FML

   I feel like I'm hated by everyone around me. This whole weekend, my friends wouldn't answer my texts or even bother to answer my call. None of them would ask me to hang out at all. Where are all my friends? Where did they go?

Luck Was On My Side This Time

   I really got lucky this week. As you know, I had 2 classes this semester and I was failing in both of them but turned out, last wednesday was the deadline to drop courses. I know I'd be wasting $1000 but I figured, if I ever decide to come back to this school at one point in the future, it's better to have W on the transcript than a couple F's. So when I think about that, I think I made the wise decision. Well done, sir.

   Maybe school just isn't for me. Ya, I had some legit reasons for me, but when I bitch about it to people, it just sounds like another dumb excuse to them, and even to me. I don't know why I can't commit myself to school and actually bust my ass and try my best. I just can't seem to do that. It's nothing to do with peer pressure and all that, I just can't do it.

   I'm actually thinking about taking the rest of the year off and another one off. Make some money, travel a little bit and whatnot. Maybe that'll help me. I don't know we will see I guess.

True Friend

   I just remembered, when I was working at AMJ on saturday, while we were waiting for the Scotia Place's loading dock to open up, my coworker, Gerald, gave us a really good speech/story about how true friends are supposed to be like. I love talking to Gerald, he always tells me good stories and speeches about life and I'm always amazed how he comes up with new stories every time. It also amuses me too.

   Gerald is a former fisherman back in Nova Scotia, and of course he's stories always starts with 'when I was on a fishing boat back in Nova Scotia...' It's quite entertaining. Anyways, he told me, it's really hard for him to be friends with his coworkers, mostly because, well they are his coworkers not someone you hang out with and when he went on a new fishing boat with different crews, he had to use a knife to do something, I can't remember what it was, but his pocket knife was really dull. Then his coworker comes up to him and said 'Use mine for now, I'll go sharpen yours for you. Until then, that's yours.' Now, the message here is that someone gave up their tool to Gerald and took his own time to do something for Gerald. It doesn't sound much at all, but the fact that they are doing something for their friends and desire absolutely nothing in return, that shows the true friendship right there. If you do something for others and wants something in return about twice as much, that's not what friends do.

   As soon as he told me that story, it was a lot better when he said it, this is just like a condensed version of his story, but it reminded me of what Sam has been doing for me lately. I asked her why she did all that for me, and she said she believes in good karma. She also told me, she didn't do that much for me and it's not necessary for me to pay her back in the future. She may think it wasn't much, but to me, even if it wasn't much, just like Gerald's coworker, she took her own time and spent a lot of her own money to make my life better. Regardless of how big or small she thought it was, I'm still very grateful for what she's done for me. She never asked for anything in return, but I sure will do something that big for her one day. That's a perfect definition of friendship. I was fool to not see that and wanting to date her. I'm lucky enough to have a friend like her. I'm even lucky to know her.

What a Way to Start the Week Off

   I definitely saw it coming, just like I predicted. Sam and I will be friends from now on, with absolutely no possibility of dating each other in the future. It was pretty heartbreaking, but like I said, I knew this was going to happen considering what we've been through in last month or so. 

   The talk was fairly simple. Nice and brief. She talked about few things about the guy she was seeing and whatnot, and I figured that was the perfect opportunity to talk about what I wanted to tell her. I actually prepared for this whole speech thing with everything I wanted to tell her, but I ended up getting to the point in exactly 9 words. 'Would you still consider dating me in the future?' And just as I expected, she said no. See, things between Sam and I have become very complicated. When I moved out, I've been living at her place for few weeks and I guess that changed everything. So maybe it's a good thing that we are not dating, although I'd still like to. 

   I took me a lot of guts to actually ask her that, even though I'm not asking her out directly and it kind of sends her the message that I'm still interested in dating her. I am actually glad I asked her because now I know where we stand right now. It's better to know even though it hurts than wondering forever what the answer would've been. 

   So, another rejection. My love life has never seen a happy ending. And I was hoping Sam was the one for me but things happen and once again, I got to forget about it and move on and keep telling myself that there's a lot more girls out there.

   I did have a lot of fun with Sam though, and made some good memories. I just hope that nothing changes now that I asked her that because she still is a very good friend of mine and I would hate to see myself losing her because of that. 

   How about some beers tonight? I think that's a good idea. I got about 2/3 of 24 pack I bought on the weekend still sitting in my room. Why not?

   PS. I won the bet. I win $5. Yay.

1 is a Lonely Number

   A very unproductive and sad weekend it was. I absolutely did nothing on friday other than picking up my paycheque from AMJ and went to West Edmonton Mall to buy some games. I just felt lazy all day on friday. 

   Saturday wasn't too bad. Started off with the day pretty bad though by going to work late. My alarm went off at 6:30am then I decided to sleep extra half an hour but then when I woke up it was 7:40am. My shift was supposed to start at 8am. I went out to my car and my windshield was all frozen so I had to sit there for another 10 minutes to warm my car up and defrost my windshield. I was only 15 mins late and nobody was mad at me so all was good. Our job was a really short one so it only took us 6 hours to finish the job. I was happy about that but wasn't so happy about it at the same time because of money. I got home around 4, made supper, then gamed all night. I did want to go out and drink but I couldn't think of anyone that might want to come with me so I decided to get myself a 24 pack and drink at home. I drank 4 last night.

   Today wasn't much better either. I woke up at about 2pm, went to the hockey rink to hang up the jerseys, then skated around for about an hour and I've been home ever since, gaming and eating. Well, at least it was better than saturday and friday since I actually went out and did something.

   I definitely could've asked Sam to hang out with me this weekend, but for some reason, I have a really hard time asking her to hang out now. I just feel bad afterward I don't know why. Or I could've asked Jessica to hang out with me but she's semi sick right now and I know she doesn't go out when she's sick so there's no point in trying. I really wish I had friends who lives close to me right now. I don't want to drive all the way to Sherwood Park to hang out with someone. I would if I had enough gas money but I don't so I can't.

   Well, I did get some good news from Sam though, well good for me at least. It seems like she's almost made her mind about Travis. Honestly, I really don't want her to date this guy just because I'm super jealous, but deep down, I'd totally be okay with that if that's what she wants to do. This is perfect. I actually made a little bet with Shay, the girl I work with at the hockey rink, that if I don't talk to Sam/ask her out by the 8th of November, I'd lose $5 and vice versa. 8th is Tuesday and I'll be seeing her tomorrow, which is monday so all I got to do is man up and talk to her NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS. If I don't see her tomorrow, then I'm going to phone her. I really want to get this over with. I've already been dragging this for too long.

   I have a feeling that I'll be heartbroken once again. At least I'll win $5, right? But is that worth it? Probably not.

Love Story

   I just watched a movie called The Secondhand Lions tonight. It was one of the movies Sam lent me to watch and since I had a day off from work tonight, I thought I'd watch it. It was a one good damn movie. I loved it. See, when you look at its cover, it's really not one of those movies that grabs your attention and say, wow that looks like a really good movie, but it really was a really good film.

    Now, I couldn't help but notice, why is it that there's always some sort of love stories in every movies? You know, normally I'd be okay with it, in fact I know it kind of sounds gay but I love movies with love stories, especially chick flicks. I enjoy watching them quite a lot actually. The love story in this one was fairly minor I found, but I just could not stand it. I guess I'm living without my family now and me falling for Sam has a lot to do with it. 

   I look back in the past, and I truly have been heartbroken so many times. There would be a girl I really like every year, and I fall for them and when I do ask them out or try to go further than just friendship, I get totally rejected, and when I don't go for any of that, I beat myself up for not trying, or get scared of rejection. My love life has never reached a happy ending so far in 20 years of my life. Sam definitely is the closest one I should say. And yet, we are still friends. 

