2 Seconds Away From Falling Asleep....

   Work today was pretty awesome. I had some rough time within last couple days at new job. Some people were actually getting frustrated with me quite a lot, but not today! I was super tired this morning. I was so tired that I didn't even want to go to work today. It's saturday, who really wants to work? I kind of slept in, so I thought I was going to be late for work. So what do I do? As soon as I hit the highway, I started driving at 140-150km/h. Constantly. Did I get to work just in time? Oh ya. In fact, I was pretty early. So that kind of pumped me up a little.

   We actually went back to the place where we were yesterday. I almost died there, because it was so tough and I was so tired. Today, it was a lot easier. After a couple days, I've learned a lot of stuff and I was able to apply that skills today. Everything went smoothly, didn't hit any walls, and etc.. I felt pretty good about myself mostly because I didn't disappoint anyone or got any shits for not doing something right. Plus, I made some friends today so that was pretty cool.

   We got off pretty earlier than usual. The first day was 8 hrs, yesterday was 8.5 hrs, and today, it was 7 hours. I was pretty happy, because it was saturday. Who doesn't want to get off early? So, overall, work was good. I liked it. I had a lot of fun. I'm still really tired though.

    I heard the new Pirates of the Carribean was really good, so I was pretty tempted to go see it. So I asked Jessica last night if she wanted to go, and she said yes so we went. I actually just got back from it. I got to say, I was a little disappointed. It was good, but it wasn't good enough. This one seemed nothing like the previous ones. There were a lot of new people, new themes, or whatever you want to call it. It just wasn't the same. I remember reading the Metro newspaper and it was rated 2.5/5. That's terrible. And I agree with that, except, it should be 3/5.

   So hanging out with Jessica was awesome, and I hope she had fun, but I don't think I did. I mean, I did for a first little bit, but towards the end of the movie and the ride home, I don't know why, I just felt a little awkward. We just didn't talk enough today I guess. Not talking always make things awkward. I was super tired so I couldn't even think of things to talk about, and I guess that was the case for her as well. At least SHE didn't find it awkward. I know both of us aren't really expecting my feelings about her to change any time soon, but I don't know if I'll be able to be 'just friends' with her. I want to be, but at the same time, I want to get a little serious too. 

   I'm pretty sure I had more stuff to talk about but I'm done for the day. My eyes are literally red, and half closed. That's how tired I am right now.

New Job

I don't think I've ever posted a blog this early before. I'm actually just at my new job waiting for something. I'm not sure what's going on right now. All I know is that my feet feels so funny right now because I have to wear steel toe boots and I'm not used to it haha.

So I finally got out of Telus couple nights ago and had my first day off yesterday. It was pretty awesome. Although, I felt pretty bad about quitting like that, to myself and the team. Emailing your boss and not showing up the next day isn't the best way to quit, but oh well, it's really effective. I kind of regret leaving Telus, because I love everyone there but I need money so I hope I made theright choice.

Oh, something is happening. Okay here we go.

Obsession

   I know I said I really enjoyed going clubbing last night, and I did, but now I got a problem. I am completely obsessed with sex now. Fuck. I'm still upset that I didn't get laid last night, and I did have a really good chance, then I blew it. I'm really regretting that now. Therefore, now I'm obsessed with it. It doesn't make any sense, right? Doesn't make sense to me either. Fuck.

THE Most Craziest Night

   HOLY FUCK!!!!! What a night I had last night with bunch of cool people. My coworker from work, Cary invited me to hang out with him last night so I went to his apartment with my friend Kyle. I thought there was going to be a lot of people from my work, but turned out it was just me and Cary. Nathan showed up for like 10 minutes then left, because he had other plans. So it ended up being just 5 of us. Me, Cary, Kyle, Cary's girlfriend Breanna, and Julia, Breanna's friend. Oh my god, Breanna and Julia were both soooooo hot, especially Breanna.

   We started playing this drinking game at the beginning at Cary's place. It looked a lot like Sociable, and I'm pretty sure it was, but they called it different. Anyways, it was alright. Things did kind of get out of control because Julia was drunk as fuck already. I can't remember how much beers I had during that time. I think it was around 6 beers. I felt fine after.

   At around 10:30pm, we were on our way to Suite 69. That's when everything started. I've only been clubbing like once before and I didn't really like it. It was just really awkward for me. That's why I never go to like Lucky 13, or Diesel, or any other clubs. If I go to the bar, it's always the Brewhouse. I like pubs and sports bars. So anyways, you could say that this was my second time going to a club. I was supposed to go to Suite 69 couple weekends ago, but I didn't want to go clubbing so I chose not to go. I'd say last night went pretty well though. Me, Cary, and Kyle started off with a Jager bomb, then me and Julia had a tequila shot. I was fucked after that. 6 beers, a jagerbomb, and a tequila shot? Yup, that sounds about right. Oh ya, on top of that, I had like 2 more beers. So ya, I honestly don't think I drank that much before in my life.

   The funniest thing happened at one point at Suite 69. Some chick came up to me and asked me to take a picture of them, and I thought I'd be a nice guy and do it for them. I can't really tell if it was good or not, because I was so drunk I couldn't even operate a camera. The light flashed so I'm assuming it worked. Then I hand back the camera to this girl, and she hands me a condom and says 'play safe.' I was like, what the fuck?? Now that I think about it, I should've tried to have sex with her. I mean, why else would she give me a condom? I was loaded back then, so I couldn't think straight but now, I regret it.

   Breanna comes up to me and said that she's going to help me get laid. YES!!! A free condom and a little help. Nice. Then she just like grabbed my hand and took me to the dance floor. Next thing I know, I was dancing with her. Um.... ya. It was kind of awkward for me, because she's Cary's girlfriend, and I don't do shits like that with my friend's girlfriend. But I still did anyways, just because she was so fucking hot. She told me that she wanted to make other girls jealous by dancing with me. Make sense, but no, it was a total fail. Oh well, I loved dancing with her anyway, although I felt bad.

   Julia suddenly became my next target. For some reason, I really really wanted to have sex with her. So I started feeding her with tequilas and next thing you know, she's completely fucked. Perfect. I tried to make my move on her so many times, but it failed every time. I remember at one point, she got mad at me and I can't remember why. She just like bitched at me about something. When we relocated to a different place, I can't remember what the place was called, but that's when I started to really push things. I literally emptied my wallet to get laid. I know I was drunk and all, but I was never like this before. I never tried this hard to get laid, but I don't know why I did it last night. I feel pretty bad about it.

   Oh, so I ended up not getting laid. You probably figured that. Instead, she made out with Kyle for like 10 minutes. Was I mad about it? It depends. I was mad that I spent shit loads of money on this chick and got nothing back. I'm really not mad about Kyle making out with her, mostly because I don't give a fuck about her. Ya I was a little jealous, but I don't 'like' her. I just wanted to have sex with her, nothing more. 

   So, I'd say it was a pretty good night overall. I like clubbing more now. I really enjoyed it. I would definitely go again very soon. Although, I didn't really get to talk to Cary a lot though. I think I talked to Breanna more. She's really cool, and I'm glad I'm friends with her now.

   I just hope that Cary is not mad at me for what I've done last night. I've been asking him constantly, but he kept telling me that he wasn't mad at me. Even Breanna told me that he's not, but I don't know. I hope that's true because he's a great coworker, and most of all, a great friend. I would hate to lose him a friend. Well, I guess we will find out on Tuesday at work.

Pushing the Limit

   So when I was at the interview for this job, when my boss asked me what my weakness was, I guess I forgot to mention that I never push myself over the limit, meaning I give up too easy. That's what I'm about to do now. I'm about to quit my job just like Cassi did. I understand that it's only been 3 weeks, but sometimes, there are certain things you can't take anymore. In this case, it's this job for me. I've tried my best to learn the material, and get loads of sales, but I just couldn't do it. I've already had lots of 0 days already. My manager always tells me that this is normal, and that I'm failing upward, but I guess I'm one of those people who likes to see myself making a really good progress in a short period of time. When it comes to work, I've done so well in the past. I've learned new skills and new knowledge really fast, and all my bosses loved me. Now, all I'm doing is letting the team and my managers down.

