Day 1

   I absolutely have no emotions right now. My parents just left this morning and I should be somewhat happy and sad at the same time. Neither are one of my emotions right now. I literally have no feeling, or even thinking about anything. I wouldn't say it's a bad thing. I have right to be mad at my parents, and vice versa. But, damn, I didn't think I was going to be this mad. I dropped them off at the airport and I honestly didn't say anything to them. And right now, it's not even bothering me that I didn't say anything. I feel the same as last night. Actually, I lied. I feel a little better than yesterday, but with no anger left in me.

   I did go to the bank today, and asked them what was up with my credit card. Turned out, it was nothing. Just something I wasn't aware of and started freaking out about it. Apparently, when you use credit card at the gas station, it charges you $100 and they give you back whatever amount you didn't spend so I'm getting back my $60. I felt so dumb after finding this out because, first of all, I go to the same gas station all the time, and use the same pump and this never happened before until like this week. It kind of suprised me. And secondly, I obviously didn't know about it till now, so I was freaking out because the gas station ripped me off. So it's all good now. There's nothing to worry about.

   Actually there is. If I'm going to move out, the odds are I need to find a place to live and pay it for myself, and I'm probably going to give back my car to my parents. Not that i was planning on taking it with me but still. I've been looking at some of these on Kijiji and I think I can do this. Although, some things has to work out nicely if I want this to turn out pretty. 1) I need student loan. 2) I need a full time job for summer. I found this one where you work with Telus as a salesman, and you get paid $4000 a month!!!! That's amazing. If I get this job, which I probably won't, but still, if I do, I'll be able get an actually pretty decent car (I'm thinking like Skyline or Soarer or anything JDM) and pay for the rent and tuition all at the same time. I really wish I get that position. Or at any other places. I submitted my resume pretty much everywhere and haven't heard from any of them yet. I hope at least some of them call me back. 

   I will be going to work in a bit and tonight is going to be the last night I'll be working with this girl. I'm kind of sad about that, because she was a real good friend and we actually never got to like hang out outside of work. I kind of regret not asking her to hang out because, from now on, the odds are, we are probably never going to hang out. Ever. And I actually really like her. We always just have been and always will be 'work friends.' I hate making friends then losing them. Oh well, easy come easy go, right? It turns out, life is like that too. An opportunity comes and if you miss it, then it's gone. You are done. You've got to lose yourself into whatever that is, and the moment you own it, never let it go, because you only get one shot, and do not miss your chance to blow, these kind of opportunity comes once in a life time. That was actually from a song by Eminem. Thought I'd share that.

Life Is a Bitch and I Don't Appriciate It Anymore

   Okay here we go, something I've been waiting for but hoping that it wouldn't happen. The talk with my dad. It finally happened after about 10 days with him. Although, it was nothing like I expected. It was way worse than I expected. Way worse. This is what happened.

   We went out for dinner as a family before my parents leave for Europe tomorrow, and it went quite well. The food was great, and it was fun. Then me and my dad went to the liquor store, and bought a 15 pack of MGD and a 4 pack of Guinness. I was quite surprised by that because my dad is actually buying me load of booze?? That's new. Then when we got home, my mom called the 'family meeting.' Okay here we go, I knew what was coming. And it was exactly what I expected right at the get go. First thing my dad said was 'how is school going?' and I said, 'not so good.' His reaction to this? Not so good. What he told me afterward just killed me. He told me to give up school after this semester, and go back to Korea and serve in the army. If you didn't know, if you are Korean, and a male, and over the age of 19 (I think), you HAVE to serve at least 22 months in the army. It is the law. As for me, I'm 19, male, and still unfortunately Korean. I'm currently hold a permanent resident for Canada, not a citizenship. Honestly, I don't want to go to the army for a lot of reason. 1) It's a big waste of time. Almost 2 years of nothing but rolling in the mud and not get paid?? Ya it's a big waste of fucking time. 2) I finally decided what I want to do after a long fight with my mom and a lot of thinking, and just like that, my dad barge into my life again and start controlling it. 3) I have lived in Canada for so long that I'm pretty much attach to this country. I love everything about it. This is the heaven in my dictionary. 4) I'm tired of moving to different places all the time. It's not like I have before, but I know what it's like to move to places to places. It's kind of hard to get used to and I already made a lot of friends here and I'm not planning on losing them anytime soon. 5) Coming back after 2 years and going back to U of A? Um okay. Let's see how that one turns out. I guarantee you it ain't going to be pretty. I'll probably see a lot of Fs and I don't want that. 6) What about money? I don't care if my parents will give me money. I don't want them to. I'm not being nice, I just don't like it when people lend me money. It makes me feel like one of those fucking unemployed people. They were the one who told me not to beg for financial aids and yet, they are offering me to do that. Fuck no. 7) I'm not 12 anymore. I think I have the right to do shits I want to do. They ain't paying for shits for me now. I am. I get that they are my parents but they can't control my life forever. Just fucking let me handle this myself. I'm not a fucking kid anymore. I'm almost 20. I think I know what I'm doing. 8) Honestly, I guess, deep down, maybe I'm a little scared to go. It's been 7 years and I don't know if I'm ready for another change. I don't know what's still the same, or what's been changed. I just don't know what to expect when I go there. I mean, how would people treat me? What if I say something to someone and they get mad at me? What if I don't make friends? I don't want any of this. I don't need any of this.

   I don't think my dad really knows me. What I mean by that is that I don't think he understands what's been going through my head, and why I've been doing so bad at school. He told me, or reminded me tonight what we talked about months ago. He told me that if I get a really good GPA, he'd let me do anything I want to do next year. Well, apparently I forgot about that until now. This was kind of unfair to me right at the get go because first of all, apparently, that was a 'promise.' I didn't really wanted to be a promise, but what choice did I have? Even if I told him that, it still wouldn't matter, because he does whatever he wants. My opinions don't matter. Secondly, if he didn't brainwash me with the whole engineering thing, I would've chose something different to do right at the start. The only reason I got into Science was because he forced me. I didn't want to do it but at the same time I didn't want to tell him that, because I didn't want to disappoint him, and like I said, it wouldn't have mattered to him. I don't got no choice with anything. They stopped me from being what I wanted to be, and what I wanted to do, and how the fuck do you expect me to do well? This isn't 1932 anymore. It's 2011. Things change as time goes on. I don't know what it was like when they were young but those days are over. They were the one who told me to go forward, not backward. That's what I'm trying to do, and they are kind of interfering with it. But anyways, that being said, it's not like I didn't try at all. I'll admit, it definitely wasn't my best effort, but I did try. I mean, I went to school during exam time, and I studied for hours for days, but the result didn't help me out at all. I pretty much just wasted my time. That's something he doesn't know. That, something he doesn't understand.

   At the end of the talk, my parents always ask me to say something I want to say. I do have shit load of stuff to say to them but I never do tell them, because I know nothing what I tell them mean anything to them so I find it it's better to just save my breath and not say anything. That's exactly what I did, except, I was so mad that I got up and just peaced it. My dad got super pissed at me because it was very rude and disrespectful. I'm actually going to agree with that. The anger just kind of took over me and controlled me. I'll admit, that was my bad. So I went to my room, and just kind of chilled out for a bit, checking Facebook, email, and etc. then my dad wanted me to come talk to him again. And what do I do? I just didn't give a fuck anymore. I already lost everything, so what do I got to lose? So I went back downstairs, and well, he tossed me a can of Guinness, and said 'have a beer.' My dad is a really interesting man. He'd get mad at one point, then he'd be totally fine like a minute after. His mood changes like nothing. Anyways, so I just like downed that Guinness, and watched the Flames game. That actually made me feel a lot better. Beer and hockey, except that Flames' loss kind of made me mad haha. And now I'm just in my bed, trying to calm myself, and writing up this post haha.