    Sam definitely is one of the closest female friend I have at the moment and I really wish I could date her right now. I really do. I realized I'm the happiest when I'm with her. That means something, right? Yet again, I am very scared to ask her out or even tell her how I feel about her because I am very scared of getting rejected, and I really do not want to lose her as my friend. Should I risk that and ask her? Or just stay as a friend? If I choose to just stay as friends, then I know for sure that I'll beat myself up for not doing anything about it. I am already getting there. As of right now, I am still going to tell her how I feel about her even though there's a really good chance that she will break my heart. But then again, you'd never know unless you try. Maybe good things will happen and there could be a happy ending to my little love life. 

   Actually, I have been trying to tell her for weeks now and I keep making excuses and don't do anything about it. It's probably not the first time you've read about this on my blog. With the situation like this, I really have nothing else to lose. Now let's actually man up and get this over with.

Dropping Out Of the Race

   Not surprisingly, I have done very poorly on my latest 2 midterms. The 2 courses I'm taking right now should've been a GPA booster but it seems like that won't be the case anymore. I have thought about this for a while now and I think it's time to drop out of university and take a year or two off. 

   What happened? I was so motivated and pumped up for this year during the summer but it seems like all the unfortunate events has happened to me at the wrong time. First of all, having my grandma passing away a week before school started and at the end of our Europe trip definitely did not help. I have never had anyone passing away in my life before so it was my first time experiencing a death in our family. It was very overwhelming. Unpleasant as well. So that's how I started my school this year. Not a very good start. Then everything just started going downhill after that. The conflict with me and my mom has gotten worse and we both got tired of each other so I got kicked out/moved out of my house. It also happened at they wrong time of the semester because that when all the midterms were going on. Without my own place and my own transportation, it was very difficult for me to study. In the end, here I am with 2 classes this semester, failing both of them. 

   It sounds like a one huge excuse for not doing well in school, but it really isn't. If you were in my shoes, you'd totally understand. Especially now that I don't even have enough money for next semester, I think my best option is to take the rest of the year off, at least, then think carefully what I want to do in next september. If I continue on and still do bad, there will be no post secondary education for me. I ain't working at AMJ forever. I should be able to do better than that.

   I finally get a day off from working tonight. Yes, I have been working every day since sunday. Well, sunday and tuesday were training days but I got paid for that so technically I did work. Well, at least I have decent jobs that will keep me alive, right? I think I'm going to spend the night with some movies that Sam lent me earlier this week. Or, I asked Jessica if she wanted to hang out tonight after her work so we will see what she says about that.

    My life seems like it's going nowhere.

+/-

   It seems like it's only been a week since I moved out, but it's actually almost been a month already, and yet, I'm don't feel different, or even changed anything about myself or my life at all. Although, there's been a lot of ups and downs to this though. 

   Positive: I'm actually enjoying my life quite a lot right now. I don't have to deal with all the drama with my family, I get to sleep in, and stay up late and no one would give a shit about it, I can eat whatever I want, I can do whatever I want, and I can go out whenever I want. I actually feel great, well mentally, because I didn't think I could live on my own, but turned out, I can actually cook meals, not very good but it's good enough for me, and do the laundry on time, and mostly, I have job that keeps me alive. I'm pretty proud of myself for that. I do need to work on few stuff though. But it's going good so far. I'm enjoying it.

   Negative: Because I stay up so late, I have hard time waking up in the morning. Usually when it gets cold out, I hate getting up in the morning or even get out of my bed, but it seems like it's getting worse. I missed few classes already and even missed one or two of my shifts too. It's really not a good habit. Also, I'm new to this whole moving out/living alone thing so I'm still not really used to it, especially with feeding myself. I didn't know how to cook at all, or even done a grocery shopping. Thankfully Sam has been helping me out with that but I really wish I knew how to cook and shop. It would've been a lot easier. I didn't realize living alone can get very lonely. All my friends are living in Sherwood Park right now and I really don't  feel like driving all the way down there to see them for a couple hours. Every once a while, I miss my family a little bit even though we don't get along very well, but they are still my family. I just hope that they know the real reason why I did this. 

   It seems like I have more negative things to talk about rather than positive things. Like I mentioned I'm still trying to get used to this whole thing so I think I might need more time to adjust. They were right. This isn't easy, but I'm taking it as a challenge.

   Oh, apparently I got a red light ticket in the mail. WTF!!! I don't ever run a red light. I got a copy of it and I looked at it and it was such a bullshit. I was making a right turn! It doesn't even make sense. I'm a little upset about that but I'll try to come up with something so I can fight it. Who gets a frigging red light ticket making a right turn?! This town is fucked up, sir.

   I've been working quite a lot lately too. This is my 3rd shift already this week. Well, 2 to be exact. I had to come here to train a new employee for about an hour and I got paid for that so I guess I did work. I have to work again tomorrow, and I'm thinking on friday as well at AMJ, and then back at AMJ on saturday for sure. I've been thinking, maybe on my fall break, I should work seeing that I have nothing better to do and need money. I think that's a good idea.

  

Good Times

   Despite the fact that I'm still sick and all, I actually had a lot of fun this weekend. I had a movie night on friday. We watched Black Swan and Butterfly Effect. Both were absolutely amazing. I was so into it, I couldn't take my eyes off of it, and even go to the washroom. It was that amazing. I'd definitely watch them again. Both were kind of messed up movies, but it was a good kind of messed up. It's hard to explain, but I loved it.

   Then I had to work yesterday. It wasn't too bad. We worked at the new Epcor Centre, and we were to unload a 53 footer tractor trailer and a 5 ton, and it was so easy. We were laughing. It was full of cabinets, so all I had to do was unwrap everything. Kind of a boring job, but I'll take it. I got paid to cut stuff so it was all good. So ya, I had a pretty decent 7 hour shift. I kind of wished it was a little longer than that, but on the weekend like this weekend, I really really didn't want to work, even though I really need money. At least I made some so I'm happy with that.

   Immediately after I got home from work, I went straight to Stony Plain, again. I went bowling with Sam and her friends from work. I talked about this last night so I'm not going to talk about it again. Anyways, after that we went to a bar in Stony Plain. Before we went there, Sam warned me about how this bar gets sketchy and honestly, that didn't really scare me at all. I don't ever get scared from sketchy bars. All you got to do is stay cool and not start shit, which is what I always do. It was a fairly interesting bar. Hard to explain why and how, but it was different from any other bars in Sherwood Park, or Edmonton. I actually really liked it. The drinks were actually really cheap. I think I only had about $50 on me and I came back with about $8 and I was fairly drunk. I should go to this bar more often haha.

   Okay, so, I went to the bar with an empty stomach, which is always a bad idea, and I drank quite a bit. I think I had 2 jagger bombs, 2 tequila shots, 2 tequila slime, and 2 broken down golf carts. So I think that's quite a bit, and I was fairly drunk but I wasn't at the point where I was about to puke and have upset stomachs and whatnot. Plus, I remember having about 3-4 cigarettes while I was there. I felt totally fine. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

    Another week gone, another one coming up. Let's make it another good one.

Good old life

I miss Sherwood park a little bit right now. I miss all my friends. I miss everything about it. That is all.

Jealousy

It's always been one of my least favourite features about me. I get jealous really really easily. I guess it's a good thing at one point, you know getting jealous when someone does something really good, especially academic wise, but that's really not the case for me. I do get jealous when my friends do well on exams and whatnot, but when I get jealous, it's usually over friends and especially girls.

It probably doesn't seem very attracted to girls do I tend to hide it from them and usually keep it inside me and I get all upset about it and whatnot. It's probably not the healthiest thing to do but i do it anyway.

Sam and I went bowling with her friends just now and on the way back, we had a little conversation and I really wasn't too happy about it. Sure, it was an interesting conversation but I got too jealous. Honestly, it really shouldn't be that big of a deal and I feel like I'm making a huge deal out of it. I am a little upset now. Oh well, we are going to the bar now and I'm going to drink a lot and I really hope that makes me feel better.

Maybe this is a sign that I should stop hanging out with her because every time, after we hang out, I always feel like shit. I don't know, we will see what happens after a while.