   I've been told that a lot of the reps who started a long before us had to go through the same thing as what I'm going through when they started. That did make me feel better a little bit. But think about this, what if I still don't make any sales by then? We are looking at about a month of failing, having 0 days, but what if, after this month, I'm still the same? I thought, since I've been doing really good at working, I thought I could do this, but I guess I'm not really meant to be a salesman. I've never thought that I'd be a salesman, and it was a huge mistake thinking that I could become a good salesman. I just wasted a month of my life. 

   If it wasn't for school and money, I'd stick around and see the end of this, but I got to think about what's on the line for me. I need $4000 to go to school next year, which will decide my future. I guess the money situation just f'd up my mind, and plus, the fact that I'm getting paid based on commission, that did not help either. I felt so pressured, and at the same time, I was also worried that I won't make any money. I understand that I'll be making over $1500 a week with just 3-4 sales a day, but it's not as easy as it sounds. Not everyone possess the same skill and everyone has different ways to sell. Different people have been telling me to do different things, so that really confused me too. Altogether, the result was just full of anger, frustration, and was very stressful.

   There are certain things you aren't meant to be, and for me, it's being a salesman. This week proved it. I got 2 on monday. I lucked out on that one, because this lady was just looking to switch to Telus, and I just happened to be showing up at the right time. After that, I had 2 straight 0 days. Technically, I got another 0 day today too. I got 4 today, but Matt did everything for me, so they weren't really mine. Plus, I didn't even get a callback on the second half of the day, so there you go, another 0 day. It might be better for both me and the company if I quit. I'm wasting my time, and theirs. I'm sure there's a lot of candidates who could be way better salesman than I am, and it's not fair that I'm working for them, and they are not.

   I'll make tomorrow my last day. I've been thinking about quitting today, but I would've felt bad, because, first of all, Cassi quit today, and second, Adam thinks I can do well, and be a great salesman. If I said I wanted to quit right then, I probably would've disappointed them. Tomorrow is going to be a short day, so I'll just be patient and get it over with, then I'll send an email to Adam on saturday or something.

   I'm really mad at myself for being a such a quitter. I've been like this all my life. When would this ever change??

New Town

We decided to go to different town for work today. It's always been either Edmonton or Leduc, but today, it's Spruce Grove. I have never been to this town before and I was told that some of the area here has been hit already but they never told us about what kind of reception they got when they were here. Alight. So I came here not knowing what to expect. This guy who just joined our team yesterday actually live in this town and he said it'd be great. I was a little excited when I heard that, but now I am not at all.

The reception was fairly good for like the first 5 minutes but after that, it just started to go downhill. There wasn't a lot of no homes but some people were just kind of being douche or bitch. Frustrated?? Oh ya. Although I did have someone to talk to back then so it wasn't as bad. But still, all I really want right now is a couple of sales. Socializing is nice but, no offense to everyone, I care about sales right now more than anything.

I still got a couple more hours to go. If I pull off just 1 sale, I'd be more than happy. I have to break the curse I got right now.

  I really have nothing to write about today, mostly because nothing interesting happened all day. I went to the U of A at around 2 to sell one of my textbook. This one girl wanted my Linear Algebra textbook so I sold it to her for $60. That's less than half of what I paid for, but I'm broke right now. $60 was good enough for me. Plus, I don't even need it anymore so it was nice to get rid of one of my 5 useless textbooks.

  I came back home and had absolutely nothing to do. I guess I could've done some callbacks, but they are just waste of time. I already tried like 4-5 of them last week, but only 1 of them turned into a sale and it was a single internet. So I ended up watching Family Guy all day. It was on TV all day so, why not? I love Family Guy. This one episode, Brian and Stewie was on twice so I watched it the both time. It was a really good episode. It was very touching. It sucked though, because it was so nice out, but I was sitting at home doing nothing.

  I called up my friend Shayne and decided to go out and play street hockey. YES! I love street hockey. I've been wanting to play for so long. I've been wanting to use my goalie pads so I thought I'd try them out today. I was a little worried though, because they are really good pads and I didn't want to wreck them. So I wasn't really on top of my game, but oh well, it's a lot better than ripping those pads. It was pretty fun. It wasn't as good as before though, mostly because there was only 4 of us. We always play at this one guy's house, and I actually hate him. He's like 16 and he's cocky as fuck. Some days, I just want to swing my stick as hard as I could and just hit him in the head. But of course, I would never do such a thing. Who knows, if he really pisses me off, I will one day. Nah, I won't haha. 

  I just chugged like half of my XL coffee from Tim Hortons and I feel like shit. I want to throw up. Why did I do that? I have no fucking clue.

Saturday the 14th

   Yesterday was the Friday the 13th. That means bad things were supposed to happen yesterday. Oh bad things DID happen yesterday. 1) I had the worst day at work. I was fine emotionally and all that, my performance was terrible. I was at 0 sales and 0 callbacks till like the end of the day. I got 1 callback at the end of the night. I have a feeling that it could turn into 2 sales, and I hope it does. 2) Our smoke detector went off at my house. My sister calls me and told me that the 'alarm' went off. I was like, WTF?! Did someone break in or something? I was so worried. I phoned up the ADT people and asked them what happened, and guess what? Nothing. They didn't have any report from my house. Apparently, it's been going on and off. That took a while to get that sorted out. It ate up good 30 minutes of my work time. I probably could've got at least one sale during that half an hour. 3) Well, this didn't really affect us at all, but we witnessed a huge accident behind the Londonderry mall, and in front of M.E. Lazarte High School. This white Chrysler got T-boned by a Chevy truck. Within minutes, cops and ambulance showed up and put up those yellow tapes around the site. That's never a good sign. I felt pretty bad. I've never seen a car accident happening right before my eyes, but if we left our turf about 2 minutes earlier, we could've witnessed. When we saw the accident site, we could all tell that it happened just minutes before we were there. 

   I was kind of glad that I wasn't the only one with 0 sales yesterday. Our van total was 6. We had 6 people. So that made me feel better. And plus, I was at the stage where you no longer care about anything yesterday so I wasn't upset or anything like that. Bad luck just frustrated me a little but I was all good.

  After last couple days, I started to consider about getting a new job. I found some jobs on Kijiji that seemed interesting and most of all, the ones that doesn't involve door-to-door stuff. I applied at about 5 different places. I really wanted to work at a car dealership, and I have been trying for a long time now, but I haven't heard anything from any of them so far. I found this one job, it didn't really say what we do, but it seemed very interesting. Plus, it said there will be no cold calling, telemarketing, and door-to-door selling so I was sold after reading that part. I applied for the job online, and about 5 minutes later, I received a phone call from them. WHAT!!! This never happened before. So anyways, I agree to attend the interview today at 2. I applied at about quarter after noon, and received a phone call at about 12:20pm. 

   I found out that I just applied at the company called Vector/Cutco. It's a cutlery company. Interesting, right? I had to sit there and listen to the person talking about their kitchen knives and all that. I didn't take any note at all. I had a feeling that I wasn't going to be hired, and if I didn't, I probably wouldn't have cared to be honest, because I have a job now, which I really hate, and plus I applied at like 4 other places today, and I had another interview at Direct Energy on monday. There were 5 of us, and I was second last one to go. 

  I wasn't nervous about the interview at all, mostly because it wouldn't have done anything to me if I wasn't hired. The interview literally lasted about 5 minutes, maybe less. The manager, Brittney, she was so fucking hot, asked me like 2 questions. What did you like about this job? What kind of goal have you achieved so far? or something like that. I answered it with no problems. I was totally being honest, I might like this job because it's not going to be door to door selling and selling cutlery seems very unusual but very interesting. That's exactly what I told her. Just like that, she said 'Congratulations.' She told me that she loved how I'm very enthusiastic when I'm talking. She said that's exactly what she was looking for, and told me that customer will love me. Awesome! I guess 2 weeks of Telus Sales Program helped. 