   So what's my plan? Is it going to change at all? Fuck no. I'm going to do whatever I want. I finally found something I want to do, and I'm really serious about it, and I'm not going to give up on it just like that. No one is going to stop me. I'm going to be what I want to be. I'm going to do what I want to do. I've given a lot of thoughts to all this and I'm not just going to waste it. If I end up having to move out, so be it. Honestly, I wouldn't give a fuck. Deep down, I know I want to get out of this 1930's theme. Oh and another thing, I actually just looked up how to become a Canadian citizen, and it's going to be really easy and most of all, cheap so I'm going to do it. Apparently you have to live in Canada for around 1000 days and I'm sitting at about 900, or more, then I just got to summit an application form, which is about $200, and write the test and I'll be good to go. If everything goes well, I'll be officially a Canadian. It will be the best $200 I'll ever spend on.

   My plans for next month and a half? I'm going to enjoy this freedom. Lots of drinking, getting high, and fuck some chicks. Actually I don't know if I'm actually going to do all these but I'm definitely going to enjoy this while I can. I'll still have to find a job if I'm actually going to move out. I have to rent a suite, buy a new car, pay for school, and etc. I guess I could always get student loan. I will eventually have to pay back like $20000 but for now, I'm not too worried about that. As long as I don't have to deal with this anymore, I'm good. No problem is going to be worse than this. 

   Tomorrow, my freedom begins.

   So I was just checking out my bank account today, as usual haha, and I noticed something funny. I already owed $75.59 for my credit card (it was from eBay), and on top of that, there was another $100. Now, that didn't make any sense to me, because other than the bill I have from eBay, the only thing I bought since with my credit card was gas, which was $40 as usual. So apparently, sometime between yesterday around 5:30PM and noon today, I spent another $60.00. I honestly do not remember spending $60 other than on the Oilers jersey I bought yesterday, but I paid it with cash, and I only took out $40 from my chequing account so I know it's not from this. I have only been using my credit card for couple things. Phone bill, gas, and eBay. I know it's not my phone bill, because, first, it's not due till the 10th of April, and secondly, it's always been $57.75, not $60. So the odds are I've been scammed or I paid for gas more than I was supposed to. Either way, I'm going to get my $60 back. I'm not going to pay for something I never bought. You might say, 'it's only $60 get over it,' then you can go fuck yourself. I'm a student. I don't make $10000 a month. I don't even make $1000 a month and I have to save up for school. So after I drop off my parents tomorrow at the airport, the first thing I'm going to do is go to the bank and see what happened. I'd wait till I get the transaction history on online banking, but fuck that. I want to get my money back and get over it. Money has already been stressing me out lately and this just made things worse.

   I went to one of my friends' house today after school. Apparently we were going to like shovel the snow so we could get his Mustang out, then turned out it was pretty much impossible so we ended up just chilling there. I saw his brothers' cars today and they were the most beautiful things I've ever seen. They were two cars. One of them was Nissan Silvia S14 an the other one was Nissan 180SX. I love Nissan. A lot of people who's not really into cars don't know anything about Nissan, like what kind of reputation they have, and what they are capable of. Now days, they are more focused on fuel efficiency and 'family vehicle,' but honestly, which company doesn't, right? But back in the days, from late 80's to early 2000's, they made some amazing cars like Skyline, Silvia, 180SX, 300ZX, and etc. Silvia was, and still is considered the best drift car ever built. Skyline wasn't the best drift car, but it was known as one of the best street race car. So ya, these cars are pretty much legend. Also, the engines they made back in the days were literally THE best. At least in my opinion. The 3 legendary engines they made were SR20DET, RB26DETT, and VG30DETT. I'd do anything to own any of these cars or engines. Literally ANYTHING. Anyways, my friend's brother's Silvia was a one good looking car. You don't really see S14s or 180SXs on the road these days, especially since it's winter, so it was nice to see rare cars like these today, but I was pretty jealous when I saw them because I loves those cars, and obviously I want one of those. I really wish I was loaded, not only to pay off my tuition but to drive these beauties. Maybe one day, I will.

  

I actually wrote this yesterday but my internet decided not to work so I'll post this now.

   Well, I was sitting in CAB all day at school without really doing anything. I just went to school today to just hang out with my friends, and maybe get some studying and homework done, which never really happened haha. I've been hanging out with these guys at school for just over a week now actually and I really do enjoy hanging out with them. I guess the fact that they went to same high school as I did makes it even better and most of all, easier to hang out with them. Well, like I said, I do enjoy hanging out with them, but this week, I could not stand them. All they talked about today and yesterday was sex. I literally hate talking about sex, mostly because I have nothing to talk about since I have no experience. So most of the time I just sit there like a loser and do/say nothing but listen to what they have to say. Kind of creepy, right? I just hate myself sometimes for being a virgin at the age of 19 when all my friends lost their V-card when they were like 14 or whatever. What is wrong with me? Why haven't I had sex yet? I hear a bunch of fat and ugly people getting laid, but I can't?? This whole sex thing is really making me mad. It's completely taken over my life, because I think about it all the time, and I worry about it all the time. So either I have to get over it and say it's not a big deal, or actually have sex with someone, it don't matter who. I am tired of being a virgin and a single. Two of the worst combination you could ever have. I have to end this. Soon.

   I was supposed to timekeep tonight at CDA, but I switch it with someone else who was supposed to work at the Eq. Room. I was pretty glad that we switched, because well, I didn't have anything else to do. Got nothing to study, or any homework. God I love having only 2 classes lol. Anyways, I decided to watch the last game, which was a division 1 playoff game. You could really tell the difference between the regular game and a playoff game. In a playoff game, you bust your ass off, and fight as hard as you can. This game was a perfect example. The game got too intense. Players were getting mad at the refs, the timekeeper, and each other. There was a lot of anger going around and honestly, I really enjoyed it. It was very entertaining. I probably wouldn't have if I was timekeeping. Thank god. Oh and I probably said this before, but I wanted to get a referee license in fall, but after watching this game, I'm actually giving a second thought. The refs got beaked a lot in this game, and I hate getting beaked. I just can't take it. So ya I don't know. I guess I could still get the license and not ref??? Uh huh.

   I was on Kijiji today looking for a job, then I ended up looking at jerseys again haha. I found a Magnus Paajarvi jersey for only $60! So I had to buy it. I emailed the guy and asked him if he still have it, and like half an hour later, boom, just like that, he calls me. I was like YESS!!!!! I went to his house and purchased that beautiful jersey. It was really clean. I mean the guy said it was never worn and the tag was still on so it should be clean right? lol. Everything was perfect. The name and the numbers were actually stitched, not screen printed and heat pressed on, which look pretty professional. Turned out, this jersey I bought was an authentic jersey. AN AUTHENTIC JERSEY!!!!! Do you know how much they cost!?!?! They are like around $200, with no names and numbers on them. And I got this one for $60!!!! I love Kijiji and eBay. They are definitely money savers. Not really, but still, you get stuff for way cheaper than the actual price. Speaking of eBay, my Gionta jersey is on its way now. It's at Montreal right now. Still a long way to go, but it's getting there. Please come to me faster so I could add it to my collection!!!! One day, I will have every single NHL jerseys. Every single one of them, meaning home, away, and alternate jerseys, plus the 'vintage' ones like Nordiques, Jets, North Stars, and Whalers. And maybe ones like Atlanta Flames, Seals, Scouts, and etc. It'd a quite a collection. Next one: either Detroit's Datsyuk jersey, or Rangers' 85th anniversary alternate jersey, which I LOVE, or Blackhawks jersey, preferably the alternate jersey.

