Keep On Rollin'

   It's been exactly a week since I moved out and it surprisingly went by really fast. It's definitely been a rough and heartbreaking week for sure, but really, when do I ever not have a week or even a day like that? It's really not easy to live somewhere I'm not used to live in but I'm surprised that I even survived a whole week without missing my own family or complained about anything. I guess that's the sign that I'm fairly well prepared for what's about to happen soon. Really, I'm not nervous or worried about anything. The only thing that worries me is that I don't want to live at Sam's place for too long. It feels like I'm a burden to them.

   Living at Sam's place is great. I really like her family, especially her mom. I get along with her pretty well most of the times, but sometimes I get this feeling that she doesn't really want me to be around her anymore, which is totally understandable. To be honest, I don't feel completely comfortable living there. It's not that I don't like them, that's for sure, but seeing half of my stuff at her house, and not being very helpful towards all the house works and whatnot just makes me feel really really bad. Plus, Sam's mom has been having back problems for the longest time, and I understand that it's not easy to raise 2 kids like that and now she has to deal with me too so that does not make things easier one bit at all. I am trying my best to help her out with the house work and keep it clean as much as possible and I hope she sees that.

   I will be having a supper with my family tonight. I wouldn't mind that at all. My dad is going back to Europe on thursday and I honestly have no idea when I'll ever see him, especially since I moved out. So I'm kind of glad I'm doing this. I was just going to give him a call tomorrow night but this is better I suppose. Plus, my dad said there's something he wanted to give me so I HAVE to see him tonight. So ya, we will see what happens tonight. If they ask me to move back in, I know what to say so we will see.

   I found this apartment a while ago and I checked it out yesterday and I'm not sure if I liked it or not. The building was pretty old, I didn't really like the owner (he seemed a little rude and unfriendly) and rent seemed a little high. Although, I did find another apartment. This one is a 2 bedroom apartment and and a single 26 year old lady is living there by herself. I talked to her on the phone last night and she seemed like a pretty cool person. She sounded really friendly and nice. I'll be checking out that apartment tomorrow so I hope I get that one. I never thought looking for a place to live would've been this hard but that's how the life is; it's never easy. Never.

   I remember, at the end of last year during the final exams, Jen lived at my house for about 4-5 days and I absolutely hated it. I wanted to leave so bad. And when she left, I was so relieved but then I was kind of mad at her at the same time. I have never talked to her since. I really hope Sam doesn't feel that way about me. I kind of got a hint that she really doesn't want me around her anymore for some reason, I don't know why. If she really feels that way, I don't blame her because I've been in the same situation as this before, except it's completely the other way around. I just hope that she doesn't stop talking to me after I move out of her apartment. I can already see the friendship between me and her is already changing. In a bad way. But what do I know? 

   I'm posting this at CAB at the U of A right now and I'm seeing a lot of couples walking by me. I look at their faces (that kind of sounds creepy but anyways), and they are laughing and smiling with each other. They look like the happiest people to me. I want that feeling again. I want to just hold hands and walk around for hours and just talk and joke around. That always put a smile on my face and I miss that a lot. It feels like it's been so long since I had that feeling. Especially what I've been through this week, it seems like it's been even longer. I want to know what that feels like again. I want some happiness in my life.