Good Life

   I finally moved out from Sam's apartment and I got to say, it feels good and bad at the same time. It feels good, because I found my own place to live and because of that, there's one less person to worry about at Sam's place. I feel a little bad, because I lived there pretty much for free, and I've been having a lot of fun with Sam and her family while I was there. I sure will miss them.

   I found this place I'm living at right now on the weekend and I was lucky enough to move in right away. I was able to borrow a 5 ton truck from AMJ Campbell, thanks to my boss, Todd, and I had 2 good friends, Jessica and Sam, who were willing to help me out with my move. Without them, this whole thing would've been almost impossible, especially without Sam. I can't thank her and her family enough for letting me stay at their place until I find my own place to live. Thanks guys.

   It's been 3 days now and I think it's been pretty good. It's really close to the U of A so I get a little bit of sleep, although I was almost late this morning, and I get a little exercise by walking to school now, which is good, because I wanted to start running/walking more, and it will save me some gas. So that's always good. On my first day here, I had a little bit of trouble with food, and I asked Sam to help me and she was very helpful. She gave me all the tips to save money and eat right and even cooked a dinner for me! It was really nice of her. Now that I think about it, I would not know what to do with my life without her. I'm not saying that whenever I have problems or issues, I'm going to rely on Sam to solve everything for me, but what I'm trying to say is, is that I have a friend who can help me when I need help. Other than that, I've unpacked almost everything and I got to say, it looks pretty good. It looks a lot like my old room though. It's good to sleep on my own bed again but I still got to get used to the fact that I'm not in my old room anymore lol. Only time will tell I guess.

   I deposited my cheque from AMJ and it's been almost a week and it still hasn't gone through yet. Like it's there but it's not. I never had this problem before with my cheques but oh well, I guess I'll wait a couple more days then see what happens. I have to pay off my credit card bill. It's almost $400.

   What should I do this weekend?? I'm free on friday night, and I'm working on saturday and maybe sunday. Hmmm.

Good Luck

   Finally my life seems like it's going the right path. It all started with my paycheques this week. I got paid $400 by the Campus Rec, which is about $100 more than I expected, and I got paid about $250 by the AMJ Campbell Van Lines. I didn't get paid for my sunday's work, but I'd say it's still pretty decent, and plus it'll be on my next paycheque so all is good. So all together, my income for this week was about $650. It's not the greatest income, but I can definitely live with that. After I pay for my rent and damage deposit (yes, I will talk about that in a bit), I'll still have about $500 extra money to spend. Everything seems like it's going the right way now.

   I didn't really get a chance to look for a place to live this week, until about friday actually. I responded to about 5 of them and 4 of them actually replied back and they told me that the rooms they were renting out was still available. That's a good news, but the question is, how many people have already looked at it and was interested? The very first one I looked at was the same thing. Someone was interested but he/she replied to the ad first so that's why I didn't get that place. Anyways, I looked at one last night and it was pretty decent. It was on south side of Edmonton, it's a little far from school and work, but it really wasn't a problem since I have a car, and I probably won't get that place because they had about 3 other people look at the place and said they'll pick one that they like. Honestly, I don't think I left a good impression to them and I haven't heard from them yet so I kind of gave up on that one. I looked at 2 other ones today. One was on north side of Edmonton. It's not that bad. I thought the tenant was totally a guy, but turned out it was a 19 year old girl. The place looked nice and clean but she said she was kind of a stoner. That didn't really bother me at all, but it's probably a good idea to stay away from that kind of stuff. If she still wants me as a roommate, I'd do it. Why not? And the last one I looked at today was probably the best one. Well, best one of the week. It was on University Ave, which is about 2 blocks away from the U of A, and also 2 blocks away from Whyte Ave, where everything is. The roommate seemed pretty nice. She's a middle aged woman and she seemed a little strict about certain things but oh well, I think as long as I show some respect and follow the rules, there is going to be no problem at all. I decided to take that one. It will be $400 a month including everything. The room seemed a little small so when I move all my stuff in there, it will be a little crowded but oh well, I got a place to sleep now. I'm going to try to pick up the key tomorrow and hopefully I can have the truck from work sometime this week.

   When I told Sam about that, she was kind of joking about how she just got used to having me around. That made me smile. It's kind of funny, because I started to get used to living here with her and her family, but honestly, I can't live here forever. I wish I could though, but seeing that this apartment is fairly small for 4 people and whatnot, it's best for me to leave here as soon as possible. It's been a great 2-3 weeks though. I really got along with Sam's family, and I made new friends here in Stony Plain too, well kind of. Anyways, I'm going to miss living here. I definitely should stop by once a while.

   Well, that solved one problem, and I have another problem that needs to be solved right away. I've been wanting to have a little talk with Sam for the longest time, but I couldn't because I'm living with her right now and I didn't want her to get all upset and I didn't want things to get too awkward. Now that I found a place to live, maybe it's a good idea to talk to her. Although, I still think it's a bad idea, considering our friendship may or may not be on the line. She's like my best friend now and I really don't want to lose her as a friend just because I wanted to go a little further than that. BUT, if I don't do anything about it, I'll always be wondering what her reaction would've been. Hmm, this is a tough one. Wonder what it could've been like for forever? Or risk our friendship? Both sounds terrible to me. I don't know what I want. I guess only time will tell. Hopefully.

I'll Find Someone Like You

   Well, I really got nothing to say today. It looks like my blog is kind of going dry but I don't usually skip blogs during school year so I guess I still have to post this. 

   Today seemed really pointless. I went to my only class of the day and it only lasted half an hour, which was kind of good but sucked at the same time. It was good because it ended early, and it sucked because I had to go to school for that short class. But then again, it was a jersey washing day so that kind of made up for it. I got paid for that so that was good. 

   After that, we were on the way home and we decided to stop at this one restaurant and get some food. Oh my god. That place was amazing. It was very classic. I was told that it used to be a school back in the days, and now it's just a local museum and a restaurant. Everything was all old and whatnot and I loved it. It was pretty neat. Sam told me that their pies are really good so I thought I'd try one and holy crap, it was absolutely amazing. I was also told that all their foods are made from scratch so I think that kind of made it better. I'm glad we went there. I absolutely love places like that. I really do.

   I was supposed to look at this one apartment today, but unfortunately, the lady never phoned me back today and gave me her address and her number so I couldn't get a hold of her. Isn't that just great? I did find the address though, but not remembering her name did not help either. When I made an appointment with the person, I didn't realize I was working today at 6:30pm so I had to get Jessica to cover my shift for me for the first hour and I told her that I'd give her half of my shift which was 3 hours. I was only 10 minutes late but oh well, I promised her, and she took her time to cover it for me. Good thing it was only a O35 night though. O35 nights are the most easiest shift ever. You literally don't do anything. So all 3 of us, me, Jessica, and Shay, just sat down and talked the whole time. It was pretty fun. 

   Oh, Aly texted me today. I was fairly surprised. I haven't talked to her for about 2 and a half weeks now. I would've texted her if none of this happened, meaning moving out and whatnot. But ya, it was really good to hear from her. I still have yet to met her and I really want to meet her see what she's really like. She sounds exactly like Jessica to me except she's a little younger. Oh well, maybe one day, I'll actually meet her. I really want to.

   Oh by the way, Sam's mom made me a couple turkey salad sandwiches for supper for me before I left for work, and oh my god, it was the best homemade sandwich I've ever had in my life. I love her food. They are absolutely amazing!

Keep On Rollin'

   It's been exactly a week since I moved out and it surprisingly went by really fast. It's definitely been a rough and heartbreaking week for sure, but really, when do I ever not have a week or even a day like that? It's really not easy to live somewhere I'm not used to live in but I'm surprised that I even survived a whole week without missing my own family or complained about anything. I guess that's the sign that I'm fairly well prepared for what's about to happen soon. Really, I'm not nervous or worried about anything. The only thing that worries me is that I don't want to live at Sam's place for too long. It feels like I'm a burden to them.