   I really got to stop spending my money on some random stuff. I have to save up ~$6000 for next year's tuition, but I only have about $3300 saved up so far. I don't think I have put my money into my savings account for a really long time. I honestly cannot remember. Now days, it's really hard for me not to spend money even when I don't want to since I have a phone that costs me $57 every months, and I have a car, so I have to fill her up every 2 weeks so that's around $100 so that's about $160 a month. Then on top of that, I've been spending a lot of time on eBay, so I've been spending good $70~$80 on it so now it's up to ~$200 a month now. It's not so bad this month because I've actually been working a lot so I got paid quite a lot on my last paycheque. So currently, I'm sitting at exactly $400 right now on my chequing account. I thought about transferring about $200 onto my savings account, then I realized I got a phone bill coming up and have to fill up my car so that's about $100 and on top of that, I spent $75 on eBay, again, and I have to register for first aid class which is $110. See, if I still had my old phone, which was a prepaid phone, and if I didn't have a car like back in the days, I probably would've saved up at least $2000 by now, maybe more. But since they are the most important things I have in my life, I guess it's worth spending that much money.

   I am addicted to eBay now. I've been going on it and looking at NHL jerseys for hours and days and weeks now. I already bought a Buffalo Sabres jersey and a t-shirt so far, and another one on the way here (I bought it last night). I love how a lot of things on eBay are actually really good (they aren't perfect but they are still decent), and most of all, they are a lot cheaper than at the retail stores, which is good. Now that I think about it, since I'm running out of shifts at the U of A and haven't found a new job yet for the summer, I'm kind of scared that I will blow my money away on eBay all the time. I actually almost bought another one today for $80 but I didn't, so that's a good sign. I know my next paycheque is going to be a thick one like the last one, but I know half of it is going be spent on phone and gas and hopefully I can save some of it. It doesn't have to be a lot, even if it's like $200, or even $100, then that means I'm that much closer to $6000, right? Saving some is better than none so ya haha. Oh ya, I forgot. My parents are going away this week for a month and a half. Unless they leave us with some allowance, I'm going to have to spend my own earnings to get groceries and stuff. FAACCCK. I'm terrible with money. I don't think I know how to use it right. Oh well, as long as I get a new/different job soon, I hope it gets better. I really do hope it gets better. I really really need that money for next year. If I don't get that money for next year, who knows what will happen.

Home

   I'm finally home after 3 long days at Banff with my family. I thought it was going to be a pretty solid trip but turned out, it wasn't at all. First of all, we barely did anything. We arrived late on friday night so we just ended up eating supper and went to bed which is understandable. On saturday, we left our room at around 9 ish and went to Lake Louise. We always go there whenever we are in Banff or Jasper. Anyways, we went there and skated for about an hour, then my sister got mad at me for no frigging reasons so we had to leave. Then we went back to Banff and walked around downtown and had lunch and that took about an hour. Then guess what? We went back to our room. I brought my laptop to Banff, not because I wanted to, but because they picked me up from school and we went straight to Banff and I just happened to have my laptop with me. Everyone was fighting over my laptop, especially my dad. He watches TV shows on internet these days. It's funny, because my sister used to watch shows on internet a lot, and he'd always get mad at her for that and now he's the one who's doing it. So ya, I was watching the Buffalo Sabres game and all the sudden he just takes it away from me. WTF. I don't know if he noticed, but my laptop is like my phone. It's my personal property with personal shits on it. He should know better. So I had my laptop practically taken away from me for the whole night. Even after the supper till the bed time. That was pretty much what we did that day. It kind of sucked. I expected some hiking and more of sightseeing but it didn't happen. Today was a little better though. Since we had to come back home we didn't really get to actually sit at our room and do nothing haha. Instead of going back to Calgary and take highway 2 home, we went around Jasper and took Yellowhead Trail home which was kind of nice. The view was outstanding. I actually slept half of the ride but still, from what I saw, it was unbelievable. This time, we actually stopped at the icefield in Jasper and walked around for a bit which was kind of nice. So ya, the trip was kind of pointless, but my mom told me that we just wanted to get out of town and that's why we went to Rocky Mountains in the first place. So overall, it was not bad at all. I'd rate it around 6 out of 10.

   I never really liked hiking but when I actually get it going, I get really into it. We haven't really gone hiking that much lately. We used to go a lot back in the days, but I guess all of us are getting old haha. Since I kind of miss hiking and didn't get to hike that much, or at all on this trip, maybe I'll go to Banff again this summer, and this time with my friend(s). Hell, I'll go after the school is over. Probably in May. I'll find someone to go with since my parents won't be around. I always wanted to go on a road trip with friends and I think this is a great chance to do it.

   One thing I really noticed during this trip was that my parents do not make any sense to me. Everything they do is 'iffy.' They are not sure about what they are doing or what they want to do. Also, all the choices they make just makes me mad! Like emotionally and physically mad! It does not make any sense and it just feels wrong. My mom once told me that if I don't agree with their decisions and choices, that means I'm ready to move out. I guess I am. I mean, everything my parents, especially my mom, does seem all wrong and everything I do and think seems like the right thing to do. And it's not like I actually tell them what I think about them, because I know they are going to lecture me why they act like that and all that crap and I just can't deal with it anymore. I've 'lectured' a lot so I don't need another one now. I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I'm really excited about my parents going away for almost 2 months. Yes, it's going to be a long and tough 2 months, but at least I'm free from my parents and that's pretty much what I want, and need right now. School is done in a month so I'm going to enjoy this while I can.

   well, I have been here at school for about 2 hours and 31minutes and I am absolutely bored out of my mind. I actually had 2 classes today, but I decided to not to go to the first one, because our prof wasn't here so there was a different prof and he was here on wednesday, and turned out, he can't teach at all. I had no frigging clue what he was talking about. He can't even speak clearly so I thought it'd be just better not to go because it probably wouldn't make any difference. So I've been sitting here at the same spot ever since I got here and I have been talking to my friends the whole time. I actually should be in chem class right now but then again, it's really hard to go when you are learning the same stuff you've already learned before. Maybe I'll go to all my classes from next week and on because I need to go to classes if I want to do well on the finals not that it really matters though.

   I've been feeling really weird lately, especially since last night. Sometimes, I get really mad, frustrated, and disappointed at myself when I'm pretty stressed out. It's funny because I have nothing to stress out about, and yet, I am really stressed out. Maybe it's from lack of sleeping or from something else. I don't know. I'm having that same feeling right now. I have this anger I want to unleash. I don't know what it is, or why, but I got to find a way to deal with this because I really hate myself when this happens and I feel like it's affecting my friends too.

   Well, I have a chem lab in about 24 minutes. I heard it doesn't take that long so I'm quite excited about that because I don't enjoy going to chem labs at all and every time I go, I only think about one thing; I want to get this over with, and peace it as soon as possible. If it really doesn't take long to finish this lab, then great. I want to get out of here ASAP, especially today. Some days, I just don't feel like doing anything. Just stay home and sleep all day. Today is definitely one of those days.

   Today was just a long day full of nothingness. I thought work was going to make things interesting but turned out, it did not. I always work with this same girl every Thursday, her name is Jessica, and I actually really like working with her. The conversation we have is always fun, we have a pretty good chemistry together, so we get things done pretty well, and etc. so most of the time, the shift would go by really fast, which is a good thing. But tonight, it didn't really happen. The shift felt like 3567543258765 hours. I don't know, it just didn't feel the same today. I guess I wasn't the only one who had a long tiring day, because she looked more tired than myself. We still did have some decent conversation so it wasn't actually all that bad. But still, that was a one long shift.

