Fuck my life!!!! This week has been a fucking disaster. I just got my math 115 midterm mark back today. The average wasn't as low as I thought it was but the standard deviation was fairly high so I that kind of cheered me up. That only lasted like 2 fucking minutes. I ended up getting round 30% on it which isn't even close to the average or even the standard deviation. I am so fucking pissed off right now. I've actually been trying to be calm and cool about it but fuck that I can't take it anymore. This is what happens when you do something you fucking hate doing. You can't do shits if you fucking hate it that's why people do shits they fucking want to do so that they'd do well. The one thing I really hate about science is that where the fuck do you actually use it in real life? Like how's finding derivative and/or integrals gonna help me with my fucking life? Seriously why are we learning all that shit when we don't actually use them in real fucking life? That's why I want to do phys Ed so I could actually apply the shits I learned to real life. Now I can honestly say I don't give a fuck about science and it has never been my subject and it sure as hell never will. I don't care what my parents say I know myself more than anyone so they can't tell me shit. I have planned out for my future and I'm gonna stick to it. It will never change. I just want this year to be over so I don't have to deal with this shit anymore. I can't handle all the anger, frustration, and disappointment anymore it's just too much

  Well, after the long fight with my mom earlier today, obviously I was pretty mad afterward, and things got a little better after. Driving always have made me feel better when I'm down. I don't know how, but I guess the sound of my music and the engine and the adrenaline you get when you speed are the things that comforts me. So ya, I had to go to work tonight so obviously I had to drive. I actually love my job. It's also another thing that makes me happy. Not only you make money, but I just love everything about it, especially the people I work with. So ya talking to my coworker tonight really made me feel good not only because she's cool and all, but I actually had someone to talk to about my issues that's been going around me lately and she was kind enough to listen to me and well talk about it. I got to thank her for that because it made me feel a lot better. So I guess the best way to release your anger, and I don't know, depression or any kind of negative energy that have it in you is simply by just talking about it. Let it out. Never take it out on someone that wasn't involved. I hope I didn't do that to my coworker  haha. 

  Oh and then I had a game tonight. We lost 4-3. That was our first loss this semester. The thing about me and hockey is that it really resembles my life. Every game, I'd be really happy and excited and all, thinking that I'll play hard and push my limit. And guess what? I never do. I would think I tried my best, but at the end of the day, when you think back, I did not. Not even close to what you call 'your best.' I have never even reached my limit, I just complain about my skates, or shin pads, or my stick and whatnot. And at the end of the game, I get pissed off and frustrated for my lack of result. It seems like I do that exact same thing with my life too. I'd start things nicely, and then I get lazy as fuck, and procrastinate and everything just falls apart. Then at the end of the day, I'd always get pissed off at the result or the outcome or whatever. I've been having problems with 'commitment.' I'd plan things out, whether it's studying or doing homework or going somewhere or even asking a girl out (especially this one because I'm afraid of getting rejected haha), but I'd never do it because I can't commit to it. And every time, I get soooo mad for not doing it. I gotta get my head back in the game. It's never too late to make a comeback. I've got lots of time to do it. All I got to do is just commit to it and push it like I've never pushed before. 

  Inspiration, motivation, and determination. They are exactly what I need right now for next 4 years. And I hope I know how to use it before it's too late.

   I forgot to write one of these last night so I'll do it now along with today's story.

   I had to work last night, because one of my co worker asked me to cover her shift. I don't have any exams till next Friday so why not? I really need the money haha. So the first 2 games were women's bonus games. On the first game, this one team didn't have a single player (literally nobody showed up) so just like last week, I got to play a little shinny game with the girls and refs again. I actually went to the outdoor rink for like 2 hours before I went to work, so I was really tired, and my heels always have been in a bad condition and at that time, it was worse. So I didn't play so well, and plus I was pretty embarrassed because I'm a guy and they were girls. You get the point lol. At one point I was really mad. I tend to get mad when I'm playing hockey and things don't go as I planned or expected. Like I get REALLY mad. Anyways, so I was between the right face-off circle and the goal line, and the D-man, or D-woman or whatever lol, passed the puck to me, and I one-timed it as hard as I could, and for a moment, I was pretty impressed at myself for producing such a nice shot, but then I ended up hitting the goalie in the face. And as you probably know, the goalie was a girl. That impressiveness feeling lasted not even a second. I felt like just a dick after. Well, at least the ref thought it was funny he was laughing his ass off when it happened haha. And everyone else just gave me a dirty look. Oops. My bad. So I had to apologize like 20354436766 times, and she actually seemed pretty cool about it and said it was fine. Well I wasn't. Even though I didn't actually injure her, but the fact that I could have hurt her pretty bad made me feel really bad, because I would never hurt a girl, I never have, and never will. I still feel like a dick and this feeling won't go away for a long time. 