  I was very surprised. I mean, who wouldn't be? I applied at noon today, went to the interview 2 hours later, then another 2 hours later, I was hired. I didn't even bring a resume, I was late for the presentation, my hair was all bushy, and all that, but wow, I couldn't believe it.

  So the training days will be on Thursday and Friday. I would have to book those days off from Telus. I still haven't decided if I want to keep both jobs or quit Telus. There I go again, the conflict. I can't make up my mind. WHY?!?! I'll do both for now. If I like Cutco, I'll quit Telus, if not, I'll do Cutco on weekends and morning. It's going to be a long long summer. I wish it was August right now so we could go to Europe.

Disappointment after disappointment

I would've wrote this yesterday, but the website would not let me so I would have to write it now.

After having 0 day, I was very motivated to do well last night. I set my goal pretty high because I knew I was going to do well. I was a lot more confident. 5 was my goal. I wanted to get 6 but I thought it was a little high so I brought it down to 5. I actually started off with the day pretty good. I had pretty good receptions and no oe was really yelling at me. After about 30 minutes into the day, I got my first 2 sales. Those people were pretty cool. Me and my boss ended up staying at that house for about an hour but oh well, I didn't mind that. I had fun at that house. I was pretty glad that I got those sales because, apparently everyone else got at least one sale at that point.

Those sales really boosted my confidence and all that, but that didn't help at all. Bad neighborhood, a lot of no homes, a lot of people who weren't so happy about Telus, etc.. Frustration hit me hard on my face. It hit me so hard, I probably got a concussion from it.

Everyday, I end the day with frustration and anger. If I want to enjoy this job, that should not happen. I'm trying really hard. I'm using everything that I learned from my manager and everyone else, but what the hell?!

I'm actually starting to give a second thought about this job. I'm going to start looking for a different job this weekend and see where that goes. Hopefully I find some decent job, at least the one I fan actually enjoy. A good paying job would be nice too.

Fear of Rejection

   Once again, I had to work all day today. Actually it was even longer than usual days. Remember how I told you we'd have that training session today? Yup, it started at 11am. So it was an hour and 15 minutes earlier than usual. Let's talk about the training session. Everybody thought they were useful, but I thought it was garbage. My manager, MacLain, taught me the same stuff yesterday, and his methods and theories were way better than Jason Gregg's method. WAY better. Anyways, that's not really what I wanted to talk about. During the session, I noticed how Jason and MacLain were going at each other. Jason is like our boss, and MacLain is just a manager. I've been told that Jason absolutely hates everything about MacLain and vice versa. I don't like Jason either. He's not very outgoing person, and I just find him awkward. I've only seen him twice, but he seemed really depressed. He must be really hating his job right now. I could read it on his face.

   We didn't set our goals today, which was good, because if I didn't achieve that goal today, I would've been so disappointed. First half wasn't so good. I heard everyone in my group has gotten at least 2 sales. All I got was 2 callbacks, and a lot of no-homes. Well, nobody, I mean literally no one that works here, expect you to get any sales before 6, mainly because everyone is either at school or at work, hence there's a lot of no-home. If nobody is at home, how are you going to make sales, right? I started to get pretty jealous, and became pretty competitive. I tried so hard on the second half of the night. Guess what? I still got no sales, and ended up with 3 callbacks, so total of 5 callbacks and 0 sales for the night. Come on, seriously.

   I always feel bad when I get 0 sales in a day. I understand that I just started this job, and I'm still learning, but still, I know Adam, our boss, and MacLain, and along with other reps has certain expectation from us. For example, I know they want at least 1 sale a day. I don't know I guess I'm just a type of person who likes to do things super fast and move onto the next step within seconds. I have always been like that, and I think that's what's happening right now.

   Surprisingly, I wasn't frustrated at all today. I was fine when people said 'no' then shut the door on my face. It just didn't do anything to me. I was more motivated and just made me stronger I guess haha. By the end of the night, I still felt great. Emotionally and physically, of course, but not mentally haha. I honestly don't know what went wrong. I modified my openings which has been great, I got a lot of good receptions, and I followed every steps which MacLain has taught me. It was just a bad luck I guess??? Oh well, I'm not about to give up now to be honest with you. I did talk about how I'm going to quit if the results are bad, but no. It ain't going to happen anytime soon. After today, like I mentioned, I'm a lot more motivated, and I don't know. I'm not really sure what it is, I can't really describe it but I felt great. And I'm thinking this is going to stay with me all the way to the end. 

   So, what's my goal for tomorrow? I'm going for 6. I don't care if I have to use my break time or stay all night. I'm getting that 6 sales tomorrow. I can handle 3 customers. I love it when things turn into a competition. This job isn't supposed to be competition, but I just hate it when I see other people get more sales than I do. That's when competitiveness comes into play. I am going to get 6 sales tomorrow. No matter what. I know I can do it.

   Quote of the day: "Even the smallest person can change the course of the future." - Galadriel from The Lord of the Rings

Pressure

   So my goal today was to get 6 sales. Well, I didn't really have a choice, my manager told me that he'd help me out, and said we will get 6 sales today. I wanted to go for 2 again today, but you have to do what you manager tells you to do, right? To be honest, I was cool with it. I started off with a pretty good morning, a nice little talk and a coffee, perfect, and I don't know, I was just in a good mood all day. Me and my manager went over some theory stuff, and some more of those product knowledge test. I thought those were really helpful. I don't know how he does it, but he does his stuff really good. Everything makes sense when he does this. He's a really smart guy, and I was really glad that he was there to help me out, and solve my problems. I only ended up getting 3 sales. I achieved MY goal, but not my manager's. He was cool with it though. He thought I did a really good job today, considering we were only out knocking doors for about 2 hours. I also got 1 callback, but the lady I spoke to wasn't really into it, so there's really no hope on that one. But overall, I had a really good day.

   Before we left for Leduc, we went to Leduc again by the way, one of the reps from my team has been telling me we HAVE to get 6 sales today really fast, because she had to go to some concert, and she was on about it all day. I'm not kidding, every time I saw her, she was bitching about how she's going to miss the concert and how she'd be pissed if she missed it and how she paid like $80 for it. I can see that it's kind of like once in a life time thing, but fuck, seriously, shut the fuck up. Nobody gives a shit. She was making everyone feel bad. I felt like shit for a while. Like I mentioned, I had a such a great morning, and she comes up to me and tells me to get 6 sales ASAP, then gave me like the most deathly look. What the fuck. I understand that I didn't get any sales yesterday, and there was a slight possibility that I won't be getting any sales again today, but don't come to me and bitch about how she'd be pissed off if she misses it. And how many sales did she get today? Ya that's right, she only got 2. Just fucking keep your mouth shut. I mean, everyone knows that she's dying to go to the concert but she was just being really selfish. I felt guilty even before I went out on the field. Some people just don't think of anyone else but themselves. Well, I'm going to be honest with you, I do that too sometimes, but I never do it like this. 

   I'm a little disappointed that I've been missing so much games within a week and a half. On the positive side, I don't really have any teams to cheer for other than Detroit. Oh by the way, they won game 6 today. They were down 3 games to none, and now the series is tied at 3-3. That's incredible. I knew they weren't going to be swept by San Jose. Detroit has a lot of experience and they are full of veterans. I hope they win the game 7. Wouldn't that be something? 2 years in a row, a team with 3-0 deficit in the series and come back and wins the series. Philly did it last year, and I hope Detroit does it this year. I'm kind of upset that I'll be missing this historic moment, but oh well, I'll be out making money. Plus I think I can watch it on my phone so I'll try that.

   We will be doing that 4 hour training tomorrow. We were supposed to do it last friday, but there was some technical difficulties, so we will be doing it tomorrow. That means I have to be at the office by 10:45am. I guess I could leave my house at the same time as I did today. Not a problem at all. It better be good, or at least we better get our REAL ID card. I'm so embarrassed to have a piece of paper clipped around my neck. Oh and a Telus jacket would also be great too. Then I'd look more professional. I don't know I guess we will find out tomorrow.