   I actually really like Jessica. The first couple times I met her, she really surprised me, and she still does. So she's a hardcore hockey fan like myself, and I was really surprised how she LOVES hockey, and know so much about it. It's hard to find girls like that these days. I think. Also, she bowls. That's kind of unusual, because you don't actually see a lot of people who bowls, and she is the first person I know that bowls so I think it's pretty cool. I mean, I always liked something different and this is something different haha. I don't know why, but I always found girls who are passionate about sports, and/or plays sports really attractive rather than girls that look like pornstars. So ya, Jessica is definitely that girl so I definitely do find her attractive and plus I think she's a really nice person. So now I really wish I was more than just a 'work friend' to her. A 'regular friend' would be pretty nice. Or more than 'just friends' would be even better. I would love to date her and I know I want to, because she's definitely the type of girl I have always wanted to have as my girlfriend. Maybe I'll make it happen one day. One day.

   So my family is going on a trip to Banff tomorrow afternoon. It will be the first time since my dad left. I can already feel that it will be a good one, because since my dad hasn't been around for months, I think this will be a real good chance to create that father-son bond again. We always do whenever we go on a trip. It will be a pretty tiring trip, because it's going to be a long ass car ride and we will only be there for 1-2 days so I'm feeling the schedule is going to be pretty tight. And the day after we come back, I got to go to school so we will see how well that one goes haha. Anyways, I honestly don't care if I get super tired, I know it's going to be fun. It always have been and it will be again. I'm really excited.

   I really don't have anything to talk about today. I went to school today, and did absolutely nothing. I didn't have any classes at all, and it's not like I had something to study for since all the midterms are done. So all I did was chem prelab and that did not take long at all. I actually hung out with my friends from high school again today. That's actually why I went to school today haha. So ya it was pretty fun but nothing interesting really happened. Well, I'll be going to work soon so hopefully something happens so I got something to talk about.

   So I'm working right now and the first game was a Over-35 League Finals so it was supposed to go on for 2 hours but the game ended half an hour early I decided to go to Timmys with one of my coworker. She's actually new here this semester and I had to train her on her first shift. Anyways, unlike last semester, everybody pretty much works on the same day for this semester. I work thursdays and sundays but now I work on wednesdays too. There's this other guy that works with us on wednesdays, and he was hired about half way through the semester. I thought he was new, but turned out, he's a 'veteran.' He has been working at this rink for about 3 years now, on and off. Anyways, it's the same guy I told you about on St. Patty's day. It turned out, I'm not the only one who feels the same way about this guy. She does too. I mean, I absolutely hated him when I worked with him that one day, but she's working with him every wednesdays, so I can't imagine how terrible it is. So ya, on the way to Tims and back, we'd just beak him the whole time, and complain about what he does. I don't blame her, or myself for this, because, when you are not happy about something, you got to let it out some day, somehow. The best way to do this is to just talk to the person with the same problem, and BAM, we had the same problem. 

   So about this guy, I pretty much said everything about him so I guess there's no need to repeat on this one. If you want to know, just read my previous posts, and I think I wrote it on St. Patty's day. Now, I've never really hated anyone, and even if I did, I'm not the type of a guy who expresses my feeling towards that person directly. Most of the time, I just keep it to myself, and move on. When the time comes, I just talk to someone else about it, or just forget about it. But there's always a limit to everything. Sometimes you just forgive and forget. Move on. But in this case, I guess my anger and frustration towards this guy exceeded its limit and when this happens you've got to let it out. And I did. It was probably wrong thing to do, talking about them behind their back, but sometimes it's necessary. And it's still wrong. So ya, like I said, I never really hated someone, and I probably never will. Sure, some people will definitely get on my nerve, and fucking pisses me off and push my limit, but really, what the hell am I going to do? It's who they are, and I can't change that. So the best way to deal with it is just try not to listen to them, and not think about it too much. If you really have to let it out, talk to someone about it. It will definitely make you feel better. There you go, that's my tip of the day.

Inspiration

   Everyone has, or at least should have, someone they look up to, like a role model, or was inspired by a particular person. I never really looked up to anyone nor had a role model or anything like that, but recently, I have found a couple people that really inspired me.

   First person is Theo Fleury, former Calgary Flame. Honestly, I didn't really know anything about him whether it was about his NHL career or his personal life. When he's autobiography book, called Playing With Fire, came out in 2009, I think, I HAD to buy it so I finally bought a copy of it just last summer. I read it through the semester, and I even used this book as my English project which turned out really good. I got an A on it. I was really happy. Anyways, for those of you who doesn't know who Fleury is, I will tell you a little bit about him right now. He was drafted by Calgary Flames in 1988 I believe, and I think he was drafted in 6th round, 175th overall or something I'm not really sure, and he was abouut 5'7", 175 lb. So he wasn't the biggest player like everyone else. Then he played for the Flames for a quite a long time, I can't remember how long, and he won a Stanley Cup with the Flames in 1989. Oh and he also scored that famous goal against the Oilers in 1990 haha. Then later on he played for the Avalanche, Rangers and Blackhawks. So I think for a 6th round pick, he had an amazing career. And plus, he was going through alcoholism, drug addiction, divorce, and etc. So he was pretty much a fuck up. So long story short, Fleury is sober now and has been for few years. What Fleury taught me was that no matter how bad the situation is, do not give up and believe in yourself and everything will turn out to be good. You never know until you actually go for it. Go after what you want. And that's exactly the advice I need right now.

   The second person I look up to is, it might be a little surprising, but it's Dwayne Carter, or known as Lil' Wayne. I just happened to be watching bunch of his interviews, and it really touched me. It seems like a lot of hip hop legends had a real bad childhood. Lil' Wayne was one of them. So I actually found out a lot of facts that I didn't know about Mr. Carter. First one was that he started writing songs when he was 8!! I don't even know what I did back when I was 8. And he produced his first album when he was 12!! I guess he was as amazing as he is now back then. Another fact that amazed me was that he was actually a straight A student. It's really hard to believe that because his songs sound nothing like 'As' if you know what I mean, and he gets high all the time. So I guess what I learned from this is that don't ever judge a book by its cover, because it could definitely nothing like what you think. Plus, the fact that how rich he is now, compare to what he's been through when he was young, it's just so inspiring. Everyone can succeed if they try hard and go after what they want. I will always think of this whenever I listen to Lil' Wayne.

High School Reunion

   Normally, I'd stay home on tuesdays and thursdays, but since my dad is back from Europe and he doesn't know anything about what's going on with me and school, I really had no choice but actually go to school today. I could have told him about it, but you know what he's reaction is going to be, so I'm not going to bother talking about school with him until he brings it up, then I actually have no choice but talk about it. So I got to school at about 11, as usual, and I decided to study for MATH 120. I thought, and I've heard, it was a really easy course, but now, I don't really think it is. There's a lot of theorems and definitions I have to memorize, which I'm terrible at, and the actual math is a lot different than adding and subtracting and multiplying and dividing. On top of that, having a prof that doesn't teach well just makes it worse. I usually study pretty good at school even though it's kind of loud and noisy where I always go, but today, I just couldn't focus at all. I guess since I don't have any tests/exams coming up for another month. I wasn't really motivated to study. About an hour later, my friends from high school came and visited me. I have not seen or hung out with them for a really long time. I never see anyone from my high school around campus. I guess going to high school in a different town does make differences, and plus, almost everyone from my high school is way too dumb to make it to any kind of post secondary schools, so there aren't many people going to U of A from my high school. Anyways, I wasn't really good friends with any of them, but now that we are going to same school, we just automatically became friends. I was really glad. It's nice to have someone I know around me and recognize me. We just walked around for a bit and we actually went to one of them's car and just sat in there and just talked for hours. This friend really understands me. We were just talking about what's been going on with our lives and it seemed like we've been through very similar things with similar problems. So ya, it turned out to be a real good conversation. I haven't had that kind of conversation in a long time, since I don't really have a social life anymore (it's nothing to do with school, my friends just decided not to hang out with me anymore and I honestly don't really care). So I ended up staying on campus till 5:30PM doing nothing but socializing. It would've been nice if I actually had done some work, but reuniting with friends from high school doesn't happen very often (at least for me) so it was really nice to see them, and hang out with them again.

