given a lot of thoughts to all this and I'm not just going to waste it. If I end up having to move out, so be it. Honestly, I wouldn't give a fuck. Deep down, I know I want to get out of this 1930's theme. Oh and another thing, I actually just looked up how to become a Canadian citizen, and it's going to be really easy and most of all, cheap so I'm going to do it. Apparently you have to live in Canada for around 1000 days and I'm sitting at about 900, or more, then I just got to summit an application form, which is about $200, and write the test and I'll be good to go. If everything goes well, I'll be officially a Canadian. It will be the best $200 I'll ever spend on.
My plans for next month and a half? I'm going to enjoy this freedom. Lots of drinking, getting high, and fuck some chicks. Actually I don't know if I'm actually going to do all these but I'm definitely going to enjoy this while I can. I'll still have to find a job if I'm actually going to move out. I have to rent a suite, buy a new car, pay for school, and etc. I guess I could always get student loan. I will eventually have to pay back like $20000 but for now, I'm not too worried about that. As long as I don't have to deal with this anymore, I'm good. No problem is going to be worse than this.
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