Lost? or Confused? or Both?

    It seems like this is happening to me every year. I'd fall for a girl, but I would not know what to do about it, and I'd get really frustrated, and mad and depressed. I can honestly say that this problem has been really affecting my life; not only as my social life but my academic performance as well. Everyday I wake up, and think about that person trying to brighten up my day, but it always ends with disappointment. I'm not very good at talking to girls as you can see.

   I met this girl named Sam, I mentioned about her before, and it seems like I don't really have that problem anymore. Well, I still kind of do, but it's not as bad as how it was before. Sam has been really nice to me ever since we met. I feel bad sometimes, because she'd talk to me a lot and most of the time, I would not know what to say back to her, or I would not be able to carry on a conversation. It's not that I don't want to talk to her or don't like her or anything like that, it's just that I really don't know what to talk about. Jessica is a really good friend of mine now, and I can have a conversation for hours with her now. Sometimes I wonder, why can't I do that with Sam? I know I was a little scared to talk to Jessica before we became really good friends, and it seems like this is happening all over again. I am comfortable being with Sam and all, but why? I just feel really bad every time I hang out with her.

   Aside from lack of talking, I do have another problem. It's called jealousy. I realized I get extremely jealous and upset when Sam talks about her ex boyfriends and her guy friends. It's not that I don't trust her, I do, but I don't know, I guess that's just my personality. Although, I have been trying not to think about that too much, but for those of you who knows me well, you know that it's hard for me to let go of certain things, and move on. 

   We aren't dating yet, but she said she would when she's more comfortable with me. I totally respect that. I'm never going to force someone to date me, because, the odds are, it's not going to turn out pretty. So, I can definitely wait until she's ready. Do I want to date her? I have given a second thought about that recently, and yes, I still do want to, but first, I really have to work on my problems. We've been seeing each other for over a month now, and nobody has ever made me this happy than Sam. I am a lot more positive and happier person when I'm with her. It seems like she wants to take things slow and let's wait and see what happens in the future. Even if we don't end up dating each other, I think she'd be a real good friend like Jessica.

New Beginning

   Well, it's been a while since I blogged. As you know, I lost one of my family members recently so I've been feeling a little depressed and etc. but it seems like everything is almost back to normal.

   I just had my last full time shift at AMJ Campbell yesterday. I'm kind of glad that I don't have to work there as much now, but I'm also a little sad at the same time, mostly because I've become a really good friends with almost everyone there. I've been wanting to quit lately, mostly because of Ryan, one of my supervisors, but now that he's gone it really changed my mind. I think I want to work here until I finish school. So anyways, my last full time job was pretty interesting. Stair carry, lots of bins and desk pieces. Aaron was joking about how me and Dipon were going to run the stairs because it was our last day, but surprisingly Aaron gave me an easy job. Electronics and pictures. Even though it was easy, I've never done it before so I was a little lost, but I had some help from the veteran movers so it was all good. Surprisingly the first half of the job went really smoothly and fast. We had to wait to get into the next job site. So we had another guy leaving our company last week, and on his last day, apparently Jerry, Rico, Gerald, Aaron and Brian taped him hardcore. I told Jerry that it was my last day that day and he just laughed. Oops lol I probably shouldn't have told him that. While we were on a break, they taped Dipon onto one of those barricade bars and I was just sitting there laughing then Aaron says hi to me then next thing you know, Jerry and Rico runs up to me and started to tape me too. Good times lol. I'm going to miss these guys, even though I'll still be working there on weekends. Sometimes the job gets really hairy and tough, but these guys always makes it better. I feel like I'm going to work at AMJ to pretty much hang out with these guys, not to move bins and furniture.

   I've been hanging out with my friends quite a lot lately too. Shayne and Kyle came over one day and helped me install my short ram intake to my car, which sounds sick!!!! It's got a lot of power now too but I can't really tell the difference in gas mileage but oh well, who cares lol. Anyways, it was really nice to see Kyle. I haven't even talked to him since that one day when we went to the bar with Matt and Breanna. Then I hung out with Jessica few days after. We just had a dinner and just talked for hours. I had a lot of fun that day. And now we are going to go to the Oilers preseason game on September 24th so I'm really excited about that. It's going to be awesome even though it's only a preseason game. I haven't been to the game since St. Patty's day of 2009. I've been seeing Sam quite a lot too actually. I'm actually really surprised that she's still hanging out with me. I mean, I've been gone for 3 weeks and honestly, I thought she'd be looking for someone else by the time I got back, because we've been only seeing each other for about a week before I left for Europe, but I don't know, that was nice of her. Anyways, I had a lot of fun with her too. So I still want to date Sam, but something tells me I shouldn't. Hmmm.

    So I'll be going to Frizzy's party tonight and a lot of my friends from high school are going to be there so I'm really excited. It should be a good night. It's my last weekend before school starts so let's make it a good night!!