   For the past few blog posts, I've been talking about wanting to ask this girl out. I am still going to do it, and I will try not to pussy out this time. I really like this girl and I think she kind of likes me too, but I can never tell how the girls feel about me. I was never good at reading their body language or distinguish if they like me or not, but like I said, I think she at least like me as a friend, and I have a feeling that it's going to turn out pretty good. Well, I hope. If she says no, then fuck it. Shit happens haha. Anyways, I'm pretty excited to ask her out, and I guess we will see how it's going to turn out in a few days.

   peace out

Hockey Is Over :(

   Today, we played the last game of the semester/year. Well, it could have been the second last game but we needed a win tonight to go to a bonus game, but unfortunately winning did not happen. Overall, it actually was a pretty fun game. I used to play forward (winger to be specific) every single game, but I really wanted to play defense today, and I did. Since I'm not the fastest skater, I thought it was a perfect position for me. Tonight was the first time I've ever played defense in hockey so I was kind of lost for first couple shifts but I managed to pick it up and did quite well. Everyday I work, I've been watching how each and everyone plays their position and I think that really helped me. I blocked few shots, had a couple one-timers, and quite a lot of good defensive plays haha. The final score was 4-3. It was 3-3 until like the last minute of the game. We were scored on first 2 goal because of me. I could not skate fast enough so couldn't catch up to the opponent, and I wasn't playing at the right spot so opponent was wide open. Then, actually, at the last minute, we decided to pull the goalie because, first, we needed a win, not a tie, and secondly, we were on power play so it was 6 on 4. When the other team scored on our empty net, they were actually offside, but the ref didn't call it so it's kind of their fault for losing but oh well. It's a rec hockey. It's not worth fighting about it with the refs and plus they are my friends so I didn't really care, but my teammates did. At the end of the game, since the season is over, we had a little award session with the team. Everybody has gotten one. I got one too. I was actually really happy with my award but I was also surprised. I was awarded for the most improved player haha. 

   I actually had a lot of fun playing hockey this year. It was only 10 game season, but it was definitely worth it. The level I played in was a little high for me, but hey, playing with the better players help you become a better player. I do feel like I've become a better hockey player than I was before, but it's not THAT different. I probably don't notice it now, but maybe when I move down a level next year, I probably will definitely feel something different. Ever since I got new skates, it changed a lot of things, because, well, it's new skates, and new skates tend to hurt your feet for a long time. In my case, it's killing my heels. I actually looked at it today, and it was swollen pretty bad. I should stop skating for a bit and let the swelling go down for a bit. I don't know why my skates do that. My old ones did the same to my heels couple years back, and this new pair is doing it again. I asked everyone else, and they never had this problem. Oh well, good thing the season is over and I can take a break from skating for now until my heels get better.

  I don't know if I mention this on any of the previous blog posts (I have a really bad memory lol) but we wrote a chem 102 midterm last friday, and it was a pretty shocking. About 20 minutes or so into the test, I hear TAs talking and I thought someone was cheating and was caught and the TA was about to kick him/her out. Turn out it wasn't anything like that. This one kid had a hardcore seizure during the test. I've seen someone having a seizure before but it was a mild one and lasted only like few seconds, but this one really shocked me. It was just so scary and shocking. It probably lasted about good 3 minutes but to me, it felt like it lasted like an hour. Since then, now I really want to take a first aid/CPR class. I HAVE TO!! I just hate seeing anybody getting hurt, both physically and emotionally, because it will definitely affect me as well and I don't like that. Well anyways, due to this unfortunate incident, we were offered an option to cancel our tests and transfer that weight to the final. And I took that offer. I know I did terrible not only because the test was fairly difficult, but I could not focus after. I'm still scared that I could maybe that guy one day and I really don't want that to happen to me. EVER.  Nevertheless, I hope he is doing well right now, and I thank him for giving me the option to cancel my midterm. I really needed that. 

   Well, I absolutely have nothing to talk about today. It was a pretty long day, but honestly, nothing interesting has happened today. I thought my dad was going to start asking me questions but surprisingly he did not. I know he's going to do it, he's just waiting for the right timing. Like I said before, I'm ready for it.

   My last hockey game is tomorrow. It's gone by pretty fast and yet, I still have not scored a goal. I'm hoping tomorrow is the day, because all of our games were late night games but tomorrow's game will be the very first game of the night which is at 7:15PM. So ya, I guess we will find out tomorrow if the game time really makes difference to my performance and endurance. 

   It's 1:19AM right now and I'm going to bed. I could really use a good night sleep right about now.

I'm Coming Home

   Today was finally a weekend after a long week (actually every week seems long). Today was kind of a special day though. My dad actually came home from Netherlands after about 4-5 months of absence. Even though he's going to be staying here for a week and a half, I was glad to see him again. I know he's probably going to lecture me sometime soon about what I have and/or have not done while he was gone, but he's my dad. What else is he going to do, right? I guess I'll take whatever punishment he's going to give me, because deep down, I kind of deserve it. So ya, next week and a half should be very interesting. Whatever happens, I hope I keep my cool and not snap.

   I've waited all day to talk to Anastasia today but she was never on Skype. Maybe she's mad at me for falling asleep last night instead of calling her. But she did say she's going over to her boyfriend's house for supper and he lives like 2 hours away from her house so maybe that's what happened. She had a lot of problems with her boyfriend, so I kind of hope she's solved those problems tonight, because it was pretty much her only chance to make things right. On the other hand, deep down, I really want her to break up with him so I can talk to her more. I don't know, I didn't think I'd actually fall for her since we were talking over internet, not face to face, side by side. I really missed her today. I really missed her smile which always made me happy, and her annoying questions. I thought she was pretty obsessed with me because even when I'm not talking to her, she never wanted to leave and not talk to me. Instead, she'd start the conversation again. At one point, I was pretty annoyed that she would not leave me alone, but now I realize those were the good times, and it made me really happy. Until I get a real girlfriend (real by meaning the one I can actually hang out and such), I do not want to lose her. 

   I might've said this before, but a lot of my friends talk to me about their relationship. Like break-ups, problems, and etc. And they think my advice really helps. I don't know if they meant it or not, but I think that's a good thing, right? It's funny because I've actually never been in a serious relationship, and my last one failed horribly, which only lasted 1 week. Anyways, so ya, I'm kind of glad that my advice and comments help them, and I actually learn more and more about a relationship from their stories so I guess we are even haha.

   I just realized, I've been single for too long. That means I've been a loser and a loner for the past how many years. I think it's time to change my relationship status on Facebook. It's time to change something in my life. There's always been at least one girl that I always want to ask out, but I've actually never did ask anyone out because I'd always pussy out. I just really hate getting rejected. It's embarrassing, and I don't know if I can handle that 'pain.' And plus, sometimes you lose that person as a friend too if you ask them out. Things get pretty awkward. So I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I think asking a girl out is like gambling. If it goes well, then congrats, you win, but if not you lose everything, like the girl you like, and your confident, and the happiness. A lot of people say, 'it's better to know what it's going to be instead of wondering what it could've been like.' or something like that, I'm sure you've all heard of this before. And that is definitely true, you will never know what's going to happen unless you actually go after it. That's what I'm going to do now. There's a girl I've been wanting to ask out, and I'm going to man up and do it. No bullshits, and no excuses. It will happen. I've been a free agent for too long, I think it's time to sign a deal real soon.