Well I started the day pretty good. I got to talk to Jessica about our little misunderstandings and I gotta say it turned out pretty well. I was so glad that we talked. So I'm feeling really good right now.

So apparently my goal for today is to pull off 6 sales. I'm a little worried right now, because I got 0 sales last night so I'm a little discouraged right now, but I had a pretty bad day yesterday and like I said, I'm in a Pretty good right now so we will see how that goes. Oh and half of my team is going to a concert so there is a little pressure involved so now I HAVE to get 6 sales within next 5-6 hours. I really hope I don't screw up

6th Day At My New Job

   It's already been a week since I started my new job. So far, I'm alright with it, I mean there are some things I'm not too happy about the job, and I did think about quitting after a couple weeks, but I actually think I might stick around. At least until I get fired. Today was my 4th day out on the field alone. I guess since all the training days are over, I really don't have a choice. 3 out of those 4 days, I haven't been doing too bad at all. I got 4 sales total, and about 10 callbacks. Dawn has 18 sales already, but she has some experience and training so that's not really fair to us, but compare to any other new people, I thought I did pretty well. Today wasn't so good. It was either me, or we were just in a bad neighbourhood. I was still a little upset about what happened on the weekend, but I definitely felt better. I tried not to think about it, and I did for the first half of the day, then I just could not help it. I ended up with 0 sales, and 3 callbacks. I'm quite certain that at least 2 of those callbacks will turn into sales. I really hope they do. Other people in my team got lots of sales. Cary got 3, Matt got 3, Nizar got 4, and Cedric got 2. And I got 0. I guess I'd have to make up for it tomorrow and get 4. I know I can do it, but I guess my personal life and the negative emotions have been affecting me. I know I'm not supposed to get my personal life involved when it comes to work, but there are certain things you can't really control.

   So I kind of figured Jessica would say something about me, or at least a comment about the weekend, on her blog, so I thought I'd check it out. Turned out, it was all about me. When I first read it, I got even more upset. I honestly thought I was going to cry, but I was in the meeting for work so I didn't. I really thought I needed to talk to her about this, and I had a feeling that she had to talk to me about this as well. So I texted her and told her that it'd be nice if we talked about this, and we are going to meet up tomorrow and get things sorted out. Now that I think about it, actually I thought about this while I was working, I'm really glad that I read her blog. I think I said this same thing last night, but I much rather get rejected than wondering what it could've been like. There you go. Now I know how she feels about me, and I pretty much got rejected by her, indirectly, and I feel a lot better. If I hadn't read her blog, I would've probably wasted my time liking someone who doesn't like me back. She also said she still wanted to be friends with me, so that really touched me. I know it won't be easy and be pretty awkward for a while, but to be honest, I'm totally okay with that. She's right. Shayne is right. Everybody is right. It's not the end of the world. I just make it sound like it's the end of the world.

   Like I said before, I'll be talking to her about this tomorrow, and I'm actually kind of excited about it. I do hope that it goes well. I guess I could consider this as a new beginning of our friendship. It will take me a long long time for me to recover from this, but then again, it's not the end of the world. She's been a really good friend to me, and I hope I was a good friend to her as well, and if we were meant to just stay as friends, I think I can live with that. We won't be dating, but at least I won't be losing a friend, right?

   So I found out few stuffs about what happened last night. Alger and Kyle got home safely, which is really good. I was glad nothing had happened to them. Secondly, Shayne and Brooke fucked again last night. I'm a little upset about that. I mean, 2 weekends in a row? Come on, I have a problem of my own, which happens to be a girl problem, and he's telling me all this, and made me feel like shit. I felt like shit already, and he just made it worse. Lastly, I found out that Shayne and Jessica talked last night. Apparently it wasn't a long conversation. That's what Shayne told me, but what he told me after that made me think it was. At least it was longer than what he told me.

   So this is what I was told by Shayne. He was with her alone and tried to talk to her, and apparently he asked Jessica what she thought about me. Then she said I was a nice guy and was about to say something else but apparently me and Kyle interrupted. Alright, at that point, I believed what he said. Then after that, he told me not to get my hopes up. He said she's kind of jumpy or whatever. I was like 'whatever,' I was too depressed to care and I wasn't really listening to him that much. 

   My old friend from high school, Krystal, texted me while I was talking to Shayne. It's been a while since I talked to her so I thought I'd text her back and start a conversation. Guess what we talked about? This. She said she'd help me out, so I thought, why not? I mean, talking to Shayne about it usually helps, but it didn't really do any good today, and plus I'd like to get some help from a girl since it's a girl problem. I honestly don't remember half of what she's told me, but it was really helpful. I think just talking to her really helped. It was really nice to talk to her. I really miss her though. We used to be pretty good friends back then, then I asked her out, and it just wasn't the same anymore, but now, it feels like we are back to being friends again just like back in the days.

   I thought about all the things I talked about with Shayne and Krystal just now, and something does not feel right. Especially what Shayne has been telling me. The fact that he only talked to her for like 2 seconds, and now he's telling me not to get my hopes up and she's not the one for me and all that shit? He's not telling me something. I know it. He's done this to me before, I'm not dumb. So I'm thinking Jessica either said that she doesn't really like me and wants to stay in the friend zone, or she likes Kyle. That one sounds kind of random, but I think she does. She looked really happy and had a lot of fun with kyle last night. I remember that look on her face. So ya I definitely think she said one of those two things to Shayne last night, and he didn't tell me today because he know it will hurt me. I wish he'd told me though. Or maybe he wasn't lying and that's really what happened.

   I don't know what to do. I like her more and more everyday, but at the same time, things get worse day by day. I really don't know what I should do. Why does this happen to me all the fucking time? I can't handle this anymore. I have to end this. Soon. Fuck today was a terrible day. I don't think I was ever like this before. I mean, I've done few things I normally don't do today, trying to make me feel better, but it got worse. I really hope this doesn't go on for days and weeks. Why is it that a girl is a biggest problem I have right now? I got other things to worry about that's way more important. Fuck, my life fucking blows.

BEER PONG!!!!

   Just like last weekend, I had same people over and had a little beer pong night. There was a little change in line up. It was me, Shayne, Brooke, and Kyle, of course, then there was Alger, Shayne's coworker, and Jessica. Yay!! I finally got Jessica to party with us last night. You have no idea how excited I was. So we actually started our night pretty late. Jessica came over at around 6 and watched the game. Surprisingly the Vancouver, Nashville game wasn't so bad. It's usually boring as fuck, but last night's game wasn't bad at all. Nashville won by the way. Then Kyle came over at like 8. We all finished watching the game and played ping pong until Shayne got to my house. Jessica was actually really good. I really wasn't expecting that. She surprised me yet again. I love how she's full of surprises. Shayne and Brooke showed up at around 10 then we decided to go go karting. I really wanted to go, but since I had no money, I didn't want to go at the same time. Kyle was nice enough to pay for me and Jessica. It was so fun. I've never gone go karting before and I couldn't believe how fun it was. Thanks Kyle.

   We got home at about midnight, then the beer pong began. I was kind of worried that Shayne and Brooke might ruin everything again just like last weekend. And they did. Brooke was mad at Shayne about something, I have no fucking idea, and she was moody all night. For fuck sakes, cheer the fuck up. You are partying, for fuck sakes. Me and Kyle did pretty good. We had some amazing shots haha. Then Jessica was on fire, sinking every cups. She surprised me AGAIN. So overall, I'd say it was a pretty good night. It was way better than last weekend though. Jessica being here made a huge difference. It meant a lot to me.