   So just as I thought I was done talking about my future with my parents, my mom brings it up again today. FUUCCCK. I don't know about your parents, but mine are, lack of a better term, weird. Back in the days, they would always ask me what I want to be, and then they would say 'You gotta do what YOU want to do regardless of how much you make, because after all, if you hate your job later, it's not worth it.' Great speech. But guess what? It's exactly the opposite. They don't care about what I want to do, so they've been setting up my life for me, by forcing me to do what THEY want me to do. The more I think about it, I get that they want me to have a good career and I respect that, but they are pushing it too far. What's the point of doing something you don't want to do? If you don't like it, you are obviously not going to have a good output. It seems like they are forcing me to do things I don't want to do, because they were not able to achieve their dream. Well, I understand that, they were poor when they were kids, and they didn't have enough money to go to university. I understand that, but still, they can't force me to do things I don't want to do. I'm the one who's making my own future, not them. They can control everything else but that. I make my own destiny or future or whatever. And plus since I'll be paying for the tuition fees from now on, I think I have one more reason to choose what I want to do for myself. And they ask me why I HATE talking about school. Um seriously?? If they were in my shoes, they'd absolutely hate it too. I have decided what I want to do and that's final. It won't change and I won't let anybody change my mind, ever.

   So, I decided I either want to be an athletic trainer for any NHL teams, or just work with NHL, not necessarily as a player or coach or whatnot, but like a GM or something I don't know there's probably plenty of things you could do, and lastly, I actually just thought of this recently, but I want to be a referee. Apparently they make a lot of money. The average salary for the refs in NHL is about $125000. WOW. I've been planning on going to ref clinic for this upcoming fall, so if I get lucky, it could work out really nicely. maybe one day I'll possibly become a first asian-born official in the NHL haha. You never know.

NHL

  Today, I think I'm gonna talk about what the upcoming NHL Playoff will possibly look like. It's probably not going to turn out exactly as I say, but it should be pretty close.

  Current top 3 teams from each conferences are as following: East-Flyers, Bruins, and Capitals, West-Canucks, Red Wings, and Sharks. Well these teams are very familiar with the Playoff. There was no doubt that these 6 teams are going to make the playoff for sure, especially Flyers (everyone was expecting them to do really good this season after last year's unbelievable playoff run) and Red Wings (full of veterans, strong team). In the East Conference, the remaining 5 teams that possesses the playoff spots are: Penguins, Lightning, Canadiens, Rangers, and Sabres. I'm pretty surprised by this standings. First of all, Penguins are without their top scorers, Crosby and Malkin, and yet, they are still almost guaranteed to have that playoff spot. Lightning didn't do so well last season, so probably not many people expected them to do good this year. Well, they are doing real good. Steven Stamkos has finally started to play his role in Tampa, being a top scorer. Along with Martin St. Louis, Vincent Lecavalier, and Simon Gagne, they are pretty tough to beat. BUT, they are 3-4-3 in last 10 games, so they have to pick it up to stay in the playoff spot. Montreal Canadiens barely made it to the playoff last year and they surprised everyone by defeating the Presidents' cup winner, Washington Capitals, and the defending Stanley Cup Champion of 2009, Pittsburgh Penguins. So this season was all about showing people that that playoff run was no fluke. Carey Price has really picked up his game after Halak's trade to St. Louis Blues for Lars Eller, who has been playing well with the Habs this year. Also, Tomas Plekanec, Andrei Kostitsyn, and Brian Gionta has been playing really well, and P.K. Subban and Jaroslav Spacek has worked really hard, along with James Wisniewski. Without their top defenseman, Andrei Markov, and their best player, Cammellari who has missed several games due to injuries, the Habs definitely surprised everyone and almost convinced everyone that the last year's playoff was no luck. I believe the Rangers ended up in 9th or 10th place last year. They are currently sitting at 7th place in Eastern Conference, just 2 pts. ahead of Sabres and 3 pts. ahead of Hurricanes. The Rangers are pretty close to losing that playoff spot but they are playing their hardest to win the Cup on their 85th anniversary. Buffalo Sabres is currently holding the 8th and final playoff spot in the East. They really have worked hard since the All-Star break. The Sabres was at 11th place in the East, but with a little help from their 'tender, Ryan Miller, and their top scorers, Jason Pominville, Thomas Vanek, Tim Connolly and Tyler Ennis, and some tough guys like Nathan Gerbe, and Patrick Kaleta, they are also looking to win the Cup for the first time on their 40th anniversary. Carolina is just 1 point away from taking that 8th spot and they have a really good chance of taking that spot back tomorrow against the Thrashers, who is 3-6-1 in their last 10 games. Other teams that have a really good chance of making the playoff are: Toronto Maple Leafs, and New Jersey Devils. It seems like the Devils have found their chemistry just in time and Brodeur has been playing WAY better than earlier this season. So, in East, I think the first round might possibly look like this: Philadelphia Flyers vs. Carolina Hurricanes, Pittsburgh Penguins vs. Buffalo Sabres, Boston Bruins vs. Tampa Bay Lightning, and Washington Capitals vs. Montreal Canadiens.