TGIF

   This week seemed like it was going pretty fast, but today seemed like it lasted like 4 days. I went to school at about 11AM, but since I didn't get any studying done yesterday/last night, I thought I'd skip today's MATH 120 class and study. That gave me 2 hours until the test. I realized I also hadn't done my chem prelab for today so I had to do that too. I just can't believe how lazy I get. I mean, I'm a part-time student for the rest of the semester, and you would think you have a lot more time to do homework and study, but I don't know, I still can't do that. But I guarantee, that's going to change next year. I have never been this sure in my life. Anyways, let's talk about the midterm. There were only 3 questions, 1 partial pressure, and 2 acid/base equilibrium, so not too bad. That's another thing about me with exams. I definitely knew how to solve these problems with no problem whatsoever, but whenever I get the similar questions on the test, my brain gets totally blanked out. I wouldn't remember a single thing about them. Well, today was worse. I guess I didn't study enough and it was going pretty bad. Typical. But then, a kid from my class had a seizure all the sudden. It was really scary. I wasn't even sitting close to the guy, but still, it's never fun to watch someone having a seizure. That was my second time seeing someone having a seizure. First time was actually in summer of grade 10. I went to summer school to take CALM and a guy sitting behind me started to snore and looked back, and he was having a seizure. It only lasted about a minute so it wasn't as bad as today's incident. So ya, that really got me scared and I couldn't focus on my test anymore when I already was having a hard time focusing. I hope that kid is okay. I hate to see anyone get hurt.

   I picked a lab on friday afternoon for a lot of reasons. Actually there's only 2 reasons. One is, if I have it in the morning, that means I have to wake up at 7 in the morning which I never do, so the odds are I'll be missing it most of the time and you wouldn't want that. And secondly, if you have a lab on friday, or I guess thursday too, you get an extra day to work on your postlab. I had a chem lab on wednesdays last semester, and you only had 2 days to work on your prelab, but I had to work on one of those 2 days so I only had 1 day. Now, I get a whole weekend to do it. I know I complain about doing the lab on friday afternoon, but it actually goes by pretty fast (usually I'm done in about an hour and a half), and plus, I at least have someone to talk to in the lab this semester unlike last semester.

   You know you are tired when you get on the bus after you are done your classes and just fall asleep. My bus ride usually takes about half an hour so that's actually a decent time interval to have a nap haha. I always fall asleep on the bus every friday, and then I get home around 5, and catch the NHL games for about an hour, and then eat supper, and I'd fall asleep again. I was supposed to call Anastasia on Skype tonight, and I did, but turned out she was taking a shower so she decided to call me back after. I waited for about an hour I believer and apparently I just fell asleep with my laptop on my lap haha. Our call ended at 7:34PM, that's when she said she was going to the shower, I remember looking at the clock before I was knocked out by drowsiness, and I think it was around 8:20PM ish and guess when she called me??? 8:37PM. I couln't hold for another 17 minutes haha. I guess I am really tired. 2 nights of late night shifts usually does it. Anyways I actually woke up about 45 minutes ago, which was 11PM and I felt and still feel bad about not talking to her tonight. I hope she doesn't take it the wrong way and not get mad at me because I hate it when someone gets mad at me.

   I've been listening to this one song over and over again today. I always listen to Right Above It by Lil' Wayne, but a song called Something You Forgot by Lil' Wayne sounded really good today and I don't know why. This song was actually sampled by a song called What About Love? by Heart and Lil' Wayne has done a real good job of sampling it. It's an amazing song. Apparently, everyone thinks this song is a real good break-up song. So I'll put the lyrics on here.

I've been lonely, I've been waiting for you

I'm pretending, and that's all I can do (that's all I can do mama)

The love I'm sending ain't making it through to your heart (I hope you hear me)

Pain, since I've lost you, I'm lost too

Nigga feelin' like he at the bottom like a horse shoe

Sorry for the trouble that I put you and your heart through

God knows that I'd do anything for a part two, or to

be prayin' for the day you come back to me, sayin' that you forgive me

Give me another chance, I'm needin' it like a kidney

I don't wanna advance, give me back her hands

Give me back her touch, I don't ask for much

but I fucked up, I know I fucked up, I admit I fucked up

but everybody fuck up, now this other nigga lucked up

Tellin' me and my clique don't give a fuck

Cause um, we from New Orleans, she was from Georgia

She was my down chick, I was her soldier

I was her gangsta, she was my shoulder

You were the pistol to my holster .. BANG!

You've been hiding, never letting it show

Always trying, to keep it under control (I see you hidin' it mama)

You got it down, and your well on your way to the top (keep doin' your thing)

but there is something you forgot

You forgot about the house, you forgot about the ring

I remember everything, I just wanna hear you sing

I remember the love, right after the fights

You can't tell me you don't remember those nights

and if I would cry, then you would cry twice

To me you are the brightest star under sunlight

See take away my title, take away my stripes

You give me back my girl and you give me back my life

Give me back my girl and you give me back my life

See this is just a nightmare, so I blink twice

Open up my eyes hopin' she'd be in my sight

I remember the time, I wish I could bring it back

What she mean to me, is what I mean to rap (what I mean to rap)

You've been hiding, (y'know) never letting it show

Always trying (I see you hidin' it mama)

to keep it under control (but I know you know)

You got it down (I know you do)

and your well on your way to the top

(but I wish you and yours nothin' but happiness shawty)

But I hope you haven't forgot about me up in the livin' room watchin' Sports Center

You were cookin' dinner, I was such a sinner, but the Lord is a forgiver

You know they say if you pray then you can get your blessings ordered and delivered

and your boyfriend is not like me

Ma you even went and got a teardrop like me

I remember we would sit at home all day

You called me "Butta", I called you "Babe"

My momma asked about you, my partners did too

I know your daughter will be so amazin' like you

and I know you probably wish you never met me, and I just wish you never forget me

and let me say, please don't worry 'bout the women I have been with

No engagement can amount to your friendship

and I hope that nigga know he got a queen, and all I can do is dream .. DAMN!

I've been lonely, I've been waiting for you

I'm pretending, and that's all I can do

The love I'm sending ain't making it through to your heart

2 Long Days at School

   Yesterday (I guess it's the day before now since it's 12:17 AM), I stayed at school after my last class because I have a midterm coming up on friday, which is tomorrow. And plus, I kind of wanted to talk to Anastasia (the internet girl haha) and I didn't want my mom to listen to our conversation so I thought it'd be much better to talk to her at school. Today, St. Patty's day, my original plan was to go to school a little early, I'm talking like 9-10AM, and study for about an hour, go to Stick and Skates, then study some more, find some friends and have couple beers, then go to work, then come home. I thought it was a perfect plan except my day was nothing like it. 