   Living at Sam's place is great. I really like her family, especially her mom. I get along with her pretty well most of the times, but sometimes I get this feeling that she doesn't really want me to be around her anymore, which is totally understandable. To be honest, I don't feel completely comfortable living there. It's not that I don't like them, that's for sure, but seeing half of my stuff at her house, and not being very helpful towards all the house works and whatnot just makes me feel really really bad. Plus, Sam's mom has been having back problems for the longest time, and I understand that it's not easy to raise 2 kids like that and now she has to deal with me too so that does not make things easier one bit at all. I am trying my best to help her out with the house work and keep it clean as much as possible and I hope she sees that.

   I will be having a supper with my family tonight. I wouldn't mind that at all. My dad is going back to Europe on thursday and I honestly have no idea when I'll ever see him, especially since I moved out. So I'm kind of glad I'm doing this. I was just going to give him a call tomorrow night but this is better I suppose. Plus, my dad said there's something he wanted to give me so I HAVE to see him tonight. So ya, we will see what happens tonight. If they ask me to move back in, I know what to say so we will see.

   I found this apartment a while ago and I checked it out yesterday and I'm not sure if I liked it or not. The building was pretty old, I didn't really like the owner (he seemed a little rude and unfriendly) and rent seemed a little high. Although, I did find another apartment. This one is a 2 bedroom apartment and and a single 26 year old lady is living there by herself. I talked to her on the phone last night and she seemed like a pretty cool person. She sounded really friendly and nice. I'll be checking out that apartment tomorrow so I hope I get that one. I never thought looking for a place to live would've been this hard but that's how the life is; it's never easy. Never.

   I remember, at the end of last year during the final exams, Jen lived at my house for about 4-5 days and I absolutely hated it. I wanted to leave so bad. And when she left, I was so relieved but then I was kind of mad at her at the same time. I have never talked to her since. I really hope Sam doesn't feel that way about me. I kind of got a hint that she really doesn't want me around her anymore for some reason, I don't know why. If she really feels that way, I don't blame her because I've been in the same situation as this before, except it's completely the other way around. I just hope that she doesn't stop talking to me after I move out of her apartment. I can already see the friendship between me and her is already changing. In a bad way. But what do I know? 

   I'm posting this at CAB at the U of A right now and I'm seeing a lot of couples walking by me. I look at their faces (that kind of sounds creepy but anyways), and they are laughing and smiling with each other. They look like the happiest people to me. I want that feeling again. I want to just hold hands and walk around for hours and just talk and joke around. That always put a smile on my face and I miss that a lot. It feels like it's been so long since I had that feeling. Especially what I've been through this week, it seems like it's been even longer. I want to know what that feels like again. I want some happiness in my life.

Ahh Good Old AMJ Campbell Van Lines

   Unlike other weekends, this weekend has been very productive for me. Ever since the school started I've been working at AMJ Campbell on weekends and it's always been short jobs. We did a job at the Manulife Place and the Bell Tower yesterday and it was definitely one of the biggest jobs I've done so far at AMJ. I can feel what the job is going to be like and how long it will take to finish the job from the equipment we take from the shop. We took about 13 stacks of dollies (there are 7 dollies for each stack), and 6 computer carts and 2 screen carts and 3 chair bins. On top of that, we were supposed to have 9 truck loads. That is a lot. As much as I hate working there more than 8 hours a day, I was still pretty excited because that means my next paycheque will look very good. The job went pretty slow for the first half of the day because it was so unorganized and people were doing different things every half an hour. Anyways, we went through 5 truck loads by 3 pm, which isn't too bad. Then my supervisor, Larry, decided to shut it down at 5:30 pm and finish the job the next day, which was today.

   I honestly didn't mind that. Sure, I'll get a lot of OTs but I prefer to do a big job like that in 2 days. I showed up at the Bell Tower at 8:30 am and that did not last long at all. 2 guys who does Capital Power shifts showed up and asked for the truck but the problem was, one of them has never drove a 5 ton truck before, and the other one is a driver but doesn't know how to drive standard. So I volunteered to drive 206 to Epcor Centre. Now that was a gong show. The elevator broke down, people at Bell Tower needed a truck back but we needed it too, and the 2 supervisors were going at it withe each other. It was pretty bad. But I got a good 8 hours today there so I didn't really care. 

   I thought about it today, and it's been a really long time since I drove one of our work trucks. I think it's been about a month. I think I am definitely getting better at it though, but I still have troubles every once a while. For example, I stalled my truck 3 times at the same spot today. 3 frigging times. Can you believe that? I think I'm pretty good with everything else, I\m getting better at backing up the truck and whatnot, but going uphill in a standard truck is something I got to work on. I'm so scared that it might roll back and hit something or someone behind me. That's why I stalled it actually. Good times. It was embarrassing. 

   So I was texting Sam quite a lot while we were at work, and she talked about Travis at one point and I actually found out quite a lot about them two. Honestly, I'm not sure what I should say or do about that right now. It just seems way too complicated. I was just texting her now too and she told me that she's going to be with Travis tonight and I honestly don't know how I feel about that. I really don't. Yes, of course I am jealous. I've always been a type of person who gets jealous really easily but never show that to people, and I do have feelings for her so that doesn't help either. 

   Although, I have been thinking about this lately, and it kind of hurts me to say this, but I can't really see myself dating her right now. And even if we do end up dating each other, I know it won't happen for a long time, but IF we do, I can't really see myself being a good boyfriend to her. Especially after what she's done for me, it's even harder for me to ask her out. She's been a very good friend to me, and still is, and I can honestly say I'm more than happy with that. I really wish I knew what she's thinking right now. It'll make things a lot easier. Why can't life be nice and simple?

   I am so tired right now. I've been working since 8:30 this morning and I won't be in bed till about midnight. I'm happy that I'm finally getting some decent hours but it's really hard to readjust after 2 months after my last full time shift. I'm looking at this apartment tomorrow and I'm really hoping that I get it. Fingers crossed.

New Family

   It's been approximately 4 days since I moved into Sam's apartment. I am getting used to living here since everyone has been so nice to me but I also feel really bad about staying here at the same time. I could have moved out by this weekend, but I guess some things just don't go the way you always want.

   I looked at this room near University of Alberta campus. It was literally 7-8 blocks away from there and about 5 blocks away from Jessica's house. It was perfect. Close to school, close to LRT station, and bus stations, close to Whyte ave, even though that's not really a good thing, but it would've entertained me a little bit. The house itself was a little dirty/not well maintained but the room was pretty roomy but unfortunately the person looked at it after me took the room because apparently he replied to the ad before me. That crushed me. I felt so good after looking at it, but not even half an hour later I get a news that the other guy took it. I was looking forward to leave this place (not because I don't like staying here, it's just that I feel like everyones' lives are now revolves around me now) and move into a new place and actually start a new life. Well, I got to keep look for it. I don't want to be staying here too long. I feel bad about it every day.

   You know how when something bad happens at one point, and like 20 other bad things happen after that? That happened to me yesterday. I went to work yesterday, and the first 2 games at the Campus Rec hockey games were women's game and I hate women's game because they take so many equipment out and a lot of them complain about the size and whatnot. Anyways, ended up working there alone for like couple hours because the person who was supposed to work with me never showed up. I would've gave someone a call but it's just been so busy I didn't even get to call anyone. On top of that, the referees didn't show up till like the last minute. It was pain in the ass. I was getting so mad I wanted to call someone and just start to bitch at them. But I didn't. I don't do that. It makes me look bad and I don't do things that makes me look bad. Anyways, someone did end covering for that person so it wasn't so bad. 

   So ya, yesterday was definitely not a good day. It was one day I've been looking forward to and hoping that my plans would work out, but it never did. It was exact opposite. But of course, Sam made me feel better. A lot better.

