Wish Granted

All I wanted from work was, well I think it's pretty obvious, to work. It seems like that wish is granted. I've been working almost everyday since last week doing from tiny little, and pointless job to a big moving. I'm really happy that I'm working now. I'm not getting 8 hours everyday but at least I'm making money slowly, right?

I had another 14 hour shift yesterday. I probably did 3 different job within that 14 hour span. So I'm here again probably going to be another long shift. I'm at 5 hours already and got another job coming up in approximately 12 minutes. Who knows how long that will take? There's only 2 of us, I think, so I'm assuming it won't be a big job. But then again, whatever we are going to do, since theres only 2 of us, it will be time consuming. I don't know, it's going to be another 10-12 hour day.

Like I mentioned, I'm happy that I'm working a lot lately but it's really wearing me out. I am way too tired. I don't think I've ever been this tired in my life. I got a day off tomorrow though so hopefully I get some decent rest.

Well I was just told that we have to unload 8000 lb of load. Well that's going to be fun. Thick paycheque though. I hope I don't kill myself.

I'm a Motherf*cking Cash Money Millionaire

   I made some decent money today. Remember that day when I worked 14 hours and how I said I may not get paid for it? Well, they were supposed to pay me in cash after work, but the office was closed when we were done, so I got paid for it today. There were some good news and bad news to it though. Good news is that I got paid in cash, and it was $17 an hour. Bad news? My hours were cut down to 12.5 hours, and they didn't include the overtime. It was supposed to be around $250 but I only got paid $212.50. It's pretty good for working in one day, but I wish it was a little bit higher.

   I sold 2 of my textbooks today. That was pretty disappointing too. They bought the most expensive ones; Chemistry and Calculus textbooks. I paid well over $120 each, but I let both of them go for $110 together. Oh well, what can you do? I don't need it, it's taking up a lot of rooms in my room. I wish they weren't so cheap and paid more. Oh well, I think $110 is still decent, a lot better than nothing though I guess.

   So I got $400 of cash sitting in my room right now. I think I'll save some of those, and spend about $100 on Jessica's birthday. She's one of my best friends and I think I can spend that kind of money on her. To me, friends comes before money.

   I don't know what it is, but I feel either really tired or depressed. It seems like this is happening quite often lately. Who knows, maybe I'll be better tomorrow. Hopefully.

Weekly Review

   This week has been pretty good. I finally started working again, but I was still missing a couple days this week. However, I got pretty decent hours out of those 4 days of working. I got 6.5 on monday, 4 on thursday, 14 on friday, which I hope I get paid for this, and 5.5 last night. So I got total of 30 in 4 days. Not bad.

   So on friday, I've done something I've never done before so far. 2 things actually. 1) I've only been doing commercial moving, but for some reason, I'm now doing household moving as well. 2) I worked at another company called Matco as a temporary worker for the day. We used to get temp workers at our moving sites too but I never had to go to somewhere else. Anyways, friday was a tough day. I was told that it was only going to be 4000lb of load but it turned out it was more like 7000lb. And the worst part? There was only 2 of us. Me and this 41 year old guy. Now you see why the number of hours was so big on friday. We ended up not finishing the job. Like I mentioned up there, I don't know if I'll get paid for that because Matco never filled in my timesheet and I was told to report it to my manager, and he happened to be quiting that day so I can't do anything about it until tomorrow. I'll be really upset if I didn't get paid for that. I worked my ass off and was so tired after. We will see what will happen.

   I did household moving again last night and it wasn't as bad as friday. It was legitly 4000lb and this time, there was 3 of us so it was a lot better. Plus, a lot of the stuff were boxed. The 2 guys that were with me were tagging the items and packing them and I loaded all the stuff onto the truck. So I probably loaded about 2500lb of the load all by myself. Anyways, loading took us about 4 hours and guess how much it took us to unload them. About 20 minutes. Can you believe that?! We were just supposed to bring those stuff to one of the self storage slot and that was a lot easier. It literally took only 20 minutes. It was  pretty impressive.

   So ya this week has been pretty good. I hope next week gets better. I think it will since I'll be doing both household and commercial. Although, household is a lot tougher so it wears me out really fast but oh well, I still love it.

Hate It Or Love It??