  So, I got a text from one of my best friends, Jen, at about 9 in the morning and asked me if I wanted to have a couple beers with her. Sweet. I mean I was looking for someone to drink with today, and she's my friend so it worked out nicely, and plus I haven't seen her since Reading Week so I decided to drink with her. After I replied her text, I thought about getting out of my bed and prepare to go to school, but I ended up sleeping in till about noon. Great. I just wasted my time by sleeping when I could actually study a little and skate around for an hour. I got to the school at about 1:30PM, and I had half an hour to meet up with Jen. So I called Anastasia on Skype and talked to her for a bit. It didn't go so well, because I was on my phone so we couldn't really do face-to-face talk and her little sister and her friends were there with her so it was kind of awkward. So ya. After the call, I went to the bar (there's a bar at school. There are 2 actually) and met up with Jen, along with her other friends, and I actually had a lot of fun. I only had 2 beers, Grasshopper and Guinness. I was pretty drunk after. I am kind of a lightweight, but in my defense, I only had a bowl of cereal this morning and had nothing else haha. So there. Anyways me, and Jen left the bar at about 4 ish and just kind of walked around for a bit and ended up at the swimming pool. We just kind of sat down and talked for about an hour. And guess what we talked about?? Yup, another love/relationship/break-up problems. It seems like I had to deal with this quite a lot lately. I know Anastasia had the same problem, so I had to help her with it and now I had to deal with another one today. Honestly, I kind of like talking about this kind of stuff, because, well I honestly don't know why. It's interesting for sure, but I think that since I haven't really been in a nice long relationship before, I kind of think of all this as a 'heads up,' you know, like things to do and/or not to do kind of thing. Anyways, I knew that Jen had problems, because we've actually talked about it long time ago, and I knew she still wasn't okay with her break-up (yup, that's what her problem is right now) because it's been a really long time since they broke up and the odds are, if she wasn't over it back then when we talked about it, she still ain't over it. I may not know anything about relationships, but I know how people behave and such. I know that it's hard to let go of someone or erase them from your memory when you actually spent a long time with that person. I know sometimes I think about my ex-girlfriend (we only lasted like a week but who gives a fuck), but what's done is done. I'm pretty much over her. I've moved on. Jen's relationship lasted way more than a week so I understand that it's a lot harder for her to get over it, but I think she's thinking too much, and she's really hard on herself, and she has been beating herself up because of it a lot. And now, I'm actually worried about her because she is actually one of my closest friends, and I don't want her to cost her future because of it. I understand that she still has feelings for this guy, but I don't think it's fair that she has to suffer from the break-up. Another thing she does is that she's been comparing everything she does to her ex-boyfriend. She thinks everything she does seems like they are not 'good enough' compare to what he does. Okay, first of all, why is that a such a big deal? Sure, he's like a rocket scientist, and she's an artist, but what's wrong with that? If you love what you are doing, and you are passionate about it, then that's awesome, don't let it go, stick to it, and go at it hard. Don't get scared, because what someone else does sounds cooler than what you do. It's just not fair. So ya, that was pretty much a summary of the conversation we had earlier today. it was kind of long though. So I just wish that she would at least try to move on, and stop comparing herself to others, and not listen to what others think about her, because the odds are, in the end, it could really cost her future, and I would hate to see that happen to my friend. I just wish she was happy, I just don't like to see anyone upset, or sad, or depressed or cry. Who does?

   Then I had to work. I was actually supposed to study after 'the talk,' but I sat in my car, and fell asleep for about half an hour. Great. I haven't done any studying yet. I felt like I was hungover after I woke up from the nap. I was dizzy, I had a headache, and etc. Awesome. I didn't even have supper, and I'm pretty much hungover and I'm going to work. Great, what else could go bad? Oh wait I forgot. Augustin, the guy I'm supposed to work with, he is IMPOSSIBLE to work with. I probably worked with him 3 time now, and all he ever does is sit in the back room, and game all shift. And guess what? He sat down today, and watched movies all shift, not helping me at all. For fuck sakes like what the fuck buddy. I apologize for all the swearing, it was necessary. Anyways, it really started to fucking piss me off because I'd be doing all the shits and he'd be just sitting there and laughing his fucking ass off watching a movie. Fuck my life. At one point, I asked him to return the key to the office (you are supposed to do it every shift by 10PM and it was almost 10 when I asked him) and guess what? He completely fucking ignored me. Fucking fat ass faggot son of a bitch cocksucker. Then like 2 minutes later he goes, 'since you are the rookie, you can go.' Are you fucking shitting me right now? I've done everything and you are telling me what to do? Fuck you you fucking piece of shit. So I kind of snapped at him, I didn't really mean to though. All I said was, 'what! I've been doing all the work can't you do it?' Then he goes 'are you getting upset with me?' Ummm I don't know what do you think? OF COURSE I'M FUCKING PISSED OFF AT YOU YOU FUCKTARD!!! Oh and another thing, apparently, I've done something wrong, and all the sudden he's fucking lecturing me how I shouldn't do that anymore and stop being a nice guy, and rules are there for reasons and all that bullshit. Fuck sakes, SHUT THE FUCK UP!! I'm never like this, ever. It's just that I've had a couple long days, and had to deal with some heavy stuff, and I go to work and this fucking faggot made shits worse. FUCK. I just want to pick the world up and drop it on his fucking head. I'm glad it's over now though. Thank god.

   I've been wanting to say this but, foreign teachers should never teach. I understand that they want to spread their knowledge to us but it's impossible to learn something when they have a heavy accent and can't even speak English properly. It's really frustrating. Now I know what people feel like when I try to teach someone something because, I am Korean so haha.

  Okay. There is another thing I want to talk about foreign people. I'm not complaining about it but anyways. If you go to ANY fast food restaurants, you will notice majority of people who works there are foreign people. Now, what I don't understand is, why would they spend thousands of dollars to move here and have a shitty-ass job? I just don't think it's worth it. I mean if you spend that much money to move here, then at least get a decent job, not working at some shit hole. I used to work at McDonalds, but that's understandable because I still go to school. Anyways I've always wanted to know the answer to that. I would never ever do that though but that's just me.

  So I was actually talking to that girl on Skype again today, and I think I might have made a pretty big mistake. She actually has a boyfriend, and apparently she's mad at him. I asked her why, but she wouldn't talk about it. Great. I hate it when people bring up stuff and never talk about it. But I did get her to spit them out and this is what I found out. It's pretty fucked up. Okay. So they've been dating for about 4 years now, so that's surprisingly long. But that wasn't all. It was a long distance relationship. FOR 4 YEARS?!?!?! Maybe there's some story behind this but I'll find it out later. Anyways, she also told me about him, and this surprised me even more. He's a Russian (so is she, and both 17) and he does a lot of drugs, I don't know what he does but I don't really give a fuck, and he possesses a gun, and apparently killed few people with it, and he's been getting into a lot of trouble with cops (ya I wouldn't doubt it haha). Anyways, now she's all depressed and sad because this fucked up faggot haven't talk to her for months. So she's been pounding in loads of sugar for past few days, or even few weeks who knows. So we talked about it for a while and she asked me if she should dump him and I said yes. I honestly didn't care. She can date whoever the fuck she want, but deep down, I knew that a sweet girl like her deserved better. But then somehow, we decided to date and I said yes to it. Actually it was the other way around. I don't know why, but I asked her if she would like to date me instead and she said yes just like that. Great. Now I'm probably gonna be in some deep shit. When that fucked-up mofo finds out about this, he's probably gonna get his fucked up friends, and probably gonna come here and find me and probably gonna shoot me in the fucking head. Ya that's awesome. That's exactly the way I wanted to end my life. Over some dumb bitch. I do trust that she won't tell him about it, well she doesn't really have a choice since they don't even talk anymore, but it's her sister and her friends I'm worried about. Little sisters and their friends always have big mouths  so ya I'm a little nervous right now. I guess Lil' Wayne was right. Guns turn boys into pussies. Sex change. We are supposed to meet again tomorrow so I guess I'll talk to her about it and see where that goes. Just as I thought my life was getting better, another shit goes down. FML!!!! Hopefully nothing bad happens.

I Love Technology lol

   You know, the technology has gotten whole lot better than how it was about 10, even 5 years ago. Now days, there's nothing you can do on internet or even with your computer. I have never really used Skype before but I have actually been on it for hours this week. Okay so I know what I'm about to say is going to sound fucked up but it's a pretty decent story haha.