   I was quite certain that I'd be able to ask her out, or at least tell her how I feel about her last night, but it never happened. AGAIN. It was mainly because we were all tired and wanted to go to bed. We didn't go to bed till like 4. Secondly, Alger and Kyle left. I was not happy about that. I don't care what they say, either they say they are not drunk and they can drive, but I don't give a shit. If you drink, you got to stay. What if something happens? Then it's my responsibility and I'd feel terrible. I don't know what happened to Alger, I don't have his number or anything. I hope, I really hope that he called Shayne. Kyle apologized like 3214656 times haha. It was nice of him. I got a text from him at 4am saying he just got home. Thank god. I was actually worried. But everything is good now. Anyways, back to me and Jessica, so ya, we both just went to bed. I kind of hated myself for what I didn't do last night, I mean, we were alone a lot of the time, and I just couldn't do it. Either I really like her and trying not to screw up or I'm just a big pussy. It might be both haha. I still had to drive her home, so I thought I'd do it then. Guess what? Nothing. We were so tired we barely talked. FUCK! Why can't I do it???

   I am so upset right now for not asking her out. That's the whole reason why I've been asking her to hang out with me so much. Last night was a perfect chance for me, and I blew it. Wait, it might've been a good thing, because I did have this dream last night. I asked her out, and she said no. That like crushed me then I became an alcoholic and have been chain smoking. People say dreams are opposite, or dreams do come true. Either or, I'm kind of glad that I didn't ask her, but at the same time, I'm still a little upset. I don't know I can't make up my mind. I am so conflicted right now. Fuck. I don't even know when I'll be able to see her again. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCKKK!!!!!!

   I wonder if she's been reading my blog lately, because I've been talking about her a lot.

ABC = Always Be Closing

   To be honest, I wasn't really looking forward to today. Our actual plan was to be at the Telus Tower on Jasper Ave., and we were supposed to do like 4 hours of in-class training. It was delayed for about 20 minutes so we started at about quarter after 11. Then, we talked for a bit, but there was a technical difficulty. The guy tried to fix it for good hour and a half, but could not fix it. I was so glad, because I wasn't ready for 4 hours of training. So that was good, and then after we left the building, my boss, Adam took us out for lunch. We went to Earl's. I've actually never been there. There's one on campus, and I've been wanting to go there but I actually never had a chance to check it out. We got there, and I looked at the menu, and I was pretty surprised. A lot of the food were pretty expensive. I wanted a steak, but I ended up getting a linguini. It was really good. I loved it. 

   After that lunch, I just wanted to go home. I didn't even want to go to the bar or anything, all I thought about was going to bed. We ended up going to east side of the town again today. We went to the same place on last monday and tuesday, and I wasn't a big fan of it. It's kind of a sketchy area. So me and Mark covered 85th St.. After about 5-6 houses, I got an early sale. This guy, who looked like a stoner, wasn't too happy about the internet service he's getting right now. He said he can't even talk to his friend who lives across the street on his Xbox. When I told him that ours is better and cheaper, he said yes. I've been having problems with closing the deal, and a lot of the coworkers have been helping me a lot with it. I didn't think I learned anything from it, but I guess I did. Everything went really smooth, and I got my first sale within like 15 minutes. I was so pumped up. I mean, it was a pretty good start. But then I was so disappointed after. I covered 7 blocks, and almost 70% of them weren't home, and the rest were either mad at Telus and absolutely hates us, or they don't care about anything else but what they've got right now. Was I frustrated? Of course. I just wasted 90 minutes and got nothing. I just wanted to go home then.

   My boss asked us to get at least 2 sales today. I got a really easy internet sale, and I just needed another one. After our break, we went to the same general area. I wanted to say we have to go to the different place but I'm not the one who makes that decision so I kept my mouth shut. Before we went out again, Mike actually gave us a lot of good tips, like how to open, and stuff like that. I actually really helped. I didn't actually use any of that when we were out, but I'm going to study them over this weekend and use it next week. So I was paired up with Cary on the second half. We were only out there for about 20 minutes. After hitting about 5-6 houses, I ended up with 2 callbacks. I didn't think it was bad, but I mean, I promised my boss that we'd get 2 sales today. I was a little disappointed about it. I had about 2 more houses to hit before we called it a day at that moment, and I actually got 2 sales on the last house I hit. It took me a while, but then again, I used that soft closing technique again. I couldn't believe that I actually pull that one off. So I got total of 3 sales today. I was more than happy about it. So was my managers.

   I am exhausted right now. I'm kind of glad that I didn't go to the bar tonight. I would've died if I did. Plus, I have tomorrow so it was all good. Shayne, Brooke, Kyle and Shayne's friend and Jessica are coming over tomorrow so I'm really excited. Haha, yup, Jessica is coming over. I called her today, and I kind of used that soft closing technique on her and it worked! Who knew, right? Tomorrow is going to be a good day.

Day 4 at work

   I started off the day a pretty good news. One of the 5 callbacks I got yesterday turn into a sale! This one lady was using Shaw's internet service but she wanted a better deal and faster internet, so I set it up for her, and she said she wanted to do it, so I got my first sale. I felt pretty great. She even phoned me during our meeting, so I felt kind of bad about receiving that call during the meeting, but when I walked back in and told everyone that I just got a sale, they were all happy, and all congratulated me. It was awesome. 

   We actually went to Leduc today. Leduc is actually about 20 minutes away from Edmonton. It's really close to the  Edmonton International Airport. Anyways, that actually didn't start off too well, because our manager didn't give us a map or anything so we had no idea where we were meeting up. So that killed about 20 minutes of our time. The neighbourhood we hit on the first half of the day wasn't so good either. It was either empty houses, or people who absolutely hates Telus, or they are not interested. It was one of those three. I didn't have a bad day. I was with Cary and Matt today so there you go. For the second half of the day, we went to this developing area of Leduc. It was pretty much like a new area. Apparently, it's been hit before but they said we will try it again so we did. And it was great. Our team pulled of 5 sales, 6 including the one I had this morning. So it wasn't bad. I didn't get any sales today, but I did get 4 callbacks. Although, I'm not too confident about it. I don't think any of these people are going to switch from what they have right now. Oh well. The callbacks I had yesterday was pretty good. I think at least 2 of those clients will sign the deal.

   So I left Leduc pretty happy. I was cold and tired, but that didn't really matter. But it didn't last long. I got to my car, and I got a fucking parking ticket!! I've been trying to find a free parking space so I parked it at the Save On just off of Jasper Ave., but even they gave me a fucking ticket. I'm thinking about not paying it. Everyone at work told me not to. I don't know what's going to happen if I don't but I'll think about it, but right now, I definitely won't. So that kind of ruined my day, and when I got home, it got worse. I thought my sister would be a little generous and do the dishes, but NO!!!! She didn't do it because it wasn't her day to do the dishes. Are you kidding me? I've been working all day and didn't get home till 10pm and she couldn't do that for me? I swear to god, she can be a such a bitch sometimes. She's a one heartless woman.

   I just checked my bank account about half an hour ago, I realized I'm broke. I only have $234 left. That was after I paid off my credit card bill. It's not too bad, but I have to spend $100 this weekend so that leaves me with $134 until my next paycheque which is going to be $535 at the moment. Speaking of credit card, so apparently 7/11 didn't charge me for the gas I bought on tuesday. I remember it was around $35 but I can't seemed to find that on my credit card transaction history. And after I paid off my bill, the available credit was reset to $500. That's my max credit so obviously they didn't charge me. Awesome. Free gas!!

   I called Jessica today. It was kind of awkward haha. We were on our break so I thought I'd call her and ask her what's going on for this weekend. She kept saying that she doesn't know yet, but I think she's just trying to be polite and not saying no. Well, that's kind of nice of her actually. She actually has a heart not like my sister. But ya, I got a pretty good response from her so I wasn't too upset about her not saying yes. I really do hope I get to see her this weekend though.

   Tomorrow is going to be a long day. I have to go to the Telus tower at 10:45am. Apparently we are doing like a in class training kind of thing. That should be interesting. It better be good because it's going to go on till 3pm, and if I don't learn anything from it, then I just wasted my time. I mean, during that 4 hours, I probably could hit about 30 houses and pull off at least one sale. But they all said it's going to help a lot so we will see.