   Once again, my no work streak has begun. It lasted exactly 2 weeks until I got my job back and that only lasted 1, 6.5 hour shift. I was so happy when Gerry asked me to come work again but I never thought it'd be just for 1 day. I got today off and tomorrow off again. Who knows, I might be getting this whole week off again. People did say it will get fairly busy in July so I'm kind of rooting for that. Well, in their defense, it is a moving company. They can't always have jobs available for everyone. Honestly, I'm not too upset about it anymore. I was at the beginning, but I feel like I really gave up on them, and pretty much gave up on saving money. It seems pretty impossible now. Thankfully I do have enough saved up for one semester so I guess I can save up more money during that semester. Or getting a student loan is another option. I wish they would tell me the schedule for whole week. I don't like calling them everyday at 5 to find out if I'm not working or not. I'm always so excited to check my schedule but it's always full of disappointment. I love working there so I'll stick around till the end of the summer.

   Well, the dating website isn't working too well so far. I've found few people I'm actually interested, but I haven't got any messages back. There's got to be at least ONE  girl that's interested in me. There's someone for everyone. I just can't seem to find that 'someone.' Although, I did find someone who used to be in my French 20 class. I haven't seen her or talk to her since so it was good to talk to her again today. I'm really stressing out over this stupid dating website. WHY?!?! I guess I want to spend a summer with a girl for the first time in my life. Well, I still got Canada Day. There should be lots of parties so I'll go to one of those and hopefully I find someone there. If not, well I don't know, I'd have to wait till school starts again. That's my best option for now I guess. If I actually worked constantly, I really wouldn't have to worry about this at all.

   So, I'm addicted to Nerds candies now. One day, my sister had a friend over, and they were eating those so I went out the next day and got myself 3 boxes of those. They are so good. Oh, and have you tried the pina colada flavoured Tic Tacs? They are amazing too so I went and bought 2 boxes of those too. 

   What am I going to do tomorrow? I really wish I worked. I think I'll go skating tomorrow. I've been wanting to do that. I don't know who to go with though. I did ask Jessica, but she's working :( I know Shayne is not going to go. I don't know why I just have a feeling that he won't. Jon is working hardcore nowdays and I haven't really talk to him lately so it'd be weird if I texted him now and ask him to go skating with me tomorrow. This sucks. Where are all my friends?

Addicted? Or Obssessed?

   It's been almost a week, actually I have no idea how long it's been, since I broke up with Daelyn. I mentioned before, but I felt like shit and lonely after I broke up with her, and it seems like those feelings still remains. I didn't try to forget about her. I still want her to be my friend. I have been talking to her a couple times, and I'm glad that she's over it and not too upset about it. On the other hand, I still feel terrible and I wish I never broken up with her, not because I still like her, but I hate the feelings I have right now. I can't seem to get over it. So, what's my solution? Meet new girls as fast as possible and make something happen.

   Now, just one question, how the hell am I going to meet girls without even going out? Chatroulette and dating website. Yup, I said it. I feel like such a loser right now haha. Chatroulette definitely is the fast way to meet people. The only problem with that is that it's pretty difficult to find someone who is living near you. So that one didn't go so well. I found this one dating website, it's called Plenty of Fish, or PoF. It's free unlike other dating website, yes, I have been on other dating websites before, and I don't know, this website seems pretty cool. There's a lot of good looking girls and a lot of girls who are at my age. Perfect. 

   I've been on this website for about 2-3 days now, and I gotta say, I am addicted and completely obsessed with it. Since when did I care so much about dating someone? I was happy the way it is right now, but all the sudden, I want everything to change. Why? Am I doing this to make Daelyn jealous? Or Jessica? What am I trying to prove here? Sometimes, I don't even understand what I'm doing, or trying to do. I know this is going to be a huge waste of time, and I hope I realize that before I get too sucked into it. This is bad.

   Well, I start working at AMJ Campbell again. Gerry called and asked me if I wanted to keep working there. Of course I said yes. The new job I had a couple days ago sucked balls. It doesn't look legit at all. I mean, I don't even know what the company is called, or how many people are working, or even where our office is. What the hell? I didn't even do any paperwork. Something is weird about that job. I'm glad I'm sticking with AMJ Campbell. I love working there. I love the people, I love the pay and I love how I'm getting a pretty good workout out of it. I'm excited to go back there again tomorrow.