  Western Conference standings has been surprising everyone lately. Chicago Blackhawks, the defending champion, holds the 4th spot. Just few weeks ago, they were at 10th place but then they had an amazing 7-8 game winning streak. After about 40 years of Cup draughts, until last year, the Hawks are looking to win the cup again this year with a little help of Jonathan Toews, Patrick Kane and Marian Hossa. Now, what's Dallas doing in 5th spot?!?! Stars didn't play so well last year, but Kari Lehtonen has been playing amazing, and with Mike Modano gone (to Detroit), they were able to replace him with Jamie Langenbrunner from the Devils. The Coyotes really amazed me last year by doing really really good last year and made it to the playoff. And this year, they still have that chemistry and heat left to continue on this year. They are currently at 6th spot with 79 points tied with the Flames. WOW. I'm not a big fan of the Flames, but I gotta say, I'm really impressed by their performance since the All-Star break. I remember at one point during the first half of the season, they were at 14th spot, just above the Oilers, and now, they are sitting at 7th spot. The Flames are one of the hottest team right now with 7-2-1 in last 10 games. There is no doubt that they will continue to move up the standings, possibly all the way up to the 3rd spot (the point difference between the 3rd and 7th is only 3 points lol). The final playoff spot is held by LA Kings. Another team that surprised everyone. With players like Anze Kopitar, Drew Doughty, and Dustin Brown, plus the newest player, Dustin Penner, they will play hard, and continue on with their success. The Wild, Ducks and Predators still have a lot of potential to make the playoff. EASILY. Because the point difference between the 3rd and 11th is only 10 points whereas in the East, it's almost 20. So it could be anybody's game. My prediction for the first round of playoff in the West is: Vancouver Canucks vs. Nashville Predators, Detroit Red Wings vs. Phoenix Coyotes, San Jose Sharks vs. Dallas Stars and Chicago Blackhawks vs. Calgary Flames.

  Well there was my first hockey analysis or whatever it's called lol. I know it's nothing like what they write on the NHL.com, but I tried my best to keep it interesting haha. It is my dream to work with the National Hockey League so I thought doing this may help me with achieving that dream of mine haha.

So I was watching 40 Year Old Virgin today, and I actually really enjoyed it. I've seen it a long time ago so watching a movie that you haven't seen for a long time is always fun. Anyways even though it was a hilarious movie, somehow Andy reminded me of myself a lot. I'm still a virgin because I respect women, unlike other guys, so much that I literally stay away from them, and I guess I just didn't have the balls to actually have sex with a girl. So I don't know it felt like i was a exact duplicate of Andy except I'm 19 haha. So now I'm really worried that I won't have a relationship and remain virgin till I'm 40. I'm currently 19 right now, and turning 20 in summer, so I'm practically half way there. Nothing has happened so far. No girlfriend, no sex. Well, let's hope that this draughts end pretty soon.