May the Fourth be With You

   I feel like I had a really bad day. I honestly have no idea why, but it feels like the day was so slow and painful. Like all day, I felt like shit, and just wanted to go home. 

   I have been going to the mailbox before work because I won't be home till 10 and I'm tired as fuck then and I probably want to put all that extra effort to go to it. So as usual, I opened it today, and I received a letter from the U of A saying I have been conditionally accepted to the faculty. I was so excited when I got the email saying I was accepted but I didn't know it was conditional. So that actually kind of ruined my day. Even though I knew that I'll be on probation, but just seeing that letter made me feel pretty bad, because it said that if I don't get the GPA of 2.0 next year, I can't go to the U of A anymore. I'm not saying that I can't do it, but if someone or something just brings it up and talk about it, then I'll get more nervous. That's one of the reasons why I don't ever talk about school. People talk about the mistakes they made in their days, and how it took them forever to recover that and all that shit, and they scare the fuck out of me. Why are you doing that to me?! I'm already stressed out about it. I have been ever since high school, and they are making it worse. So ya, I started off with a pretty bad news, although it's actually a good news.

   The work wasn't all that bad. Today was my first day out on the field alone, with no one shadowing me, and to be honest, I was pretty confident. I know I don't have any experience with sales but I was still fairly confident. Unfortunately, being confident did not help much. I didn't make any sales. But on the positive side, I got 5 callbacks. My manager wasn't too excited that I didn't make any sales, but he was satisfied with my performance. I mean, getting 5 callbacks on my first time, I'd say it's pretty good as well. My manager told me that I would have to improve on closing the sale, and I agree with that. I just don't want to do something that other people don't want. I don't want them to call me later and bitch at me because something happened and they weren't expecting. Now that I think about it, I shouldn't have to worry about that anymore. I just thought of something great for closing so I think I'll try that tomorrow and see where that goes. Who knows, maybe I'll get tons of sales.

   There is indeed something I do not like about job. I guess there is always something you don't like about your job. I mean, I loved working at the hockey rink, I miss working there so much right now, but sometimes I hated what certain people was doing and it really got on my nerve, but I mean, that's part of the job. For this one, to me, money is not really the issue. I will get paid $500 for my first paycheque, which isn't bad at all, but I just hate how some people react when they see sales agent like myself. Honestly, I'm not a big fan of door to door salesmen either, but still, I at least listen to them even though I know I'll say no to them. Another thing that I don't like about it is that I can clearly see people inside the house, but they don't ever answer the door. How can people be so rude? I thought I'd be used to this kind of stuff by now, but I guess not. 

   For the last couple days, I got to work with someone beside me, and vice versa, but this time, nope. I was pretty much alone the whole time. I do not like that at all. Especially when someone shuts the door on you, you obviously want to bitch about it, like how those people are being a dick and all, but there's no one to talk to. I was told by Cary and Matt that they all usually stay pretty close, like across the street kind of thing, and I hope I get to do that. Soon. I can't stand doing this kind of thing by myself.

   I think I really have to get rid of this girl problem of mine. It happens every fucking year. I'd always have a huge crush on someone, and I'd try to ask them out, and I don't do anything about it. In grade 10, it was Antonia, who was my best friend back then, but I couldn't ask her out, because I didn't do anything about it and we eventually just entered the friend zone. In grade 11 and 12, it was Rachel, who was in my French 30 class. She was actually a year older than me, actually that's not true, she was one grade above me, and we used to be partners for pretty much every single French project we did. Since then, I had a big crush on her, and I really tried to hang out with her. A lot. We'd make plans but for some reason, something always happened to her so we never actually hung out for the longest time. I'm pretty sure she just made dumb excuses to not hang out with me, but anyways. So ya, after a year of trying, we finally hung out. I had a lot of fun. It was on New Year so I had a really good start to the year of 2010. Then about 3 months later, we hung out again and I knew that that may be the last time I'll see her so I planned to ask her out. Guess what, nope. Nothing happened. I got scared. I think back, and I should've done it, because I never saw her since, or even talked to her. So I just wasted 1 and a half years liking this girl but got nothing back. Then I graduated from high school, and went to U of A. I met these two girls at the orientation, and I really liked this one girl. She was in my group for the orientation and we talked a lot. I remember, at the end of the second night of the orientation, we traded each other's number. We hung out few times. We went to the West Ed one time, it wasn't great, but it was better than nothing, right? Then we just had coffee on campus few times. Again, I tried to ask her out, then it never happened, and I never ever talked to her since. 

   I'd say this year, well it's over now so I guess it's last year, was probably the worst one. I started working at the hockey rink, and at that moment, I was really surprised, because there was a lot of girls. So that was one of the reasons why I loved working there. Loving hockey was the main reason, but that was good too. There was this girl named Nicole, and I worked with her on my first shift. We actually talked at the job meeting and at that moment, I knew we'd be pretty good friends. I don't know why, but I just got that feeling. So ya, I worked with her on my first shift, and I had a lot of fun talking to her. She was funny, nice, down to earth kind of girl. Exactly the type of girl I like. So I ended up really liking her, but then turned out, she played baseball for Team Canada, and I thought that was too much for me. I mean, it'd be awesome going around telling everyone that, 'ya, I'm dating a baseball player who plays for Canada,' but it was too much. I did hang out with her a couple times though. We went and watched a movie, we watched Paranormal Activity 2 which was a frigging awesome movie. I loved it. So that went pretty well, then after the Fall term, we played shinny hockey together. I absolutely loved it. I always wanted to play a sport that I love with a girl, and that was exactly what I wanted. That went pretty well I'd say, it was a pretty long day though. We went to 2 different rinks, we went to Shayne's house in between, because the hockey game was on, then after playing hockey for hours, we went for dinner. So it wasn't bad at all, but for some reason, I just never talked to her since. I honestly do not know why I don't talk to her anymore. Then there's Jen. She was a tough one. After working together for a while, we became a pretty close friend. But there was something about her that I didn't really like, but I knew it could've effected on a relationship if I were to date her. So I changed my mind a lot about her. Some days, I'd want to date her, but some day I wouldn't. I was pretty conflicted back then, but ever since she stayed at my house for few days that time, I was really glad that I didn't ask her out. I don't think she was going to say yes anyway, it seemed like she just used me for her own good, but I don't even care anymore. I'm glad that's done.

   Now that I think back, I honestly don't think I wanted to have a relationship with them. Antonia was pretty much a whore who fucks every guys she likes. She was pretty hot though. I just loved her boobs and that's pretty much what I wanted. Rachel was also a really good liking girl, not to mention, she was a really nice girl, but she was always tired for some reason, and you know how difficult it is to have a conversation with some who is tired as fuck, ya it don't work well. Oh and she was vegetarian. That's a problem when you try to take them out for dinner. I would not want to know where to go. Carla, the girl I met at the orientation, she was just weird. That's all I'm going to say. Nicole, I would've felt bad for her if I dated her. Jen, she was weird as well, but she was pretty hot. I realized I didn't want her brain, I wanted her pussy.

   The way I feel about Jessica right now is completely different from how I felt about those girls. She is just the girl I always wanted to have as my girlfriend. Whenever I'm with her, I get this feeling, I can't even describe it, but it is fucking amazing. I feel like I finally found the real definition of 'love.' I want to have a relationship with her. I don't want to have sex with her, at least not yet, I want a relationship. And I hope I can make that happen soon. If not, well I got to learn how to forget and move on. This whole girl situation has been really affecting my life and I don't want it anymore. So if I don't see her this weekend, I guess it's telling me that I'm not meant to be with her. I'll move on.

   Do, or do not. There is no try.

   Another day at work. I was really hoping that things at work would get better today. I honestly thought it was better today than yesterday. When we went out onto the field yesterday, shadowing other staffs, I had no idea what was going on and I wasn't sure if I could handle it. But today, we actually had like 3-4 hours of clinic/training. We just went over what we offer, and what the features are and etc. This session really helped me because last night, I didn't know anything about it. We briefly went through and that was about it. Plus, I was extremely tired and I was kind of out of it. I could not focus at all. It was pretty much the same for me, but it was a little better than yesterday.