   I feel like I should start skating soon. Maybe start this week? Hmm. Oh and 3 of the jerseys I ordered should be here this week, unless Canada Post is still on strike or whatever they are doing. What is up with them? I'm supposed to get a cheque from the government a while ago and it's still not here. I have a feeling that I have to wait another week for those jerseys, or even 3-4 weeks. It may take forever who knows. As long as I get it, I'm a happy man.

   I'm going to bed now since I have to wake up at 6 in the morning. That's going to be tough. Since the last time I worked, I've been sleeping in till like noon. Well, that's going to well. We will see.

New Beginning

   After a week and a half of absolutely no working, I finally found a new job. I don't know what the company is called yet, and what we do exactly, but I know that we go to different grocery stores and fix the floors and set up the shelf. Nice and simple, and they will pay me $15 an hour. That's the same rate I was getting paid at AMJ Campbell, except the work isn't as hard. But honestly, I don't really care what I do, unless I get paid as I expected. $15 an hour is really good for me. Even if I had a job that pays me $13 or even $12, I'd be totally happy. So ya, anyways, I'm starting tomorrow. It should be a very interesting day. 

   I was on my way home from the interview, and I received another phone call. This one was for this construction company who is working with Canada Post. What they do is that they go around the city and install those brown post boxes. That seemed a lot easier and more interesting. There were good and bad about this job though. The good? They will pay me $18/hr, better than any other jobs I've had so far. The bad? I'll be going everywhere in the province, meaning there's going to be a lot of road trips. I didn't actually get employed there because they wanted my resume, but I think I might just stick with the first one.

   The last game of the NHL was today, or the Stanley Cup final game 7. I really didn't know who to cheer for. I wanted Boston to win, because they are one of the Original Six, but at the same time, I wanted Vancouver to win, because they really deserved it and it's their 40th season. So I forced myself to cheer for Vancouver by buying a Canucks jersey before the game. I had to buy one sooner or later anyway lol. Jessica invited me to hang out with her friends at Walkabout so I joined them and watched the game. I ended up cheering for the Bruins though. Boston won the game 4-0 and won the cup. 

   I've been wanting to meet Jessica's friends for a quite a long time now and I finally got to meet them. They were all really cool. I really liked them. They were all good looking too, especially Karina. Anyways, I had a lot of fun tonight hanging out with them. Meeting new people is always something I like to do.

   Jessica and I are becoming really good friends now. I honestly didn't think she would ever hang out with me after that night, but I guess I was wrong. When she said she still wanted to be friends, she wasn't kidding. I was kind of expecting things to change a little, maybe create a little bit of awkwardness, because I know when you ask someone out, and they reject you, things are never the same, but it's nothing like that with Jessica. I think we are becoming really really good friends now. I can almost say she is now one of my best friends. Although, I feel kind of bad that I've been talking about Daelyn to her all the time, but it seems like she's getting a little jealous, which is KIND OF what I wanted, but still, I feel bad about talking to her about Daelyn and all that stuff. Well, the hockey season is over, so I don't know if I'll ever hang out with her again. See, we are hockey buddies, but with no hockey till next november, there's really nothing to do. Maybe play street hockey with her?? Hmm not a bad idea lol. I shall give that a shot. I hope we still do hang out even though the hockey season is over.

Conflict

   It's been approximately half an hour since I broke up with my girlfriend and I don't know what to really say about it. I have been wanting to break up with her for few days now, and I finally accomplished that. I thought I'd be really happy and relieved but I'm not. I really am not. I feel terrible. I've only had one girlfriend before her, but she was a better girlfriend than the one I had before. Way better. I loved how she kept telling me all the stuff about me, and how I was the best boyfriend she's ever had. I finally found someone who really likes me for who I am, but I'm a little upset that it didn't go well. 