   Today wasn't so different either. I was way too tired to do anything today, and I think all this is finally hitting me. I started to feel it a little bit. It's really affecting my academic performance too. I used to know so much about anatomy but the midterm went bad and I couldn't remember anything during the lab exam today. It made me really upset.

   My dad wanted me to call him. I didn't want to at first because I was scared that he might yell at me for something, but I called him anyway because I really had nothing else to lose. Well, I got a good news out of that. First he asked me how I was doing and whatnot, then he asked me if I wanted to take the car with me and have it under my name. It was very nice of him, because I really needed my own vehicle and I felt terrible about Sam driving my ass everywhere all the time even though I'm paying for the gas. So I will be picking it up tonight. 

   I feel a lot better now because of that, and Sam's family has been really nice to me lately. They are doing their best to help me out, things like providing me with a place to sleep, they feed me and they are even helping me find a place to live. I know I've already said this billion times, but they are saving my life right now and I can't thank them enough. I really hope that I can find a place to live soon. Hopefully by next weekend at the latest. Please god help me!

Day 2: All By Myself

   It's almost been 24 hours since I moved out and I can't really tell if I'm enjoying it or still upset about it. I guess I could I have mixed feelings about it. I already feel terrible that Sam has to put up with me for the next few days, like drive my ass to everywhere and whatnot. That's a lot of effort and she's definitely sacrificing her time for me too. I'm really glad that she's nice enough to provide me with a place to sleep and shower and transportation. It's really not something that's not easy to do.

   So me and Sam decided to pick up the rest of my stuff from my house during my 3 hour break today, and honestly, I was pretty scared to go back. Not because of my mom or anything like that, but because I know my mom threw all my stuff out the front door and was scared that they might still all be there. Well, turned out my parents were nice enough to pack all my stuff up for me and even took the bed apart. It was all set up and ready to go. I honestly didn't think my mom was going to let me in the house that easily but oh well. 

   My original plan for today was to call Todd and ask him if I can borrow one of our work trucks for the day and get all my stuff out of the house, but unfortunately, all the trucks were being used today so that was a no go. So I had to bring as much stuff as possible in a tiny ass Dodge Avenger. At least I brought some stuff back though, right?

   While I was there, I had a little talk with my dad. A very brief one. It was a gooder too. I thought he was going to yell at me too, but it was exact opposite. The first thing he asked me when he saw me was if I found a room for a rent yet, and I told him that I'll be checking out one of the rooms tomorrow and see where that takes me. He also told me this: Moving out and living on your own is not that easy as it sounds, especially if it's your first time. He also told me not to take whatever mom's been telling me in last few days too personally and at least try to talk to her every once a while. Also, if I ever get into trouble, financially, he will help me out and if I ever wanted to move back in, I could. You know, he's been telling me that he will not support me and I won't be able to move back in ever if I ever decided to move out, and I know he meant that, but I guess he saw the mature side of me at some point last night, and maybe today and I think that's why he changed his mind. I could be wrong, but I noticed how my dad was trying not to cry and he's trying to stop me from moving out. I appreciate that, but I already made up my mind and I'm going to stick to it.

   I can't remember if I mentioned this last night, but I have my reasons why I wanted to move out. It's not because of my mom and how we've been fighting and whatnot, it's just that I feel like I'm too spoiled and I'm not sure if I like that. I want to live on my own and teach myself some lessons and feel what it's like to live on my own without having anyone to depend on but myself. Maybe I could get rid of my laziness from this. Maybe I'll actually be more committed to school. Maybe I'll finally learn how to spend my money wisely. Those are the main reasons why I wanted to move out. I have been planning for this for quite a while now, and I didn't expect this to happen all the sudden. Well, what can you do? Life is full of surprises. It's unpredictable.

   I know for sure this will be a lot tougher than I expected, I can feel it already, but I really hope that I can pull it off. With a little help and a few advices from my friends, it will definitely be a lot easier. I don't know, we will see how things go.

   P.S. My mom told me today that I 'moved out,' not got 'kicked out.' Hmm funny, because she told me that if I stayed over at Sam's house on monday night, she said she'd kick me out of the house, and I agreed to it. I don't know, what do you think? Because there's definitely a difference between those two things. I didn't technically volunteered to move out, she brought it up first and I agreed with her. Oh well, it don't matter anymore. What's done is done. Don't look back and keep walking forward. Oh, also, Shayne wasn't too happy about this either. He was right. Everything is going to change. I have no car so unless someone drives me, there's no way I could get to Sherwood Park to see most of my friends. This is going to be a bigger adjustment than I thought it was going to be.

Chapter 1: Moving Out

Well I never thought this would happen so soon, well I was expecting to move out by end of this week but I happened way sooner than I expected. I actually moved out about a couple hours ago. How did it happen? I'll tell you. I come home, it's not my home anymore but still, and everything was fairly going well. I phoned them before I left school and my dad didn't seem too upset about it. But anyways, when I got home, nobody said a word. We didn't even say hi to each other. I went straight to my room and started studying for my anatomy midterm, then my mom walks into my room then says, 'what the he'll are you doing here? Why are you still here?' And guess what I did. Nothing. Completely ignored her and kept studying. This is my philosophy. I don't talk back or respond to my parents when they are yelling at me because it will make things worse and I'd gain nothing from it. So that's why I try to ignore them as much as possible and keep my mouth shut. It annoys the hell out of them. Anyways everything seemed fine after that until about 9 at night. My mom comes into my room and says, 'seriously why are you still here? Why aren't you leaving?' and again, I didnt do shit about it. In fact, I was on my laptop and on my phone the whole time. That just pissed her right off. She comes into my room and just throwing shits everywhere. Awesome. I guess this is really happening. I was texting Sam at the time and I had to tell her about it. Then I called her and she was nice enough to let me stay at her house for the next few days until I find a place to rent. I felt horrible not because my parents got so upset but because I dragged Sam and her mom into my little drama with my family, especially her mom. She had to come pick me up all the way from Stony Plain and had to wait another half an hour because my mom wouldn't let me come back tomorrow and take the rest of my stuff. I kept telling her that I'll be back tomorrow to get the rest of the stuff then she told me how I met some crazy bitch and fucked up my life. That pissed ME right off. First of all, my parents don't even know Sam that much so they got no right to tell me that kind of shit. Secondly, she is the greatest friend I've ever had in my entire life. I have never had a friend like her before. Your family will always be your family whether you like them or not, but friends always come and go. I don't want nobody to say shits about my friend even if it's my family. I was so mad I had to punch the door. That was probably the hardest punch I've ever thrown in my life. My knuckle is all swollen now. It looks pretty. Sam's mom was kind enough to give me an ice pack when I got here. I'm going to be totally honest with you all. I don't feel anything right now. No anger, no sadness, no happiness, no regret, at least not yet, nothing. My parents always wanted to kicked me out of there house and guess what? Their wish is granted. So is mine. I just feel terrible that Sam's family is involved in all this. It was never their fault, and they don't deserve this. I don't even deserve to be even sleeping here right now. These guys are some great people. I can't thank them enough for what they've just done for me. So the new chapter in my life begins now. October 11th 2011, I have left my home for the first time in my life to live on my own. Let's see how long that lasts. I'm going to try to go to bed now. I have to pick up Sam early in the morning. And holy fuck I need a shower ASAP. I haven't showered and brushed my teeth since yesterday morning. That's fucking gross.

Time For a New Chapter in My Life

   So what a hell of a weekend it was. 2 weekends in a row! For those of you don't know what happened last weekend, so not this one we just had but the weekend before, I slept with Sam one night and my parents somehow found out about it and they flipped out at me the morning after. It was very embarrassing and awkward. I felt bad for Sam.