   So Matt and Cary both helped us out again today. They are probably one of the most amazing people I've met, along with MacLain, the manager. They just are. Sometimes you hate/love something or someone, but you are not really sure why. You just do. Anyways, I shadowed both of them again, and I paid pretty close attention to what they were saying, and I understood a lot more than last night. So the morning session was really helpful, without a doubt. I did try knocking on the door few times, but Cary would take over for me after a certain part. He said he just wanted to see me get the introduction right. He gave me few pointers and that also helped as well. I actually love how Matt and Cary both gives me tips and how to persuade/convince people constantly. Not that I remember all of them, because there were so many of them, but they were some great advices, and tips.Unfortunately, we weren't in a very good neighbourhood, so things didn't go so well. 

   MacLain told us that we, the newbies, will go on our own tomorrow and thursday. He said he wanted to see us fail horribly, rather than succeeding. I like that philosophy. 2 days of training, then practice out on the field for another 2 days, then talk about what was good and what was bad. Well, I think I'll do okay. I just went over the brochure and everything so I have an idea what I have to say. Although, I have a feeling that I won't get anything for the first 10-15 houses. We will see. MacLain said that we are going to go to the north side and apparently that place is like a gold mine so I'm a little excited about it. I wish I could pull off like 20 sales tomorrow so I could go up on the hall of fame. Can you imagine that? Going onto the Hall of Fame on the third day of your new job. Time is money, so I have to make the most of it.

   This friday, we are all going to the bar. It's called Suite 69. I've never been there. Honestly I never go to the bar at all. Maybe Canadian Brewhouse occasionally, because it's the closest one from my house and I like that place, but I never go to a club or anything like that. It's not my thing. Anyways, MacLain knows one of the bartender there, so apparently everything will be free. How sick is that? I'm really excited to go. I was told that I'm allowed to bring guest, and guess who I invited? Haha, yup. Jessica. I asked her today if she wanted to come, but she said she'll see what she's doing that day. I think that means no. Fuck.

   For some reason, I think either Jessica is mad at me about something, or she doesn't like me. I mean, when I first started texting her, she was all cool and nice, but now, I don't know, it just feels different. She could be mad at me about last weekend. I might've sounded pretty pushy when I invited her to come over for beer pong. Since then, she seemed a little different. Maybe having no internet really effected her??? Okay, I guess that kind of sounded dumb. I doubt that's the case, but who knows. I hope she comes to the bar with me, because she's broke so I'm sure she would love to have free booze, I mean, who wouldn't want free booze?? Well, if friday doesn't work, I asked her to hang out on saturday, so I hope she says yes to one of those. My friendship with her seems like it's fading away more and more everyday. That's why I want to hang out with her as soon as possible. I really like her and I would really love to ask her out. I would much rather know that she does/does not want to date me than wondering what the answer could have been. I've been scared about that, but honestly, I got nothing to lose at the moment, I mean, like I said, unfortunately our friendship is slowly fading away. I'll call her on thursday night or friday during the day. I think friday sounds good so that I don't sound too pushy. Until then, I will not text her, unless she does first, although, I highly doubt that she'll text first.

   I just thought of this, but I kind of want to make a book out of all the blogs I posted. I mean, there's a lot of diary like books out there, and I think my life is pretty interesting enough to publish. I just have to have LOTS of posts. Hmmm, that's a pretty decent idea. I should think about this later in the future. It could make me lots of money. Interesting thought I'd say.

Day 1 @ New Job

So I finally started my new job today. Normally I'd be super excited to work at new places but I was pretty nervous today, because Telus is a big company and if I do something bad, then you know what happens next. Bad reputation. I don't know, representing something big like Telus is kind of a big deal. There's a lot of pressure.

I've met everyone today and I got to say, they are some amazing people. I mean, everyone is so chill and they are all very easy to talk to. I actually thought I was going to like this job. Who you work with makes your job better or worse a lot of the time. So I thought since everyone is cool, I was going to like it, until we went on a field training. What we, the newbies, did was to shadow the veterans to see how they do this whole sale thing. I've done cold calling or door to door business thing before and back then, I didn't have to know a lot about painting, since it was for a painting company, but this one, I have to know a lot. People ask so many questions and I'm not sure I'll be able to handle it. So I guess I got some more studying to do.

The payroll is commission based. So if I sell nothing, then I'd get nothing. Honestly, I'm not too worry about that because everyone made pretty good money from this job and we were told that we have a lot of potential to make lots and lots of money so who knows, if I know what I'm doing, then I'll make $4000 just like that.

Tomorrow is going to be another training day. I'm going to have to really pay attention so I know what I'm doing. I have to realize what's on the line for me at the moment so hopefully I can pull it off before it's too late.

   This afternoon got whole lot better. After I wrote up my last post, Kyle came over again and picked up his beers from last night. It's funny, because he packed them all up in the morning and forgot to take them with him. Kyle actually is the funniest guy I have ever met in my life. He pretty much says and does what everybody else does, but they were hilarious because he had like no emotions whatsoever. That's what makes us laugh. I was really glad that I met him, and became friends with him within hours. Anyways, so he came over and picked up his beers and decided to chill here for a bit. We actually planned to clean my garage but I figured it was clean enough. There was a very small beer stain on the floor and that's about it. I just broomed it and it was good to go. Then I realized I have forgotten to change the tires on my parents' van so we decided to do that. Kyle ended up doing it all by himself and oh my god, it only took him like 10 minutes. It takes me an hour do it. Well thanks to him, I just earned an hour of my life haha. 

   We decided to go to Boston Pizza and have supper. That sucked. The service was terrible. I'm not kidding, it was absolutely terrible. Okay, so we went to the BP Lounge, because the actual restaurant was pretty busy and the Lounge wasn't. We found a table and sat there for about 20 minutes, then the waitress shows up and grabbed us our drinks. Then it took another 10 minutes or so to bring us the menu, then it took another 20 minutes to get our orders, then after another 20-25 minutes of waiting, we finally got our food. But that was not all. Whenever I go to BP, I always have Chicken Parmesan. They are amazing. But today, it was not. Half of the chicken was cold. I didn't even get a garlic toast. Oh and the worst part, NO FRIGGING FORK!!!!!! How the hell am I supposed to eat it? With my hand??? Okay, I mean, I can handle eating fries with my hands but what about the chicken??? Thank god, because I thought about getting spaghetti as my side. So it took about 15 minutes to get a fucking fork. Oh and I never got the garlic toast. I just didn't care anymore. I was full, and we've all waited almost an hour to get served. We were all pissed of course. The waitress didn't even give us the bill. Kyle wanted to just peace it, but hey, you still got to pay for them, right? We ended up not giving her any tips. I felt kind of bad but that's what you get for not serving people well. I saw some people get served really fast, and I guess she completely forgot about us. Oh well, we had fun just talking to each other. Kyle entertained us, so it wasn't all that bad.

   This has been the best weekend I've had in a such a long time. I honestly cannot remember the last time I hung out with my friends like this. It was probably back in grade 11 or something, when I just started to hang out with Shayne. Since then, I don't think I was ever out like this before. I had a lot of fun. Well, it was good while it lasted. Now the work begins and it's going to suck pretty bad. I like how my shift doesn't start till noon, but then I'll be home around 9. So, there's a good chance that I'll have no social life, except on weekends.

   Well, I will never forget this weekend. Hanging out with my dream girl, reuniting with my old friend, plus his girlfriend, and his friends, it doesn't get any better than that. Next weekend is the last weekend I'll have without my parents, so I hope that one is going to be another memorable weekend as well.