One thing I really hate about school is that wherever I go, there is always a couple making out in the hallway and it's really painful for me to watch them (I don't actually stare at them when they are making out but you get the Point lol). To be honest, I'm not really desperate about being in a relationship but it's just that sometimes I feel like I'm really lonely especially since all my friends have girlfriends now and I still don't. Well, I guess it's my fault because I'd always plan on asking out a girl I like but I actually never do it. I always pussy out at the last minute. So I guess I kind of deseved to be called a pussy even though I HATE it like really hate it when someone calls me a puasy. Well, I actually do want to ask someone out right now, and I actually think it's time that I man up and ask her this time. If she says yes, great, if not fuck it just move one with my life. Well I just hope that I could break that curse and actually man up and do it like it's nOthing.

Bar Night

   So as you can tell from my previous blogs, I've had a terrible week, so I thought I'd go to a bar tonight and grab a couple drinks. So I called up my friend, who has been my best friend for a long time, and asked him if he wanted to come. And he did. Which was good, because I have not seen him since Valentine's day (that's when my rec hockey game was and he came and watched my game), and he's been busy with work and his girlfriend so this was a great chance to catch up on each other, and plus I kind of needed a ride so ya haha. So there were total of 4 people there, but I ended up not socializing with them, because there was an Oilers game on so I HAD to watch that, and I wasn't really big fan of the two other people that were there with us. I wanted to have few drinks and talk to my buddy but the two other people kind of ruined that. And then we ended up going to a different bar. It was called Caffrey's or something, and I have never been there before and I did not like it at all. There were bunch of old people and an old band playing and they were doing like a silence auction or something I don't know. And plus, one of the two people that were with us's parents were there so me and my friend were kind of left out. So we, being me and my friend, had to go to the third bar. Boston Pizza's Lounge haha. It was pretty chill. There weren't many people there, and it was actually a lot quieter compare to Caffrey's. But then my friend's work friends were coming to join us. I didn't mind it because, honestly, I love meeting new people, so I didn't really care. So 4 other people came, and that was pretty bad too, because all they would talk about is their work. Okay sweet. I was left out again. Normally I'd be kind of upset by that, but I was fine today, because the only reason why I wanted to go to the bar was to drink because of the bad week I've had, not really to socialize haha. That kind of made me sound like I have no life and am an alcoholic haha. But overall, it was a good night. I really needed a night out and tonight wasn't the greatest but it was still decent. It did make me feel better which was what I wanted after all.

Bro before Hoes??

   I've heard that phrase so many time back in high school. When most of my friends were single, we would say that to our friends who were in a relationship. Now, it's flipped around. This phrase should now be Hoes before bro, because all my best friends are dating someone at the moment, and I am starting to get really pissed off because they only hang out with their girlfriends. We had this one friend from high school and we would get mad at him for hanging out with his girlfriend all the time instead of hanging out with us so we pretty much gave up on him. Well, that feeling still remains, except, it's not 'we' anymore, it's just me, myself, and I now. But hey, what am I gonna do? It's not like I'm gonna force them to hang out with me all the time, I mean, they've got girlfriends now and all they care about is getting laid, and I'm pretty damn sure that's a lot better than hanging out with me. But I think it's amazing how people can change so fast and forget about their friends. I mean, I haven't talk to this friend, who is (or were) my best friend, for months now. He'd always say, 'oh we live like a block away from each other, we will always be friends.' Oh ya okay buddy. Really, I literally cannot remember the last time I talked to him in person. And then there's another friend from high school who I've actually seen quite a lot lately, until like now. I haven't seen him for like a couple weeks, and he'd always text me and he doesn't even talk to me anymore. Ever since they started dating, they've completely forgot about me. It feels like I was erased from their memory. What the fuck. So I guess maybe next time someone says 'I know I'll still be friends with you when I get a girlfriend,' I don't think I should believe them, because they all said that to me and I believed them. I probably shouldn't have. I really need to ask someone out soon so I don't have to deal with this shit anymore.