   Last night, Sam invited me to go see a Avril Lavigne concert. I've never been to a concert in my life so she decided to take me. Everything was going fine until about 11:30 pm. I texted my sister to tell mom that the concert is not going to be done for another half an hour or so, which was true, and then I told her that I'm going to stay over because that way I could get more sleep rather than having to drive all the way back to Stony Plain then drive back to Sherwood Park which is going to take about an hour and 20 minutes. Then my mom calls me and she was all upset with me because apparently she checked the internet and found out that there was no concert today. What!? What is this? She thought I was with Sam the whole time, which is true but I never told her that who I was going with so that was my bad, but why?? She didn't believe that I was at a concert, she probably thought I was sleeping with her again. Then she tells me how we weren't done talking about what happened the weekend before, in fact we haven't even started talking about it. WTF.

    If they want to talk to me about what's been going on with me and Sam, sure, I'll talk about it. It's not like I've done something wrong, or gotten her pregnant or anything like that. If you got something to say to me, just say it, don't wait till something else happens. I think I'm going to have to start talking to them today. I can't hide anything anymore, there's too much drama going on in this house. Why can't they just accept the fact that I'm 20 now and I am capable of making my own decision?

   I am getting kind of fed up with all this. Sometimes I feel like I'm just being used by my family. Do you know that feeling? When your family only talks to you when they need you or when you do something wrong and then they just don't give a shit about you and treat you like shit all the time. That's exactly what I feel like everyday. Especially with my dad. It seems like he's trying to 'buy' love from me. He never talks to me unless he needs me or when he's mad at me for something, then he tries to buy me all these shits. It's not like I asked for them. Yes, I talk about how much I want this and that, but that doesn't mean I want him to buy me all that. It just doesn't work that way. 

   So, my final decision? I am going to move out as soon as possible. I know it may not be the wisest decision seeing that I have absolutely no money at all, and I have never lived on my own before in my life, and I'll probably regret it in the end, but it's going to be a lot better than being stuck here where I get no freedom whatsoever. It has to happen sooner or later anyway. I'm not 100% sure if I'm ready for this or not but I can say that it's definitely a good time to start a new chapter in my life.

   I don't care what my parents say about Sam, I love her as a friend and she's a great friend and I can't thank her enough for what she's done for me. I'm not going to lie, I am very surprised that she's still helping me with my problems, and hell, I'm surprised that she's still even talking to me after what we've been through. To me, she's a perfect definition of 'true friend.' I honestly don't know what I'd do without her. I realized she's one of few people that makes me happy. I am lucky to have a friend like Sam.

No Matter What Happens, Stay Positive

   I didn't really feel any better today. I think it was mostly because of me and Sam. When we went out for lunch yesterday, she said something that made me pretty mad and jealous. There's this guy who's been asking her to 'hang out' since like July and she once told me that she's curious why he's been doing that to her, and what he's expecting from her when they do hang out. Sam decided to actually hang out with him today just because she was curious. When she said that, I got upset instantly and I was extremely jealous. Of course I never showed any of that emotion to her because I wouldn't want her to think that I'm immature or anything like that. 

   Honestly though, I really should not be jealous and mad over all this. She's not my girlfriend, and I doubt that she will ever be no matter how long I wait and how hard I try. Maybe this is a sign that I really made a mistake of sleeping with her that night and I'm slowly falling for her, but it's pretty clear to me that we are not meant to be together. Maybe it's just me, I don't know. I think the best option for me right now is to have a little talk with her and tell her how I really feel. The damage is already done, I really have nothing to lose. It feels like our relationship/friendship will ever be the same again.

   It's really hard for me to let go of something, especially when it comes to girls. When things didn't work out between me and Jessica back in summer, it took me a long time to get over that, then I met Cori and I just forgot about what even happened. I had some good times with her, then she stopped talking to me and again, took me a while to let it go, then I met Sam and I instantly forgot about what happened before. Sam and I had a good run I got to say, even though we didn't really start anything. I am now at that stage where I'm trying to forget that this whole thing has never happened. Luckily just in time, I found a girl. Her name is Aly. She's a big hockey fan like myself and Jessica. I actually have a date with her this weekend. I'm pretty excited to meet her. Hopefully Aly would help me forget about Sam. Even if Sam finds out about it, I doubt that she'd get upset about it. Otherwise she wouldn't be doing this to me, unless it's some sort of test she's trying on me.

    Do I think before I say/do stuff? Yes and no. I do but I don't ever think about what will happen afterwards. I don't really care about anything right now to be honest. I feel like I should just do whatever I can and want to make myself feel better.

Lost? or Confused? or Both?

    It seems like this is happening to me every year. I'd fall for a girl, but I would not know what to do about it, and I'd get really frustrated, and mad and depressed. I can honestly say that this problem has been really affecting my life; not only as my social life but my academic performance as well. Everyday I wake up, and think about that person trying to brighten up my day, but it always ends with disappointment. I'm not very good at talking to girls as you can see.

   I met this girl named Sam, I mentioned about her before, and it seems like I don't really have that problem anymore. Well, I still kind of do, but it's not as bad as how it was before. Sam has been really nice to me ever since we met. I feel bad sometimes, because she'd talk to me a lot and most of the time, I would not know what to say back to her, or I would not be able to carry on a conversation. It's not that I don't want to talk to her or don't like her or anything like that, it's just that I really don't know what to talk about. Jessica is a really good friend of mine now, and I can have a conversation for hours with her now. Sometimes I wonder, why can't I do that with Sam? I know I was a little scared to talk to Jessica before we became really good friends, and it seems like this is happening all over again. I am comfortable being with Sam and all, but why? I just feel really bad every time I hang out with her.

   Aside from lack of talking, I do have another problem. It's called jealousy. I realized I get extremely jealous and upset when Sam talks about her ex boyfriends and her guy friends. It's not that I don't trust her, I do, but I don't know, I guess that's just my personality. Although, I have been trying not to think about that too much, but for those of you who knows me well, you know that it's hard for me to let go of certain things, and move on. 

   We aren't dating yet, but she said she would when she's more comfortable with me. I totally respect that. I'm never going to force someone to date me, because, the odds are, it's not going to turn out pretty. So, I can definitely wait until she's ready. Do I want to date her? I have given a second thought about that recently, and yes, I still do want to, but first, I really have to work on my problems. We've been seeing each other for over a month now, and nobody has ever made me this happy than Sam. I am a lot more positive and happier person when I'm with her. It seems like she wants to take things slow and let's wait and see what happens in the future. Even if we don't end up dating each other, I think she'd be a real good friend like Jessica.

New Beginning

   Well, it's been a while since I blogged. As you know, I lost one of my family members recently so I've been feeling a little depressed and etc. but it seems like everything is almost back to normal.

   I just had my last full time shift at AMJ Campbell yesterday. I'm kind of glad that I don't have to work there as much now, but I'm also a little sad at the same time, mostly because I've become a really good friends with almost everyone there. I've been wanting to quit lately, mostly because of Ryan, one of my supervisors, but now that he's gone it really changed my mind. I think I want to work here until I finish school. So anyways, my last full time job was pretty interesting. Stair carry, lots of bins and desk pieces. Aaron was joking about how me and Dipon were going to run the stairs because it was our last day, but surprisingly Aaron gave me an easy job. Electronics and pictures. Even though it was easy, I've never done it before so I was a little lost, but I had some help from the veteran movers so it was all good. Surprisingly the first half of the job went really smoothly and fast. We had to wait to get into the next job site. So we had another guy leaving our company last week, and on his last day, apparently Jerry, Rico, Gerald, Aaron and Brian taped him hardcore. I told Jerry that it was my last day that day and he just laughed. Oops lol I probably shouldn't have told him that. While we were on a break, they taped Dipon onto one of those barricade bars and I was just sitting there laughing then Aaron says hi to me then next thing you know, Jerry and Rico runs up to me and started to tape me too. Good times lol. I'm going to miss these guys, even though I'll still be working there on weekends. Sometimes the job gets really hairy and tough, but these guys always makes it better. I feel like I'm going to work at AMJ to pretty much hang out with these guys, not to move bins and furniture.