   There were few things that didn't work out well. First of all, we don't live in the same town. I never get to see her, and I'll probably never see her in my life. I don't care about sex and all that, but I wanted to be able to at least hug and kiss her. Or even just hold hands and just walk around. That's what I wanted to do the most, but unfortunately, it never happened. Secondly, phone calls. Phone bill isn't really what I'm worried about, it's nice to talk to her on the phone and all that, but sometimes, it was just too much. We'd be talking on the phone for hours, but we wouldn't say anything. Literally nothing. I was glad that she liked talking to me and I made her happy, but I just couldn't sit around all day and talk to her on the phone. I couldn't say no to her when she asked me if she can call me, because I didn't want her to get upset and because I know how much she wants to talk to me. Sometimes, it was annoying and all, but now that I think about it, it was definitely worth it, and I had some good times. I already miss it. Lastly, she got upset with me for things that are not even a big deal. I do understand that we are dating, but that doesn't mean we HAVE to talk all the time. It's not like we never talk or anything. I just didn't like how she acted when I try to hang out with my friends and/or hang up the phone. I just wish that she would've taken it a little bit less serious. Maybe if she was a little flexible on my schedule/life, I think it would've worked out nicely.

   My thoughts? I was fairly glad but I'm not going to lie, I feel terrible. I've made a big mistake. She did make me happy a lot while we were dating, but all I've been really thinking about was what she's been doing wrong and getting on my nerve. That's what you get for having no experience whatsoever with relationship. I felt really bad while we were dating too, because I felt like I'm not doing anything right, and I felt like I can't handle some situations properly. Anyways, I want to thank her for telling me how I was a good boyfriend to her even though I clearly fucked up so many times, and I really hope that we could still be friends. I really do, because she's a really cool girl. I don't know if I could ever forgive myself for breaking her heart. I probably never will, because that's one thing I never ever do; break someone's heart.

Change Of Heart

   I never thought someone could change their emotions about somebody else in a very short period of time. I'm actually one of those people who takes a very long time to change my emotions about someone. It literally took me months to forget about my ex-girlfriend after the break-up, because I really really liked her, but she just didn't feel the same way about me. It seems like I have the same problem coming back to me again, instead, it's the other way around.

   I recently met this girl, her name is Daelyn, and we decided to have a long distance relationship. My thoughts about this decision? I can honestly say that I did not care at that moment. In fact, I thought it'd be really cool to have a long distance relationship. Plus, Daelyn was one of the coolest girl I've met so far. So we now have been dating for exactly a week now, and there seem to be a lot of problems already. Well, for her, at least, there's only like couple problems with me. First, I don't like how she gets mad at me when I'm trying to hang out my friends. I understand that we are dating at the moment, but I cannot, and I certainly will not give up my friends for her, because my friends means a lot more to me, and nobody knows what they've done for me. If she can't accept me for who I am and what I do with my life, then obviously this isn't going to work out. I don't mind her telling me that she loves me and all that cute stuff, because I really like her too. But to be honest, I don't think I 'love' her. Second thing that I can't really stand is the way she treat me, and things she say about me. I want to have a relationship where I don't have to feel bad about something I did, when I clearly didn't do anything wrong. And whenever I try to hang out with my friends, she just puts a facebook status about me, and I'm not a big fan of that. Like I mentioned before, if I can't do my own things without having to feel bad about it, then this is never going to work. 

   I don't care if someone hurts my feelings, they can hurt me as much as they want, but one thing I would never do is to hurt somebody else's feelings. I would not feel good about myself if I did. The break up is getting closer and closer everyday. She has been apologizing to me for what she's done, but it keeps repeating. There is really no alternate route to get out of this, other than breaking up. She even told me that she would not care what I do as long as I don't lie to her. Well, guess what? She lied to me. Apparently she does care, or otherwise she wouldn't stop me from going out every night. I honestly don't know if I can handle this anymore.

   I was really glad that I found someone who admires and actually like me for who I am, but I think she's taking this way too serious. I'm not that worthy. I'm not someone who would risk their life for. I'm not perfect, I'm not amazing, I don't have the greatest smile, I don't look that great, and I don't have the biggest dick. Why is she going through all this for me? I'm just not worth it.

   I'll feel really bad about myself, but I'm going to have to break up with her soon. I do like her, but what she does to me, and the way she feels about me is just too much. I don't know if I can handle it any longer. It's going to take me a long time to do this. This is going to be a lot harder than asking someone out. I was so worried about that the whole time, I never prepared for break ups. I kind of wish she'd read this so she'd know how I really feel. It'd make things a lot easier.

   What have I gotten myself into? Why?.....