No Matter What Happens, Stay Positive

   I didn't really feel any better today. I think it was mostly because of me and Sam. When we went out for lunch yesterday, she said something that made me pretty mad and jealous. There's this guy who's been asking her to 'hang out' since like July and she once told me that she's curious why he's been doing that to her, and what he's expecting from her when they do hang out. Sam decided to actually hang out with him today just because she was curious. When she said that, I got upset instantly and I was extremely jealous. Of course I never showed any of that emotion to her because I wouldn't want her to think that I'm immature or anything like that. 

   Honestly though, I really should not be jealous and mad over all this. She's not my girlfriend, and I doubt that she will ever be no matter how long I wait and how hard I try. Maybe this is a sign that I really made a mistake of sleeping with her that night and I'm slowly falling for her, but it's pretty clear to me that we are not meant to be together. Maybe it's just me, I don't know. I think the best option for me right now is to have a little talk with her and tell her how I really feel. The damage is already done, I really have nothing to lose. It feels like our relationship/friendship will ever be the same again.

   It's really hard for me to let go of something, especially when it comes to girls. When things didn't work out between me and Jessica back in summer, it took me a long time to get over that, then I met Cori and I just forgot about what even happened. I had some good times with her, then she stopped talking to me and again, took me a while to let it go, then I met Sam and I instantly forgot about what happened before. Sam and I had a good run I got to say, even though we didn't really start anything. I am now at that stage where I'm trying to forget that this whole thing has never happened. Luckily just in time, I found a girl. Her name is Aly. She's a big hockey fan like myself and Jessica. I actually have a date with her this weekend. I'm pretty excited to meet her. Hopefully Aly would help me forget about Sam. Even if Sam finds out about it, I doubt that she'd get upset about it. Otherwise she wouldn't be doing this to me, unless it's some sort of test she's trying on me.

    Do I think before I say/do stuff? Yes and no. I do but I don't ever think about what will happen afterwards. I don't really care about anything right now to be honest. I feel like I should just do whatever I can and want to make myself feel better.