Sunday, Hungover, Nuff said

   Surprisingly for how late I stayed up last night, I woke up really early. I was awake at about 7am then decided to go back to sleep because nobody else is probably awake, and I was tired so I ended up sleeping for another couple hours and woke up at about 9. I didn't feel like shit at all at that time. I was fully recharged and ready to start the day. Well, that didn't last long. I started cleaning the house which only lasted about 15 minutes then, after that, it hit me. Hard. So everyone else woke up at about 10 and turned out, Shayne had a ball hockey game, so I thought I'd go check out his game. I've never actually seen a ball hockey game before so I was pretty excited. I mean, I like something different, I think you'd know that by now haha. So we were at the arena, and honestly, I thought I made a huge mistake, because first of all, we did not eat anything so we were starving to death, and secondly, hungover was pretty bad, and third, the game turned out to be really boring. It's nothing like ice hockey. It's like a street hockey with referees and more organized. Well, I guess that's what ball hockey is supposed to be like, I mean, the name says it all. Anyways, Shayne's team lost, but oh well, Jon came and watch my game one time and we lost 19-3 so compare to Shayne's game to that game, it was a lot better. And plus, I got to actually talk to Brooke. I think that was the first time I've actually sat down and had a lengthy conversation. I actually thought she didn't like me, and she thought I didn't like her either, but turned out, we just didn't know each other well enough to like/hate each other. But, I think she's a pretty cool girl. I know I said bad things about her last night, but I got to see the different side of her today and I liked it. I hope she likes me too. It doesn't really matter who it is, I like it when people like me haha.

   So, it turned out, Jessica wasn't mad at me about Shayne texting her last night. I was actually so worried. I mean, you know how girls can be like that, you know what I mean? Anyways, I texted her last night, and she didn't reply. I knew she wasn't going to, because it was like 11 at night, and I figured since she was tired, she'd be in bed by then. Then she texted me back this morning, and I was pretty happy. I really had to apologize her about Shayne texting her, and she was okay with it, which was good, then I said something, I can't remember, my phone is right beside me but I'm too lazy to look at it, but after that, she never sent me any texts. Think she's mad at me about that as well??? I hope not, and I don't think she is, because I've been sending texts and people have been texting me, but I have not received any of them, and they did not get my texts either, so she could've replied, but my phone was being gay and didn't receive it. Hopefully that's what happened. I would not know what I'd do if she's mad at me and never talk to me again.

   I start my job tomorrow. I'm a little nervous and concerned, rather than excited. I'll pretty much be a salesman now, but I have never done sales before so I don't know how I'd do. If it's bad, then obviously I'll make no money whatsoever. People tell you to stay positive, but sometimes, you just can't do that. Especially when you know some things might turn out ugly. In this case, my job. I guess there is no going back now. I'm going to have to try for a bit, and see how things go. Who knows, maybe something good will happen. I need $4000 to go to school next year, and if things go well, I could make that happen in just a month. Also, I get 6 hours a day to sell, so that's a lot of time, but I hope I can use it effectively, because after all, time is money. So new job, here I go.

   I'm kind of iffy about going to the gym and skating everyday. I mean, I've been wanting to do that for a long time, but now that day is right in front of my face, I'm not so sure about it anymore. Maybe it's because I'm a little hungover at the moment and just lazy to actually do something. Well, I'll see what happens in the morning tomorrow then decide from there. If I get up at around 9am, then I'll have time for skating before work, if not, then I'll wait till the week after or something. I want to do this, and I think I will, but I think it's going to take a while for me to actually get it started. We will see.

Awesome Weekend

   I had a really good weekend for the first time in a long long time. I honestly can't remember the last time I had this much fun. It was probably before the finals started, who knows. 

   I went out last night with Jessica, the girl from the hockey rink where I worked, and I had a lot of fun. She actually sent me a message on Facebook, saying if I was ever in town to watch hockey, let her know then she gave me her number. I honestly could not stop smiling after I read that message. I was very special to me, because I told her that we should hang out sometime on our last shift together, but she just said maybe then left. I was pretty hurt by that, because I really liked and still do like her, and for some reason, it was really hard for me to even say that to her, or ask her to hang out. I never had trouble with that at all, but that time, it was extremely difficult. But seeing that message from her was really special. So after I read it and smiled for like an hour, I decided to text her and see what's up with her. I thought that went pretty decent. Then I asked her if she wanted to go to the bar with me that night and watch the game. She said yes. I was really happy and excited. Although, it didn't start off so great, because I was at my friend, Shayne's house right before I met up with her, and plus, living at about 20-30 minutes away from the campus, I didn't realize how busy the traffic was going to be, and etc. I did get there almost on time, I think I was about 5 minutes late, but I still felt bad because she was there before me. But after that, everything was great. That was the first time I've seen her since the last shift together at the hockey rink. We talked a lot, which was awesome, but it was mostly about hockey though. It was still great. It's funny, because we went out to watch the game, but we barely watched it. I watched bits and pieces of it, but we were so busy talking, we never really watched it. So, overall, it was a pretty damn good night. I was really glad that she sent me that message, because I've been dying to see her.

   Tonight was pretty great too. I didn't enjoy it as much as last night though. So my friend, Shayne, and his girlfriend, Brooke, and his other friends, Kyle, and Marco came over and we played beer pong. Honestly, I'm not a big fan of beer pong, not just because I suck at it, but it's just that I never really enjoy drinking games, I don't know why. Anyways, everything was going great, like me, Shayne, and Kyle were watching the game, playing ping pong, and it was a lot of fun. I was actually iffy about Shayne inviting Kyle, but I'm glad he did, because Kyle was awesome. He was the funniest guy I've met. He seems kind of like a stoner though so I guess that's why he was funny, in a good way of course lol. Then Marco and Brooke came at around 10 and that's when things start to go downhill. First, I've known Marco for quite a long time now, and when I met him for the first time, he was actually nice and pretty chill guy, but now, he's one of those cocky ass fucker.  I don't know what the F happened to him, but I don't like it. He's been beaking everyone, so I didn't really enjoy that. And second of all, for some reason, whenever I see Brooke, she's always moody, and she kind of controls people around, and I don't know, she kind of ruined everything. So I did not like that either. So when we were playing beer pong, me and Kyle just sat in the living room and watched TV and had some good conversation. That's what I love about drinking with friends. You get to talk about personal stuff, and nobody ever judges you. So ya, that was pretty fun, then we started watching 40 Year Old Virgin, then it only lasted like half an hour. This is pretty much what we do everytime we drink. We put on a movie after drinking and all that, and just fall asleep to it. So everyone is in bed now and I am just lying on my bed and writing this at the moment. It's 3:04am right now. I'm surprised because we usually last longer, but then again, Brooke wanted to go to bed, so she kind of ruined it again. Oh well, I could really use a good sleep right now haha.

   Before I go to bed, I want to talk about one more thing. Everyone has someone that they really like. When they talk to them, or hang out with them, they'd know that he/she is the one for them, that's if you really like them. Well, for me, it's definitely Jessica. I don't know why, I always liked girls that are into sports. She plays soccer and she bowls and she absolutely LOVES hockey. Honestly, I don't think I've met anyone who bowls before. I think that's pretty cool. It's a little different, but I different so ya. Also, I never thought I'd be able to talk about hockey, like in detail, to a girl. Ever. She probably was the first one. I don't know, just everything she does, and says always amazes me. I also realized, I can't talk to her like I talk to other girls. I think that tells me that I really like her and I don't want to say something stupid and make her upset/mad at me so I guess I'm trying to be really careful. I wanted her to come over to my little get together tonight, but unfortunately, she could not make it. I guess one night with her was good enough for me, but hanging out with her again tonight would've been a lot better. At one point during tonight, I just could not stop thinking about her. Does that mean I'm in love? Honestly, I've never felt this way about a girl before. Ever. It's weird. I liked quite a few girls before but Jessica is really different, like in a good way. I can definitely say that she's the one for me, but I don't think I'm the one for her. So I'm actually really nervous ask her out, because if she says no, I don't know what I'd do, or what I'd be like. If I really want to date her, I kind of have to ask her first, right? Well, fortunately, we found out that we will be in 4 classes next year, 2 from each semester, together so I'll get to see her a lot. You have no idea how happy I was.