  Okay, so about a month ago, I went on to this chatroulette website (it like set you up with a random person and you just socialize, become friends and etc.). Well I wasn't like desperate to have new friends but I thought it\d be pretty cool to meet new people from different town. I actually went onto 2 different website, by the same company I guess haha. One was a world wide kind of thing so you pretty much see everybody around the world. I didn't particularly enjoy that one because nobody, I mean no one, takes this 'system' serious. A lot of the time, you'd see like half naked guys trying to pick up some girls, or some guys would upload a video of a girl to make other people think they are real. I actually fell for it one time haha it was not fun haha. Anyways, so, the other website, it's actually a lot better than the one I just talked about because, well, there isn't a lot of people on it since it's only for Canada, and secondly, you actually get to pick if you wanna talk to a guy or a girl. And of course I had to pick a girl haha. So the first couple ones weren't so nice lol, they like looked at me and just kind of left. I was like, okay sweet, so I decided to cover my cam and talk to whoever is next then show her who I am. It actually went pretty well. I actually got to talk to her for a quite a long time (face to face on webcam of course lol). I really liked her she was pretty cool. Then the next day, I met her again and we talked more and kind of fooled around a bit (you know what I mean lol). Then we decided to meet again at the same time everyday. And guess what? We never did lol. So after about 3 weeks after, so last sunday, I 'accidentally' met here again and we actually ended up talking about random stuff for about 3 hours. It was great. I felt like there was some sort of connection between us. I don't know what it was, but I felt great. And then at the end of the night, we traded each other's Skype usernames, and this is where Skype comes into play haha. I actually just started to talk to her on Skype yesterday, and I was actually kind of nervous, because I don't ever use Skype so I was kind of afraid that something might go wrong, and secondly, even though we talked through chatroulette before, but we didn't actually 'talk,' meaning we actually used the 'chat' thing or whatever. You know what I mean. Anyways, so yeah, we actually ended up talking for hours. Honestly, I can't even remember what we talked about. I was actually pretty tired yesterday, because I have actually stayed at school from 9AM to 4PM, which was the longest I've been there all semester (no wonder I'm doing so bad this semester haha). Then ya, I remember, about 3-4 hours into the video call, we kind of ran out of things to talk about, well actually I did. I was so tired I couldn't think straight. So ya I don't know how the conversation lasted that long. But it was definitely fun, I really enjoyed it. I felt kind of bad at the end though because I was not able to talk a lot. I talked to her again today. I didn't think she wanted to talk again after last night. This time, I was at school studying (I didn't have any classes today) and she called. So ya I had fun, it was a nice little break from studying.

   So ya back in the days, you couldn't even do things like this, especially since not everyone had a webcam. Nowdays, they are part of a standard features of laptops so pretty much everyone can go on Skype and do their things. So I think it's amazing how you can actually talk through internet to pretty much anybody you want. And honestly, I never thought I'd make a friend through internet. I'm not a stranger to computers and internet at all, in fact I'm very familiar with it, and yet, its ability still amazes me every time I use them.

I Start to Appriciate My Life Now :D

  After having a horrible week, this week has really recovered the pain I suffered haha. So I talked to the Phys. Ed. Student Advisor yesterday, and that actually just made my whole week lol. She told me everything I needed to know from how to get into the program to like what the classes are gonna be like. Anyways, I found out that I can still use my high school grades to get in which is good. And I'm kind of glad that I talked to them yesterday, not like at the end of the month because, in order to use my high school grades, I have to have less than 24 credits, and I was sitting at 27. I actually dropped or withdrew CMPUT 114 couple weeks ago so I was down to 24. But I wasn't allowed to have 24 so I had to drop another course today, so I did. Now I'm down to 2 classes haha. Another thing that really made me happy was that I already took one English course last semester so I only have to take one more next year, so that's 9 classes next year. SWEET. But wait, later on in 3rd or 4th year, you have to take option courses from other faculty, and guess what? I already got credits from like 5-6 Science courses!!!. That will make my life so much easier in the future. I was actually really excited. I was walking to my class in Van Vliet Centre (that's where all the Phys Ed classes are going to be at) and I just couldn't stop smiling because I was so excited about it haha. Then I went home and looked at all the courses. Unlike science courses, it doesn't say like CHEM 101 or PHYS 124. They were all PEDS 100 or like PERLS 102 or something. They all had the same name with different numbers. I had no clue what they were so I spent about an hour on BearTrack to check out what they were haha. And I think I'm going to do well, because they sounded really interesting!!! Also, I don't have to worry about not having any friends anymore. It was hard to make friends this year because Science is a BIG faculty here so you don't ever get to see same people in different classes, but Phys Ed is a small faculty so the odds are, you will see the same people A LOT haha. Plus, I work with the Campus Recreation so I'll have some friends right at the get go. I really want to start now. You really have no idea how excited I am!!!

Rest of the Year

   Tomorrow is actually kind of a big day. I get to see the councilor or the advisor for the Faculty of Phys Ed and I get to find out more stuff about it and how I can get into it. So far, I've been told by the U of A website that I can do readmission to Physical Education and Recreation with my high school grades. If that's true, then great. That makes my life much easier. It will cost me few dollars but oh well, it will be worth it. Also, if I can do that, that means I don't have to take a course through spring, which I've been planning on doing (PHYS 124, although I heard it's a really hard course so I wasn't really looking forward to it). 

   For the past few weeks while I was working, few people has gotten injured during an intramural hockey game. Like a player gets hit by the puck on their head, and gets cut on their face by someone else's skates, and gets slashed on their arms, and etc. Every time it happens, I feel like I should help them out but I would not know what to do. My job is actually to call the first-aid person, but while the guy gets to the site, I felt like I had to do SOMETHING about it. And I could not do anything about it. So that really got me thinking, what if I get a certificate for first-aid or CPR? So that in the future, when something like this happen (not necessarily in hockey but injuries can happen anywhere), instead of freaking out about it or just stand there and watch them, I could actually help them out. And plus, it will probably look good on my resume haha. So when the school is over, I will take a class for it (it's a 2-day course for $110) and hopefully I get the certificates for them.

   I have been looking for a summer job, preferably a full time job since I have to pay for the tuition for next 3-4 years. I only have $3300 saved up so far, which isn't bad but it ain't good either. The last time I put my money into my savings account was like 3 months ago and I only put $300. Since then, I've been spending my money on a lot of random stuff. Especially on hockey jerseys. I already got 4 now haha. Anyways, so when this week's midterm is over, which will be on friday, I will have to go out and do some job hunting. I would really like to work at either a car dealership or a sporting goods store or even at Future Shop or  Best Buy, so we will see. I hope I get one soon, I'm running out of time.

   I would love to get my hockey referee 'license,' or whatever you call it, during the summer, but unfortunately, the clinics are only open for limited time, which is during October and November I believe. So I guess I'd have to wait till then to become a ref I guess. I'm really excited about this and I want to take this pretty serious. So for the rest of the winter, and this summer, I'm going to practice skating as much as possible. Also go for a little jogging sesh in summer to increase my endurance. 

   Lastly, I'm going to start working out this summer. I always have been in a bad shape, and I've been smoking quite a lot so I'm in a terrible shape. But then I quit smoking (it's almost been a month) so I guess I'm not as in a bad shape as before but still. So, whenever I'm free during summer, I'm going to work out as much as possible.

   So I guess this really tells me how serious I am about getting a career out of sports. I don't mean necessarily as an athlete but I guess if I'm going to working with athletes, I have to look like one, live like one, and behave like one. Well, I'm gonna go for a little shinny game right now.