   I've been hanging out with my friends quite a lot lately too. Shayne and Kyle came over one day and helped me install my short ram intake to my car, which sounds sick!!!! It's got a lot of power now too but I can't really tell the difference in gas mileage but oh well, who cares lol. Anyways, it was really nice to see Kyle. I haven't even talked to him since that one day when we went to the bar with Matt and Breanna. Then I hung out with Jessica few days after. We just had a dinner and just talked for hours. I had a lot of fun that day. And now we are going to go to the Oilers preseason game on September 24th so I'm really excited about that. It's going to be awesome even though it's only a preseason game. I haven't been to the game since St. Patty's day of 2009. I've been seeing Sam quite a lot too actually. I'm actually really surprised that she's still hanging out with me. I mean, I've been gone for 3 weeks and honestly, I thought she'd be looking for someone else by the time I got back, because we've been only seeing each other for about a week before I left for Europe, but I don't know, that was nice of her. Anyways, I had a lot of fun with her too. So I still want to date Sam, but something tells me I shouldn't. Hmmm.

    So I'll be going to Frizzy's party tonight and a lot of my friends from high school are going to be there so I'm really excited. It should be a good night. It's my last weekend before school starts so let's make it a good night!!

Europe Day 21 - final day of the trip

It's been a hell of a day again today. Yup, yesterday was not a good day for us either. Like I mentioned on my previous post, we went to the Palace of Versailles. What went wrong? Everything. Starting with the train. We were aware of that that we could take the train there for free since we have the Eurail pass but the lady there told us that we had to purchase the tickets. We were ripped off about 26 euros. A definitely a bad start. Then it gets better. We were transferring our train at this one station, but we took the wrong train and ended up going back to where we started. We wasted over half an hour from that. And on top of that, we started off our day pretty late so we were running out of time. We finally got there at around 11:30am and then guess what happened. We were standing in the wrong line so we wasted another 30 minutes there then got to the line we were supposed to go to then stood there for about an hour then went back to the line we were at the first time and waited about 20 minutes.

Thankfully though, we did see everything. It sure was one of the most beautiful places I've ever been to.

Today was a weird day. We went to the Notre Dame and then went to La Defense and that was about it. So this one kid from one of the metro station started to really piss me off. I was taking a picture before we got there and this same kid started to wave his hand in front of my camera. What the fuck. That pissed me off a little bit but it wasn't something I'd get mad about. Then when we actually met up at the station, we were actually buying tickets. This kid stood right behind us when we were buying and I guess he saw my dad typing in his pin for his credit card. After that, he started to yell out thr pin numbers over and over again. So I just went up to him and just lost it at him. I was about to punch him in the face but my mom and my dad grabbed both of my arms and dragged me down the hallway so it didn't happen.

I was a little worried at that time but when my dad called the bank and all that, I now know that it's not a big deal and it's safe. At least for now.

Everything else was going just fine until about an hour ago. Just as we were about to eat and shower, my dad told us that my grandma had just passed away. So now we are all sad and depressed. It's just going to be me and my sister going back home to Canada now. Mom and dad will be leaving for Korea tomorrow as well. What a way to end the most beautiful trip of my life. Rest in peace grandma.

Europe Day 20

What a start to this day. We were supposed to just loil around the city and go shopping and whatnot today, but we are now standing in the line to get into the Palace of Versailles. This actually was our original plan but I don't know why it was changed then changed back again. I swear to god, my family can't make up their mind. They are always confused and lost.

Id write more stuff right now but I need my battery to take pictures so stay tuned till tonight.

Europe Day 19

   Due to lack of internet connection, I was not able to write up any more blogs for the past 4 days. So I guess I'm going to have to talk about what's been going on for the past few days.

   I'm actually in Paris now, my final destination of this trip, but I just got here today and I was still in Rome for past few 3 days before today. Rome was absolutely amazing. We went to the Colosseum on our first day and it was just amazing. When I saw it I was speechless. Also, there were a lot of ruins as well near it. I never knew that, but even those were amazing too. We were going to look around the city a little bit more, but that took us all day to just see the Colosseum and the ruins. Not a bad start.

   On our second day in Rome, we actually went to Vatican City. I've always wanted to go to Vatican when I was young and I finally did. To be honest, it was nothing like what I expected. For some reason, all these years, I thought you weren't allowed to visit Vatican because I thought only the popes were allowed to get in and out. Turned out it wasn't. There was a museum, which was a lot like The Louvre in Paris. I didn't know, but the Louvre and Vatican are the top 2 biggest art museums in the world. Awesome. I've been to 2 of the top 3 museums in the world in not even 3 weeks. It was as good as the Louvre, but then again, I'm not really into arts so I found some stuffs pretty boring. The best part was, though, was the church. I can't remember what it was called because it was all in Italian, but that was sick. It was the biggest and the most beautiful church I've ever seen in my life. That was more like the Vatican I wanted to see, but there still was a little bit of disappointment. I wanted to see the whole town, but it just never happened. Oh well, it was still amazing so I'm happy with that.

   Last day in Rome, I thought, was the best one of all. Don't get me wrong, The Colosseum and Vatican was good too, but we got to see a smaller ruins and sites in Rome on our last day. Some were really good but some were a little disappointing. We literally went to almost everywhere in Rome so it's hard to talk about all of it, but I will talk about this one place: Trevi Fountain. It was the most busiest place in Rome. Well, it was about the same as Colosseum, but the Fountain was pretty small so it seemed like there was a lot of people and it seemed really crowded. I was told that it was the most beautiful fountain in Rome, and it really was. It was gorgeous. Sam told me that it looks even better at night but I didn't have a chance to actually see it at night. I totally would've checked it out at night if I didn't have to come here to Paris.

   I just arrived here in Paris this morning. We had to take the night train to get here. It was a little different. We were in one of those trains with beds in them. It was fairly interesting. It was new to me so I had a little fun with it but at the same time, it was a little awkward, because there were a couple people that weren't my family but there were good people so I didn't really have problem with them which was good.

   So, we didn't really do much in Paris today for a couple reasons. First, we arrived here late so there really wasn't much time to do stuff, and secondly, we were already here before so there really isn't much left to see. We ended up going back to Eiffel tower and this time, we actually went up. It was awesome. I got to see the whole town in that just one spot. It was beautiful. When we came back down, we went on to one of those tour ferry. We haven't done any group tours or anything like that so it was kind of new to us, but we decided to go for it anyway because we got 50% discount haha. It was definitely worth it. At least I thought it was. I got to know Paris a little bit more and I like going on the ferries so it was fun.

   So that's pretty much the summary for the past 4 days. I got 2 more full days left till I go back home. I still want to be home pretty bad but at the same time, I don't want to leave. I would definitely come back here later in the future for sure, but this time, not with my family. It's good that I'm with my family right now, but it's always not the best thing. So next time when I come here, it's got to be with someone special.

Europe Day 15

   Yay! It's my birthday today! I love how I just spent my birthday in Europe but at the same time, I'm a little sad that I'm not home to go for drinks or even just hang out with my friends, but I can always do that when I go back home next week. You don't get this kind of chance too often; being in Europe on your birthday.

   We finished off our day at Florence earlier today. We left out few parts of the city for today, and we went through it like nothing. We were done in like 2 hours. So we decided to check out some of the flea markets and we bought 6 key chains. It was fairly cheap actually, and it looks really good. Not that I really need another key chains on my keys but it's a pretty decent souvenir. The owner at the place we stayed at recommended us this one really good restaurant. We were told that they have really good food compare to the price so we decided to check that out as well. I just wanted to go with something simple, not too fancy, so I got myself a spaghetti with meat sauce. It was really good. It was a little saltier than the ones I had back home, but I guess that's what it's supposed to be like?? Anyways, I can now say I've tried pretty much everything so far. I've had pizza, spaghetti, and wine! Oh and a lot of European beers too. I still haven't tried the donair here. Apparently they are called doner kebab or something. Sounds pretty fancy so I want to try it. One day lol.

