Conflict

   It's been approximately half an hour since I broke up with my girlfriend and I don't know what to really say about it. I have been wanting to break up with her for few days now, and I finally accomplished that. I thought I'd be really happy and relieved but I'm not. I really am not. I feel terrible. I've only had one girlfriend before her, but she was a better girlfriend than the one I had before. Way better. I loved how she kept telling me all the stuff about me, and how I was the best boyfriend she's ever had. I finally found someone who really likes me for who I am, but I'm a little upset that it didn't go well. 

   There were few things that didn't work out well. First of all, we don't live in the same town. I never get to see her, and I'll probably never see her in my life. I don't care about sex and all that, but I wanted to be able to at least hug and kiss her. Or even just hold hands and just walk around. That's what I wanted to do the most, but unfortunately, it never happened. Secondly, phone calls. Phone bill isn't really what I'm worried about, it's nice to talk to her on the phone and all that, but sometimes, it was just too much. We'd be talking on the phone for hours, but we wouldn't say anything. Literally nothing. I was glad that she liked talking to me and I made her happy, but I just couldn't sit around all day and talk to her on the phone. I couldn't say no to her when she asked me if she can call me, because I didn't want her to get upset and because I know how much she wants to talk to me. Sometimes, it was annoying and all, but now that I think about it, it was definitely worth it, and I had some good times. I already miss it. Lastly, she got upset with me for things that are not even a big deal. I do understand that we are dating, but that doesn't mean we HAVE to talk all the time. It's not like we never talk or anything. I just didn't like how she acted when I try to hang out with my friends and/or hang up the phone. I just wish that she would've taken it a little bit less serious. Maybe if she was a little flexible on my schedule/life, I think it would've worked out nicely.

   My thoughts? I was fairly glad but I'm not going to lie, I feel terrible. I've made a big mistake. She did make me happy a lot while we were dating, but all I've been really thinking about was what she's been doing wrong and getting on my nerve. That's what you get for having no experience whatsoever with relationship. I felt really bad while we were dating too, because I felt like I'm not doing anything right, and I felt like I can't handle some situations properly. Anyways, I want to thank her for telling me how I was a good boyfriend to her even though I clearly fucked up so many times, and I really hope that we could still be friends. I really do, because she's a really cool girl. I don't know if I could ever forgive myself for breaking her heart. I probably never will, because that's one thing I never ever do; break someone's heart.