   We are in Rome right now, haven't really looked around at all. We just got a couple beers and just chilling here right now. I guess we got a big day tomorrow. We were just looking at our map, but it seems like it's going to be another long walk. Really long walk. I never thought I'd say this or even understood it when someone else said it, but this is actually a lot harder and more tiring than working. Working at AMJ isn't the easiest job. It really wears you out, but this is even worse. Oh well, it's all worth it.

Europe Day 14

   I'm not going to lie, Europe is definitely the most amazing place I've been to so far in my life, and I'm still having a lot of fun, but it's getting pretty repetitive now. We spent about 2 hours in Florence, then we decided to go check out Pisa. We were planning on going to Pisa tomorrow morning, but we decided to go today.

   Pisa was definitely one of the smaller town. It was a lot like Brugge in Belgium. It was a pretty neat town. We went there to see the Leaning Tower of Pisa, of course, and we did. I got to say, I had a mixed feelings about that place. It was amazing that how angled it was, and I finally got saw one of the most famous place on earth, but I was also a little disappointed because the whole place, and the tower itself wasn't as big as I thought. Anyways, it was still pretty cool. It only took us about 3-4 hours to go there and come back to Florence.

    When we got back, we decided to go straight to this one palace in Florence. I can't really remember the name of the place, I'll let you guys know as soon as I find out. It was huge! Not only the palace was big, but the backyard, or the garden they call it, was even bigger! There were a lot of nice pathways, a fortress thing that looked like Halifax Citadel. It was absolutely gorgeous. Even though it was really nice there, we had few problems. We went there pretty late so we had to see everything in about a couple hours which was impossible, so we skipped few parts and we were just rushing. Secondly, we've been walking all day before we went there so we were extremely tired. We've actually have not been taking whole lot of public transits or cabs at all. It's always been subway or train, nothing else, if not, we'd walk. Thirdly, it was about 35C out so it was so hot out. I think it was way too hot out for us Albertans. I wish it was a little cooler and we would've went there earlier, but at least we went, so that's all it matters. It was worth all that.

   I just realized today, all the cities in Europe are fairly small. Everything is in walking distance and we pretty much checked out the whole town in Italy and Belgium without even taking any public transit. That's pretty neat actually, that way, we get to check out more towns in a shorter period of time.

   I got exactly one more week left till I go home. I sure am going to miss Europe, but I'm also really excited to go back home. I miss work, surprisingly, and I miss my friends, and most of all, I miss sleeping in my own bed and showering in my bathroom. Oh and I miss smoking! I'm going crazy right now. Oh well, just one more week to go! And plus, since my mom knows that I smoke, I don't have to hide it anymore and maybe smoke at home. Yay!

   Oh I found out this morning that Jessica didn't get in. I felt horrible because I knew how much this meant to her and now, she may or may not be going back to school next year, but apparently she can still register all her classes after tomorrow. I really hope that she gets into those classes at least, not only because I need a study buddy, but like I said before, I know how much this means to her. She's my best friend, and I want her to be happy and want all the best things to happen to her. Well, fingers crossed.

   I just finished like a liter of some Italian beer called Dreher. It's pretty decent. Definitely not as good as French or Belgian beers though. Anyways, I'm going to bed now. I'm pretty beat from today and I got 7 more days like this coming up. Oh, it's my birthday tomorrow! Yay! And we will be going to one of the most beautiful place in Europe: Rome. I am so excited! This is going to be the best birthday ever!!

Europe Day 13

   Today was the 12th day in Europe. I know, the title said day 13, but it's actually 12. The first day was actually the day I left my house, and we actually arrived in Paris the day after, which was the 2nd of August. Anyways, today was awesome. We spent few hours in downtown of Venice. We went back to the same place as yesterday, it was called S. Marco, but we didn't get to go up the tower or inside the church and whatnot, but today, we went up the tower. It was amazing. It was actually high enough to see the whole town. The view was absolutely stunning. The shore looked really really good. Plus the weather was really nice today so the sky was all clear and everything. It was awesome. 

   We took the 3:39pm train going to Florence and we arrived here at about 6. We were just going to relax at our hotel, but we were told that there's this one place in Florence that has an outstanding view at night so we had supper and decided to go check it out. We actually never toured around the town at night so far in this trip. Well, we did see the Eiffel tower all lit up at night, but that was about it. Anyways, we had to walk about half an hour to 40 minutes to get to that hill, or Michelangelo square or something, but when we got there, and even on the way there, it was absolutely gorgeous. There were street performers everywhere, which was pretty fun and entertaining, and the view was fantastic. I took quite a lot of pictures but you can't really tell what it is, it looks like just bunch of lights in dark haha. But still, it was beautiful. 

   We were also told that there's a lot of theft and pickpockets here in Florence but turned out, it's just about the same as Venice. It wasn't bad at all. I don't know about during the day, but tonight wasn't so bad. I didn't have to worry about getting my stuff stolen at all. In fact, I didn't even think about it, because I was so into the view I just totally forgot about it. I hope tomorrow is just about the same. Everybody was right. Florence IS beautiful.

   When I was up at that hill, I thought it was the most romantic place on earth. It had an amazing view, and I don't know why, but I thought it was really romantic. I didn't really feel depressed or anything, but I felt the loneliness inside of me. I really wished that I was with someone special, regardless of who it is. Well, when I actually get a girlfriend, I know where to go now.

Europe Day 12

Today was actually a lot better than Milan. We are actually staying just outside of Venice so we didn't really get to see the town when we arrived here yesterday. It was absolutely stunning! Venice is a pretty famous place for movies and I really thought I was in one of them. I can't really describe that feeling when you walk down one of the streets in Venice. When you hit the water, it feels even better. When I was living back in Korea, I lived by thr ocean my childhood so it reminded me of those days. Good times.

I didn't realize this until about 3-4 hours into walking around the city but there are no vehicles there at all. Not even scooters! You either have to walk or take public transits, like boats or travel in your own private boat! How awesome is that? Thr streets here are so narrow you can barely pass through another person beside you. It was amazing.

Since there was a lot of tourists, I didn't really have to worry about getting my stuff stolen. Although, it is still Italy, I was pretty cautious because you never know what will happen. I can honestly say that Venice was one of the best places I've been to so far in this trip next to Interlaken. I still have one more day to check out rest of thr city then I'm off to Florence tomorrow night. I'm pretty excited!!

So, now that I have quite a lot of time, I should tell you who Sam is. She's another one of the girls I met on that online dating website. We met in real life for the first time about a week before I came here. We went to Capital Ex actually. I don't know about her, but I had a lot of fun that day. It got pretty romantic towards the end of the night. When we got off the ferris wheel and as we started to walk around, they started the fireworks. Then out of nowhere she turned around and hugged me and next thing you know,we were making out. I don't know, I thought that was pretty romantic. It was awesome.

I met her again the next day and we had a dinner then went for a movie. Dinner wasn't that great because we didn't really eat much. But we did grab a couple beers after. Movie was pretty fun too. We watched Friends With Benefits, but I missed about half of the movie because we were kind of busy making out. I had a great time that night too.

I only saw her briefly a couple times after that then I came here. It felt like it was going pretty well, but she told me that I seemed a little too eager. I wasn't trying to be but it kind of sucks that she felt that way.

Before I left, she told me that she'd wait for me and would start a relationship depending on her bloodwork, but I doubt that anything will happen when I get back to Edmonton. 3 weeks is a long time. Anything can happen even in 1 day. I mean, it'd be really nice if she did wait for me till I come back home, but seeing that she's still on that dating website and updated her pics and title for her profile, shes definitely looking for someone else. It kind of sucks because I want to date her but then again, we just met and we met through online dating website so I guess it's not supposed to work out well. And I guess I expected too much from it and took it way too serious. Oh well, I guess we will see what happens when I get back, who knows, Cory might start talking to me again or I'll find someone else.

Oh by the way, I think I finally know why I was so upset for past couple days. It's nothing to do with Sam, and it's nothing to do with Milan. I've been smoke free for past couple weeks so I guess that's why haha. Oh how I miss smoking.